Deidra Alexander's Blog

While Fiona is putting together her next blog, here’s some random stuff.

You know your ancestors were of color if the Ku Klux Klan regularly screwed with them. You know they were Native American if they kicked ass back. You know you’re southern if you’re still talking about it three generations later.

Last night, I reached into the vegetable crisper and pulled out something soft and mushy like half-cooked squash. It was wrapped in plastic or my hand would have been covered with green slime. It was then that I became a fan of petroleum products.

I love the physical act of writing. I love the smell of eraser and the scratch of pencil on paper. I can even write without looking at the paper. I like doing that and pretending I don’t have control, like it’s a Weegie board. People freak out when I start writing a note from their long gone Grandma.

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It was early one spring when I found myself on a French highway between Normandy and Paris with my panties strung on a line across the back window of a silver sports car. French truck drivers, not unlike American truck drivers were quick to express their approval of my delicates flapping in the breeze as I zoomed back to Paris.

This would never have happened if I hadn’t decide liquor was more important than panties. You see I worked in Europe three weeks of every month. So naturally, I decided I could forego clothing to create luggage space for more wine and champagne.

This time my brilliance got the best of me. I found myself in the unfortunate position of being in a hotel in rural France without clean panties.

Never fear, I thought, a quick wash in the sink and they’ll be dry and ready for the flight back to the U.S. in the morning.

Unfortunately my delicates were still wet. Not to be outwitted by panties, I grabbed a string from the hotel owner and strung it across the back window of the sports car I had rented. I set off for Paris, my windows down and my line of undies flapping behind me.

Admiring truck drivers honked at me all the way back to Paris. I pulled into the car rental lot to the shocked horror of the Parisian employees. They found me ripping my underwear out of the back window and shoving it into my suitcase just in time to catch my flight. Lesson learned keep better tabs on your panties when traveling.

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