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Archive for March, 2015


He’s breathing on his own. Thank you for all of your prayers and good thoughts. It’s an amazing turn around. Just a few days ago the doctor was surprised he made it through the night and now he’s sitting up.

I’ve been racked with anxiety since I made the decision to come see him. I’ve been nauseous. Eating makes me sick and not eating makes me sick. We didn’t part on good terms. I still don’t know how his family feels about me. (I’m staying close to the hospital, so I’m able to check in early and late, missing most of my in-laws.)

He’s been married and divorce since I last saw him. What will I say? Thoughts kept rolling through my head. I love him, but I don’t LOVE, love him. I wouldn’t mind being friends, but it might be too late for that.

I checked with one of my nephews and he said I should come and seem him. I don’t want you to think I pushed myself on him without taking his feelings into consideration.

Some of his buddies were in the room when I entered. I barely recognized him. He looks old, perhaps the illness has taken its toll. He’s had some hair loss and what’s left is white. He’s gained a lot of weight, some of that’s probably fluid.

When we were in the middle of our divorce and everything was so ugly, I imagined seeing him again. This wasn’t far from my fantasy. “I’m still looking young and you are old. Was she worth it?” I would say. (Of course she would look old too.) He would fall to the floor and tell me how sorry he was and I wouldn’t care. I would reply with various snide comments. “Should have thought of that before you left me for your mother.” (She looks like his mother.)

So what did I choose to say? Something amazingly insightful? Perhaps even a little biting. No. I said, “Hey what’s up? I thought you were going to dance on my grave. You’ve got to get it together. I’m depending on you.”

He chuckled. His friends chuckled and then the conversation turned back to chasing women. The reason we split up in the first place.

The doctors have scheduled him for open heart surgery tomorrow. He’s still in intensive care, but I’m optimistic. Tomorrow I’ll see his family. But for now, I’m going to go gnaw on some crackers and sip Sprite.

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Status on Ex


My ex collapsed recently. Just an update on his status. His fever is down to 99. His OT states are over 90. (They were 80.) His heart rate has come down, but is still beating to fast. His eyes are now tracking when people are speaking.

Not much, but still it is in the positive direction. Thanks to everyone for your support.

Dee

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Ex is in the ICU. He’s had two heart attacks, is on a ventilator, is tachycardic, and running a fever amongst other things. They haven’t been able to lower his heart rate. So they can’t do anything more for him until they can get his heart rate down.

We grew up together. We wound up married due to circumstances, not because we were or ever would be friends. Maybe that happens to a lot of people.

I was told this morning that the doctors were surprised he was still holding on. I cried. I wasn’t expecting to have an emotional reaction. I never hated him. In fact, I wished him well. Still, I didn’t expect to feel this bad.

He hasn’t recognized anyone, so I expect he won’t know me. I’m going 3,000 to say goodbye to my first love.

I don’t think there’s anymore to say. The end.

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