My Office Toilet

August 18, 2016 by Deidra Alexander

I’m sitting here on my toilet while blogging you. Not on the toilet as in its intended use toilet, but in a I don’t have any funiture kind of way.

You see I got a call on Thursday offering me a job in Portland to start on Monday and I live in Dallas. I wouldn’t be able to fly back and forth every week like I’m use to. I would need to stay in Portland for six months.

It’s a really great job and is something I want on my resume. So I spent about two hours throwing stuff in my car and took off. I drove for thirty hours got a hotel and drove another twelve to get here on Saturday. Sunday I took the first apartment I looked at and here I am sitting on the toilet, using the counter as a desk.

Don’t worry the lid is down. I know that might have been a concern for some.

I ordered some furniture which should have arrived over the weekend, but it didn’t. I got a message at 5:00 a.m. saying it will be arriving this morning. So I’m sitting here on my toilet, waiting for something to sit on.

I’m calling this office in a toilet a concept now. It’s really not so bad in here. The heat lamp is warming the place nicely. The porcelean’s bright and white. I have plenty to drink (from the faucet, not like a dog from the toilet). My shampoo and conditioner smells nice. It has pretty good accoustics thanks to the shower. I think I’m going to create a powerpoint and write a book. My new title, The Office Toilet Consultant.

Oh, thank God, the sofa’s here.

Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, mental health, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, shopping, short story, writer, Writing | Tagged work | 45 Comments

45 Responses

on September 8, 2015 at 12:13 pm | Reply thomas peck

…and hopefully the bed is close behind…

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:16 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hi Thomas,
  It was indeed. But it was two weeks before I could get anyone to help me put it together. I was lay here, looking longingly at it.
  Thanks.
  Dee
  
  LikeLike
on September 8, 2015 at 12:30 pm | Reply John W. Howell

So maybe now you have the experience to never have to worry about having an office again. Almost every building in America has a rest room

LikeLiked by 1 person
- on October 9, 2015 at 9:17 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hi John,
  You’re right. I can conduct business from some of the finest location on the earth.
  Thanks.
  Dee
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
on September 8, 2015 at 1:11 pm | Reply N. E. White

A new job! Exciting! I hope all goes well in Portland. I’ve never lived there, but I have visited and it seems like a great place to live. Enjoy (with or without furniture).

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:18 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hi Nilae,
  Yes, the job is great, loving it. The people are great here and so polite and easy going in traffic.
  Thanks.
  Dee
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
on September 8, 2015 at 1:38 pm | Reply Let's CUT the Crap!

New job? Exciting, especially when it’s something you want.
Congratulations. You are fabulously adaptable. Toilet office. Yup. It works. You just proved it. 😀 😀 😀

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:20 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hi Ladybug,
  I’m loving it here. I still haven’t got a desk and chair but I do have a sofa and bed. All a gal really needs. LOL
  Nice hearing from you.
  Dee
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  - on October 9, 2015 at 7:09 pm Let's CUT the Crap!
    
    Wonderful to hear you’re comfortable and loving it there. ❤ ❤
    
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  - on October 11, 2015 at 10:38 pm Deidra Alexander
    
    Yes, so far the weather has been glorious. We’ll see how much I whine when it gets cold and rainy.
    Dee
    
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  - on October 12, 2015 at 10:53 am Let's CUT the Crap!
    
    You sound chipper. Must be a good place for you. ❤ 🙂
    
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  - on October 12, 2015 at 9:36 pm Deidra Alexander
    
    Thanks, I’m having fun. It’s a great work environment. I’m going to have to dig into my history to get some good material.
    Thanks.
    Dee
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
  - on October 13, 2015 at 9:28 am Let's CUT the Crap!
    
    ❤ ❤ ❤
    
    LikeLike
on September 8, 2015 at 3:35 pm | Reply koeur

Ha! Now you have to buy me a whiskey as your only 5 hours away!

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:21 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  After driving 34 hours in two days, I won’t be making any long drives anytime soon. Thanks.
  Dee
  
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on September 8, 2015 at 7:01 pm | Reply russtowne

Congratulations on your new employment adventure and for your couch arriving!

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:21 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks, Russ. Both are going well.
  Dee
  
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on September 8, 2015 at 9:11 pm | Reply cordeliasmom2012

What a funny post. It’s a great example of how a good blogger can make an entertaining post about anything.

Congratulations on the new job – and enjoy the new furniture. While I understand how exciting it is to write from atop the throne, I suspect the new couch might be just a tad more comfortable.

