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Archive for May, 2017


Today’s writing challenge – Find a news article, read and then write your own take on it. It also mentioned something about journalists being impartial.

By now both you and I know I spend more time writing about the writing prompt then actually writing what the prompt says. On my blog I don’t write about controversial topics. I don’t write about politics, religion, or world events. Mainly because as weird as my humor is, my views are weirder.

Journalists impartial, that’s a laugh. Every article I read was an opinion piece. I doubt journalist about as much as I doubt bankers and politicians. Attorneys have dropped to four in my doubtful people list. Good news for attorneys I suppose.

I decided to stay relatively safe and write about science. (Though I don’t know why they had to demote Pluto, the planet, not the dog. They may have demoted the dog too. But that might be controversial, I don’t know what Pluto has been up to since I was a kid. He and I haven’t kept in touch.)

I looked through several studies and found something curious. Scientists read a bunch of other studies and then write a study of their opinion of the other studies. Back when I was in school that was called a book report. I know I’m going back to grade school, but I remember having to develop a theory, run experiments, record observations and then write the results. I didn’t know I could watch Jo Ann’s experiment. Her father was a NASA engineer. She could run through some science let me tell you. If I had read her report and written one about her’s, I would have gotten a much better grade. But for some reason my teacher called that cheating.

Someone needs to have a talk with my teacher. It turns out it wasn’t cheating, it was science and I was a genius ahead of my time.  Maybe I should become a scientist, I was good at writing book reports. Oh wait, that’s writing again, which is why I’m doing the writing challenge in the first place. Catch twenty-two.

Maybe I’ll start a political blog for my bizarre views. I’m not a Republican or Democrat. I’m an equal opportunity hater. Oh wait, another blog. That means more writing. Crap. I’m going in circles.

Why do all of my ideas involve more writing? Maybe that’s tomorrow’s writing prompt.

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That’s why my sweaters have cat hair on the inside.

Today, the challenge states to write whatever comes to mind. Wow, that’s dangerous.

I made the mistake of leaving my office door open last night. This morning, I found a state of disarray, chewed bits of paper, pens, pencils, containers, notebooks, paper, and books littered the floor. Kitties gone wild and wasn’t even spring break.

I left a jar, empty of olives, but still containing juice on my desk. My cats decided olive juice was the next best thing to catnip. They dumped the jar over so that it leaked a bit, then chewed up any paper that had juice on it. They must have rolled around with the jar, trying to get it open and knocked everything off of my desk.

I found the two of them trying to gnaw their way through the lid. There aren’t any pictures, because they scattered and have been hiding ever since. I’m going to need a trash bag.

Today must be a two for one day.

I’ve been meaning to write a post about one of my favorite books, Ann B. Ross’s Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind

Miss Julia is a southern widow who lives in a small town. Her husband, a miserly man has left her a small fortune and everyone wants a piece of it. He also left his mistress a small child. The mistress, trashy Hazel Marie Pucket shows up on Miss Julia’s doorstep and dumps her nine-year-old son with Miss Julia. Now in addition to fighting off money grubbing frien-emies, her orderly world is turned upside-down when she has to contend with her husband’s misdeed.

One of my favorite subplots is when Miss Julia’s minister convinces her she’s a nymphomaniac.  I laughed so hard I snorted when someone suggested a “cure”. If you’re looking for something funny to read Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind is for you.

 

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For those who don’t know, this is the first day of a writing challenge I agreed to – Write everyday for 10 days. First, that was a stupid idea. Second, I must have been drunk or off my meds or both when I agreed to this challenge.

The instructions for the first day started with “Go for a hike …”. You must not know me or if you do, you hate me. My sisters are having a good laugh with that one word – hike. They’re thinking, “The challenge is dead.”

The rest of that sentence ended with “… until you find a sign that speaks to you.” That is procrastination waiting to happen. I could be hiking for years before I find a sign that speaks to me. For gosh sakes, where do you find a speaking sign? Should I just go to Pinterest and see if something speaks to me there?

Then it hit me, I know where there’s a speaking sign. The sign at the Arby’s drive through.

It speaks to me. It says, “What’ll you have?”

And I say , “Why the one with cheese, of course.”

No hiking involved. Two birds, one stone, booya.

So I headed down to Arby’s and had a sandwich, sans the soda. I can’t have the bubble stuff anymore due to being poisoned.

Soda without the bubbles is just flat. And who wants that?

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I have been challenged. Someone had thrown down the gauntlet and I felt compelled to pick it up. I met someone who has written everyday for more the 1,600 days. I mentioned how much I admired her accomplishment and then next thing you know she’s inviting me to write everyday for the next ten days. She’s going to provide writing prompts. I haven’t ever done writing prompts. I’m not even sure I can write from a prompt.

I’m supposed to publicly announce it and then post my “stuff”.

I was like, “I don’t have a public to announce it to. I’ll have to get some public before I can start.”

And she was like, “How about your blog?”

I said, “That’s not public. I write stupid stuff and then people I know write stupid stuff about my stupid stuff.”

She thought that was an excuse and said, “That’s good enough.”

Obviously, she hasn’t heard about the advance procrastination course I’m working on thinking about putting together. Which reminds me, I should get started.

Is that the sound of cellophane? Are there snacks in the house I don’t know about? That could be a cookie. I must go investigate and I’ll need tea to go with the cookies. I’ll probably be a little sleepy after all that sugar. I feel a nap coming on. …

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Everyone seems to be teaching some kind of class or writing some kind of how to book. Someone suggested I take an inventory of my skills and then create an empire around my greatest ability. I thought jeez I want an empire, surely I learned a thing or two worth knowing. Sure enough I found one skill I have that far outstrips all of the others, procrastination. Yes, I could teach a master’s class. So, I want to introduce a seminar I’m putting together to teach the fine art.

I’m going to get back to putting together the materials. Right after I paint the note cards I used for another project. If I paint them, I can use them again. While they’re drying I’ll play another game a solitaire and read my emails. After that I’ll clean off my desk. You can’t start a new project with a dirty desk. Have I checked Facebook today? I need a fan page.

Gosh this is exhausting work. Maybe a a nap. I’ll be refreshed a ready to go after a nap. What’s that spot on the wall? I should probably clean that. Oh look a squirrel. Where’s my camera? …

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Snow Day In May?


Where’s the cocoa? Do you put rum in cocoa or tequila? I always get my dairy alcohols mixed up?

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My son started eating vegetarian pork and beans.

I said, “You like the pork and beans without the pork. I like them without the beans.”

He said, “That’s just barbecue pork.”

Laughing I said, “Exactly.”

“That’s not funny.”

Which made it funnier. He rolled his eyes. I snorted and choked. It wasn’t funny anymore. But he laughed anyway.

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