Due to ice and not the “cooling my Margarita” kind of ice, I’m trapped in Dallas when I should be in New York City.
The heat in my house is less than adequate. If I had little children, they would be wearing their cute little imaginary snow suits. As it is the kittens, who are HUGE (Maine coons cats) kept wheedling their way under my blankets to warm their paws on any expose skin they can find. Little darlings (again, sarcasm).
I was rotting my brain watching YouTube when I came across a video of men getting a-steams. Which is the steaming of the nether regions. You know, the one that starts with a…
You sit relaxing over a chair hole while hot tea boils beneath you. I was thinking holy mackerel, my Finnish friends with the love of saunas have started their own spa chain.
I haven’t had a manicure, pedicure or even a facial. So it may surprise you when I say, I have had my a.. steamed. Usually it’s in the middle of August and you’re praying the temperature will get down to 100 F (38 C), but you know it won’t until September. Then as sure as butter will fry your bacon, I inevitably say, “My butt is sweating.”
And you telling me people really pay for this. I’m starting a spa. Come on down to Texas and we can steam you. Just shove this green tea bag up your. Well, you know where. That’ll be five dollars please.
P.S. Next time I want to tell someone off, I’ll say, “Shove it in your chair hole and sit on it.”