Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, movies, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, television, TV, writer, Writing, tagged funny on November 3, 2016| 60 Comments »
You’re trapped on a deserted island with the main character from the last movie or TV program you last watched. How do you survive and/or escape?
I’m trapped with Claus Michaelson, the lead vampire from the Original. I think I just became a blood bag.
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged funny on October 20, 2016| 90 Comments »
You have been kidnapped. The characters from the last TV show or movie you watched are coming to rescue you. Who are they?
Lucifer from the show with the same name is rescuing me. That’s what they call from the frying pan to the fire. Yikes!!
What about you?
Posted in animals, art, comedian, comic, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, love, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged animals on October 18, 2016| 2 Comments »
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged minds eye on October 13, 2016| 4 Comments »
I can always tell when I haven’t taken my medication.
A voice in my head whispers, “If you can hear me, you haven’t taken your meds today.”
Posted in animals, art, children, comedian, comic, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged animals on October 11, 2016| 6 Comments »
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, love, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged blood guardian on September 4, 2016| 7 Comments »
Scene in which Ambrose a vampire like creature is sitting on a roof while Madison who has slipped is hanging on the edge. He’s asked to help, but she tells him she doesn’t need his help. —-
I clung to the shingles on the roof’s edge. My hands slipped and I lost my hold.
Time paused and everything seemed to move in slow motion.
I fell backwards. Ambrose’s face moved further away. My arms were flailing, my hands reaching for him. The pounding of my heart filled my ears.
The cold night air pushed past me. as my head tipped further back, I could see the inked night above me. The stars. There were so many for being in the city. I could see my hair in front of me. Would this kill me or merely main me?
My heart pounded. The north star? I found myself searching for it. My heart beat. Funny I was falling and looking for a star.
Time caught up to me and I slammed to a stop.
I felt no pain. Had I hit the pavement so hard I felt nothing? My heart beat, I was alive.
Ambrose’s face hovered above mine.
He smiled. “I guess you needed me after all.”
He’d caught me.
My arms and legs began to flail again. But instead of reaching for him, I was pushing him away.
Arrogant Bastard.
Posted in art, comedian, comic, family, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, food, humor, life, love, My Writing Updates, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, sister, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, comic, family, funny, humor, job, laugh, life, work, writer, writing on August 30, 2016| 34 Comments »
Every morning my obnoxious alarm goes off. Blinded by daylight, I slap it a couple of times and stumble to the kitchen. I stand in front of the open refrigerator door, drink milk straight from the carton, and grab a hard boiled egg.
I love cold hard boiled eggs so I make them on Sunday afternoon and put them in a container ready for the week. It adds to my mindless routine. I love mindless in the morning.
But one day it was different. Saturday morning, my siblings decided to get together. Early. Really early. They know I don’t do early, especially not on Saturday. Early Saturday in Deidra time means I’ll be 2 hours late. Whatever time you set.
To help me with this, they decided to meet at my house and for my convenience, they let themselves in. They’re really thoughtful that way.
An issue arose during the early morning gathering which has forced me to issue the following warning.
To the person who replaced my boiled egg with a frozen egg,
I’m narrowing the suspect pool. The noose is tightening. Feel my breath on the back of your neck as I close in. In the words of the immortal wicked witch of Oz.
“I will get you and your little dog too.”
Posted in anxiety, art, books, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, Random, sarcasm, writer, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family. job, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, writer, writing on August 23, 2016| 30 Comments »
I’ve been a bit under the weather. The doctor prescribed me a cough medicine with codeine.
Wrapped in a warm blanket snuggle into the depths of the sofa, the darkness had settled and with it a drowsy drugged feeling. I hadn’t coughed in almost an hour.
The light from the television pushing just enough light into the room to make out the patches on Grandma’s old quilt.
Soft elevator music played in the background while a man in the lobby of a large office building buffed the floor. A comforting fog moved into my mind.
What was the name of this movie? My mind drifted like a cloud.
A deafening crash echoed through the room as a body slams on top of a truck on the screen in front of me.
My chest was heaving my body tense, I was hardly able to process what just happened. I looked around at the people watching TV with me. They were staring at me with open mouthed amazement.
“Did I scream out loud?”
“Yeah,” my roomie replied.
I screamed like I have never screamed before. Hollywood pays people for this kind of high pitched, gut wrenching scream of terror. I tell you this so that you may learn a lesson from it. If you are taking cough medicine with codeine, do not watch a movie called Devil. I had to pray myself to sleep last night.
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, mental health, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, shopping, short story, writer, Writing, tagged work on August 18, 2016| 45 Comments »
I’m sitting here on my toilet while blogging you. Not on the toilet as in its intended use toilet, but in a I don’t have any funiture kind of way.
You see I got a call on Thursday offering me a job in Portland to start on Monday and I live in Dallas. I wouldn’t be able to fly back and forth every week like I’m use to. I would need to stay in Portland for six months.
It’s a really great job and is something I want on my resume. So I spent about two hours throwing stuff in my car and took off. I drove for thirty hours got a hotel and drove another twelve to get here on Saturday. Sunday I took the first apartment I looked at and here I am sitting on the toilet, using the counter as a desk.
Don’t worry the lid is down. I know that might have been a concern for some.
I ordered some furniture which should have arrived over the weekend, but it didn’t. I got a message at 5:00 a.m. saying it will be arriving this morning. So I’m sitting here on my toilet, waiting for something to sit on.
I’m calling this office in a toilet a concept now. It’s really not so bad in here. The heat lamp is warming the place nicely. The porcelean’s bright and white. I have plenty to drink (from the faucet, not like a dog from the toilet). My shampoo and conditioner smells nice. It has pretty good accoustics thanks to the shower. I think I’m going to create a powerpoint and write a book. My new title, The Office Toilet Consultant.
Oh, thank God, the sofa’s here.
Posted in animals, anxiety, art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, My Writing Updates, Personal, photography, Random, Recommendations, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, comic, family, funny, humor, job, laugh, life, work, writer, writing on August 15, 2016| 28 Comments »
Jim was a nuclear physicist, a brilliant man. Much to his own detriment, he didn’t know when to stop thinking.
He had been through a series of interviews. The job was basically his. All he had to do was pass a drug screening. I don’t know if they said drug test or not. I’m assuming not, they must have been vague.
The company had an on-site clinic where the test was performed.
So, Jim comes toddling in. The tech hands him a cup and tells him to return the sample to her desk.
Does Jim think “They want to see if I use drugs.”?
No.
He thinks “It’s a nuclear facility. They want to take a baseline reading now so they can measure the affects of potential radiation exposure over time.”
So instead of urine, he gives them a sperm sample. He is still trying to figure out why he didn’t get the job.
Can you imagine the technician’s reaction when a cup of sperm lands on her desk?
Deidra Alexander's Blog 