Some people never grow up and I’m glad I’m one of them. My top 10 list of things I said during Christmas.
10. I don’t know who brought the whoopee cushion, but yes, I did use it.
9. You are not allowed to use my <deodorant, shampoo, eye shadow, moisturizer> without asking because you forgot yours or it smells SO good.
8. My sweater will not be the same after your chest has been in it.
7. Yes, I brought heated sheets and no, they are not for us to share.
6. To my “vegan” sister: We all know you’re a vegan. However, lobster is an animal and it does so count. I don’t care what you read. And I still think serving you the turkey neck was funny and so do our brothers.
5. Leaving my door unlocked was not an invitation for you all to take over my bed and drink my chocolate wine. And I’m the only one who gets to drink out of the bottle.
4. Reading my journal is not an attempt to bring us closer. It was not lying open on the bed. It was hidden in the chest of drawers.
3. I don’t think waving the turkey carcass, butt first in my face brought back nostalgic memories from our childhood.
2. I don’t know who put the ice packs in your beds. To one of my brothers: Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Good one.
1. Sorry the kittens shredded the toilet paper, again. I have a 20 pack hidden in my trunk.