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:22 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks, Cordelia,
  You are right about the comfort level. I was at my wits end not having some place to sit.
  Thanks.
  Dee
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
on September 9, 2015 at 7:19 am | Reply stitchinggrandma

My buns always go to sleep when I sit there too long! Glad your couch arrived!

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:23 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hi,
  Yes, mine do too. So much happier with a padded seat.
  Dee
  
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on September 10, 2015 at 11:52 am | Reply philosophermouseofthehedge

Sounds like the tiny house trend might be joined by the tiny office? Enjoy all the chaos of a new job and a new place. Congrats!

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:24 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hi Karen,
  Yes, things are starting to settle down. I feel like I have started to get a handle on things.
  Thanks.
  Dee
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
on September 11, 2015 at 9:41 pm | Reply Lissa Rabon

Cool. You are up to some big fun stuff sounds like! Good luck…but you make your own luck, I’m sure you do.

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:27 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hi Lissa,
  In order to get here in time for my first day, I packed my car in two hours and started driving. Adventures start with a bang.
  Thanks.
  Dee
  
  LikeLike
on September 12, 2015 at 7:35 pm | Reply SchmidleysScribblins

Very funny. Youngsters have so much energy. It wears me out to drive to my doctor’s office, but I used to make long drives like this! Enjoy it whileyoucan. Grist for your memories.

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:31 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hi Schmidley,
  I drove 20 hours the first day and couldn’t walk straight when I got out of the car. My cruise control broke within the first hour.
  Thanks.
  Dee
  
  LikeLike
on September 12, 2015 at 7:37 pm | Reply SchmidleysScribblins

Very entertaining post. Wrote another comment but it went into cyberspace!

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- on October 9, 2015 at 9:31 am | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hi again Schmidley,
  I found it and plucked it out of cyberspace.
  Thanks for visiting.
  Dee
  
  LikeLike
on September 13, 2015 at 2:48 am | Reply aj vosse

I’d do the same if I was offered a job! NOW!! The other advantage of using the toilet… usually one gets left alone in there!! 😈

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on September 27, 2015 at 6:21 pm | Reply mredshadows

My first comment on WordPress. About an igloloo. Don’t worry if you run out of toiletpaper..there are polar bears. Soft fur

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on September 28, 2015 at 7:32 pm | Reply mredshadows

Humor I like..
Cold adventure looks great..for how long.
But you got yourself a couch to crush on..
Sit on a ice cube. .to shit ice cubes

LikeLiked by 2 people
on August 18, 2016 at 10:03 am | Reply pawan35

now first congrats on your new job and lol also for having a lovely place to sit on (i mean then lid is down who care where you sit…and who knows the beautiful post came because you had a new different place to sit)

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on August 18, 2016 at 10:38 am | Reply Shruti | This is Lit

I would read the hell out of The Office Toilet Consultant! This was a lovely post!😁

Oh, and congrats on your new job!😊

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on August 18, 2016 at 10:48 am | Reply chattykerry

Too funny – but congratulations! We arrived from Egypt (Africa not TX) to an unfurnished studio apartment with three feral cats and no LITTER BOX!!!!! Aaaaah, they arrived after a frantic phone call. I feel your pain. 😺

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on August 18, 2016 at 11:10 am | Reply Dionne Bee

This is so funny. Loving your sunny outlook. Congrats on the new job too.

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on August 18, 2016 at 12:31 pm | Reply None Other Then Hannah

I laughed aloud! Very witty and cute. Good job on landing a job and new place!

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on August 18, 2016 at 2:09 pm | Reply RuthBH2Day

hope the job is fantastic

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on August 18, 2016 at 4:54 pm | Reply sinisterdarksoul

Haha! Quite resourceful! ^_^

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on August 18, 2016 at 7:37 pm | Reply Anotherer

After recently uprooting my life and moving to another state, I know this feeling quite well. In fact, I slept on an air mattress for months. Even though the apartment still feels empty, it’s also freeing. Like, the possibilities are everywhere.

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on August 18, 2016 at 8:48 pm | Reply tahenryauthoress

Let’s get to the most important part. You’re in Portland. Drive to Kyra’s Bake Shop in Lake Oswego. Buy everything. It is amazing.

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on August 19, 2016 at 12:17 pm | Reply Sara Butler Zalesky

That would be a catchy title though.

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on August 21, 2016 at 11:38 am | Reply shreyathewriter

Interesting stuff. Awesome 👍

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on August 21, 2016 at 6:52 pm | Reply rubiescorner

Very amusing writing. I am glad the couch came.

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on October 6, 2020 at 7:41 pm | Reply Danielle

Thankyou for today’s little chuckle Deidra 🙂

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