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Archive for the ‘shopping’ Category


Day 4 – Review a book. I think this challenge is aimed at bloggers, not fiction writers. These prompts are demonstrating where to get material to write blog posts when you don’t have any materials. This isn’t usually the kind of thing I post. I usually post stories about life, work and my twisted family.

I did a book review earlier in the week, so instead I’m looking at weird gadgets on Amazon. If you are actually interested in purchasing the item, the product names link back to the product pages.

First up, the LED Flashlight Multipurpose Glove. Yes, a flashlight glove.

 

Next, the Glow Toilet. Need I say more?

How about the Folding Credit Card Knife Pocket Knife? Because even a city slicker runs across the occasional roadkill.

I didn’t say they were to top selling items.

I saw this Endoscope Camera Phone Thingie and thought, “Wow, back up with that thing, Cowboy. No scoping anything over here.”

Review Spy Sunglasses  I’m going to have to try to find some girl weirdness, because I seem to be heavy on the guy weirdness. But, if you’re a spy and you’re looking for replacement glasses there are for you. James Bond move over.

  

I know I promise some girl stuff, but Liquid Ass is just too good to pass up. I might need to buy some of this for my nephew, The Pistol.

 

This is the Lightning Shocker Game. The slow guy in the group gets the living crap zapped out of him. Great for slower or unsuspecting siblings. I might need one of these myself.

Ok, I actually like this one a lot, the Gadget Carrying Case.

For some reason all the stupid girl gadgets look extremely useful to me. If could be because I’m a girl.

The Banana Hook, okay I’m trying.

The Hand Warmer, once again, infinitely useful.

 

Got One!! A Pink Gun Wine Bottle Opener  If you’re from the south, that’s an accessory you don’t want to be without. I should know since I just put one in my shopping cart.

Stone Fairy House, which looks like a box of rocks to me. Let me know if you’re interested in this one, because I’ve got a box of rocks to sell you.

Just one more, I need this one. Army Guy Bottle Opener. I’ve always been a sucker for a guy in uniform. Add wine and I’m all in. Go Joe.

If you like gadget posts, let me know.

 

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After hours of shopping, I was trying on slacks in a brightly lit dressing room. Finally, I found a pair that fit perfectly.  Tight enough in the right places and loose in others.

When I stepped out of the dressing room to show my friend, she said, “You have the ass that could rule the world.”

Maybe I could rule the world. I seriously considered her statement before realizing there are already enough asses ruling out there now.

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53 (9)

I’m sitting here on my toilet while blogging you. Not on the toilet as in its intended use toilet, but in a I don’t have any funiture kind of way.

You see I got a call on Thursday offering me a job in Portland to start on Monday and I live in Dallas. I wouldn’t be able to fly back and forth every week like I’m use to. I would need to stay in Portland for six months.

It’s a really great job and is something I want on my resume. So I spent about two hours throwing stuff in my car and took off. I drove for thirty hours got a hotel and drove another twelve to get here on Saturday. Sunday I took the first apartment I looked at and here I am sitting on the toilet, using the counter as a desk.

Don’t worry the lid is down. I know that might have been a concern for some.

I ordered some furniture which should have arrived over the weekend, but it didn’t. I got a message at 5:00 a.m. saying it will be arriving this morning. So I’m sitting here on my toilet, waiting for something to sit on.

I’m calling this office in a toilet a concept now. It’s really not so bad in here. The heat lamp is warming the place nicely. The porcelean’s bright and white. I have plenty to drink (from the faucet, not like a dog from the toilet). My shampoo and conditioner smells nice. It has pretty good accoustics thanks to the shower. I think I’m going to create a powerpoint and write a book. My new title, The Office Toilet Consultant.

Oh, thank God, the sofa’s here.

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My apologies to anyone who was offended by this post. That was not my intention. I have weighed less than 95 pounds for most of my life. I grew up in extreme poverty. We didn’t have food everyday, so I was malnurished until adulthood. We lived in miserable circumstances without food, heat, hot water, and proper clothing. We survived by finding humor in everything, even the holes in our shoes. Nothing was so sacred that we couldn’t laugh about it. My intention wasn’t to upset and devalue anyone, rather to find humor in all circumstances.

Thank you for letting me know your feelings on this topic and so to keep from upsetting anyone else, I have chosen to remove this post in its entirety. Please forgive my irreverence.

Best Regards,

Dee

puzzle city woman

 

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02 (5)

What’s her story?

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Does anyone else get tangled in their clothes?

I put on a sports bra this morning and the real sport turned out to be trying to get the thing off. I thought I was going to have to cut my way out or call for the jaws of live. I would have considered phone a friend but that conversation wouldn’t have gone so great.

“Hey friend. Whatcha doing?”

“Nothing, what about you?”

“Well, now that you ask, I put on a sports bra. When I tried to take it off, it got stuck. So it’s around my arm pits and I can’t put my arms down.”

The other day, I was trying to put on some wrap thingie and got tangled. I found myself spinning in circles, like my dog when she’s chasing her tail.

Now I remember why I don’t write a fashion blog.

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Dear Store Manager,

The Christmas stuff that didn’t sale before Christmas isn’t going to sell now at 30% off. I’m afraid the candy cane door mat, pine scented candles, and reindeer PJs all not happening. You need to cut your losses.

Think of Easter. That grass-skirt clad Santa isn’t going to be cute with colored eggs around it. Besides I hear the Easter Bunny doesn’t like to share.

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