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Posts Tagged ‘minds eye’


bazarre world

I can always tell when I haven’t taken my medication.

A voice in my head whispers, “If you can hear me, you haven’t taken your meds today.”

 

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10 Things I have been known to say to or about my arch-nemesis

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Hey, is hateful on a stick here yet?

If we say my arch-nemesis’s name backwards babies cry, mirrors shatter & volcanoes erupt.

I spoke to your people through a ouija board and they’re ok doing it my way.

Will your crows be sitting on my car when I leave today?

I’m afraid her winged monkeys will snatch me away. How did she get out from under that house anyway?

I have to send a document to my arch nemesis for review. She’s in a different time zone, so I’m waiting until it’s after hours in the inner ring of hell.

The demoness is not to be trifled with. I heard she was divorced. I didn’t know you could divorce the devil.

Someone tell the wicked witch I don’t have her ruby slippers.

The devil’s handmaiden is back and in full force. She’s been refreshed by a cup full of hell fire & brimstone.

The guardian of the gates of hell scared the devil so she’s back early from her vacation.

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Top 14 Reasons I hate 8 a.m.

elephant step

I hate 8 a.m. because

People are stupid at 8am again.

People are smart asses at 8am.

People are grouchy. I know I’m people.

My eyes refuse to focus.

Perky people want me to kill them.

People are too loud.

The light it too loud.

My lung and the air are not speaking to each other yet.

The world hasn’t tilted back on its axis yet from the night before.

It makes me nausaus.

My password doesn’t work right the first time.

It comes way before 10.

I hate driving at 8 am because idiots wreck at 7:30.

I could like an 8 a.m. meeting if it wasn’t for the 8 a.m. part.

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Top 7 Reasons the Mayan calendar ended in 2012

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Because the author’s chisel broke.

Because the author accrued a lot of vacation.

Because someone got carpal tunnel syndrome.

Because an overachiever got really far ahead.

Because they ran out of flat rocks.

Because the dirty English came with their chicken pox.

The great Mayan calendar maker’s strike of the 5th century B.C.

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32 (10)

The following is a series of short random thoughts I had during the day when I should have been doing something productive.

I didn’t stretch my jaw enough before I started talking I think I pulled a muscle. Now I have a headache. Am I the only person alive who has to stretch her jaw muscles to start the day?

I was feeling nostalgic thinking back on my childhood, so I decided to recreate a summer camp memory. I took a shower in cold water pretending I was back in girl scouts … I remembered why I hated girl scouts.

How is it the blinking light on my phone saying I have emails or tweets wakes me up, but I sleep through two alarms? Maybe that’s my super power and I’m now a super hero.

I hate it when I have to go to the doctor for a shot. The shot doesn’t really bother me. It’s my doctor. He has osteoporosis and his nurse has arthritis in her hands. Who do I chose? I wind up flipping a coin,

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