A face on a face? Now that’s true love. Or it better be.
The following is a series of short random thoughts I had during the day when I should have been doing something productive.
I didn’t stretch my jaw enough before I started talking I think I pulled a muscle. Now I have a headache. Am I the only person alive who has to stretch her jaw muscles to start the day?
I was feeling nostalgic thinking back on my childhood, so I decided to recreate a summer camp memory. I took a shower in cold water pretending I was back in girl scouts … I remembered why I hated girl scouts.
How is it the blinking light on my phone saying I have emails or tweets wakes me up, but I sleep through two alarms? Maybe that’s my super power and I’m now a super hero.
I hate it when I have to go to the doctor for a shot. The shot doesn’t really bother me. It’s my doctor. He has osteoporosis and his nurse has arthritis in her hands. Who do I chose? I wind up flipping a coin,
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It was early one spring when I found myself on a French highway between Normandy and Paris with my panties strung on a line across the back window of a silver sports car. French truck drivers, not unlike American truck drivers were quick to express their approval of my delicates flapping in the breeze as I zoomed back to Paris.
This would never have happened if I hadn’t decide liquor was more important than panties. You see I worked in Europe three weeks of every month. So naturally, I decided I could forego clothing to create luggage space for more wine and champagne.
This time my brilliance got the best of me. I found myself in the unfortunate position of being in a hotel in rural France without clean panties.
Never fear, I thought, a quick wash in the sink and they’ll be dry and ready for the flight back to the U.S. in the morning.
However, come morning my “delicates” were still wet. Not to be outwitted by panties, I grabbed a string from the hotel owner and strung it across the back window of the sports car I had rented. I set off for Paris, my windows down and my line of undies flapping behind me. Admiring truck drivers honked at me all the way back to Paris.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t calculated air speed and drag, not being of the mathematically minded. As I pulled into the car rental lot to the shocked horror of the Parisian employees, one end of the string had pulled loose and the whole string was waving like a kite high above the back of that sports car shining in the morning sun.
They found me ripping my underwear out of the back window and shoving it into my suitcase just in time to catch my flight. They didn’t even had the decency to look haughty.
My Boss has been curious about Twitter. His daughter has an account and he wanted to check out what she might be up to. So he created an account.
The next day he came to me and said, “I’m not sure how, but my daughter figured out I was following her.”
I asked, “What’s your user ID?”
He said, “His first and last name.”
“I think that might be the issue.”
He sent me a text that said “What’s your phone number?”
I sent back, “I think you just texted it.”
My boss has the same first name as someone else I know. I was going to be working late so I wrote the following email.
I’m working late tonight. I’ll have to cancel dinner.
Love you, DD”
I accidentally sent the email to my boss, who wrote back –
“We need to finish all the test cases tonight. I’m going to pick up some pizzas.
Tom, your boss not the other one.
P.S. I love you too.”
I love my boss. He understands me better than most, nobody’s perfect.
Posted in animals, art, books, chick lit, comedian, dating, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing | Tagged job | 34 Comments »