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Archive for the ‘women’ Category


Day 4 – Review a book. I think this challenge is aimed at bloggers, not fiction writers. These prompts are demonstrating where to get material to write blog posts when you don’t have any materials. This isn’t usually the kind of thing I post. I usually post stories about life, work and my twisted family.

I did a book review earlier in the week, so instead I’m looking at weird gadgets on Amazon. If you are actually interested in purchasing the item, the product names link back to the product pages.

First up, the LED Flashlight Multipurpose Glove. Yes, a flashlight glove.

 

Next, the Glow Toilet. Need I say more?

How about the Folding Credit Card Knife Pocket Knife? Because even a city slicker runs across the occasional roadkill.

I didn’t say they were to top selling items.

I saw this Endoscope Camera Phone Thingie and thought, “Wow, back up with that thing, Cowboy. No scoping anything over here.”

Review Spy Sunglasses  I’m going to have to try to find some girl weirdness, because I seem to be heavy on the guy weirdness. But, if you’re a spy and you’re looking for replacement glasses there are for you. James Bond move over.

  

I know I promise some girl stuff, but Liquid Ass is just too good to pass up. I might need to buy some of this for my nephew, The Pistol.

 

This is the Lightning Shocker Game. The slow guy in the group gets the living crap zapped out of him. Great for slower or unsuspecting siblings. I might need one of these myself.

Ok, I actually like this one a lot, the Gadget Carrying Case.

For some reason all the stupid girl gadgets look extremely useful to me. If could be because I’m a girl.

The Banana Hook, okay I’m trying.

The Hand Warmer, once again, infinitely useful.

 

Got One!! A Pink Gun Wine Bottle Opener  If you’re from the south, that’s an accessory you don’t want to be without. I should know since I just put one in my shopping cart.

Stone Fairy House, which looks like a box of rocks to me. Let me know if you’re interested in this one, because I’ve got a box of rocks to sell you.

Just one more, I need this one. Army Guy Bottle Opener. I’ve always been a sucker for a guy in uniform. Add wine and I’m all in. Go Joe.

If you like gadget posts, let me know.

 

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That’s why my sweaters have cat hair on the inside.

Today, the challenge states to write whatever comes to mind. Wow, that’s dangerous.

I made the mistake of leaving my office door open last night. This morning, I found a state of disarray, chewed bits of paper, pens, pencils, containers, notebooks, paper, and books littered the floor. Kitties gone wild and wasn’t even spring break.

I left a jar, empty of olives, but still containing juice on my desk. My cats decided olive juice was the next best thing to catnip. They dumped the jar over so that it leaked a bit, then chewed up any paper that had juice on it. They must have rolled around with the jar, trying to get it open and knocked everything off of my desk.

I found the two of them trying to gnaw their way through the lid. There aren’t any pictures, because they scattered and have been hiding ever since. I’m going to need a trash bag.

Today must be a two for one day.

I’ve been meaning to write a post about one of my favorite books, Ann B. Ross’s Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind

Miss Julia is a southern widow who lives in a small town. Her husband, a miserly man has left her a small fortune and everyone wants a piece of it. He also left his mistress a small child. The mistress, trashy Hazel Marie Pucket shows up on Miss Julia’s doorstep and dumps her nine-year-old son with Miss Julia. Now in addition to fighting off money grubbing frien-emies, her orderly world is turned upside-down when she has to contend with her husband’s misdeed.

One of my favorite subplots is when Miss Julia’s minister convinces her she’s a nymphomaniac.  I laughed so hard I snorted when someone suggested a “cure”. If you’re looking for something funny to read Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind is for you.

 

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Someone advised me to network with other authors. I was going to offer my services for something I’m really good at. Then this morning I realized I can’t remember what I’m really good at. I think I’m getting an early case of my Mother’s forgetfulness.

She use to run around the house saying, “Where are my glasses? Where are my glasses?”

Someone would invariably say, “They’re on your head.”

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(The picture is unrelated, I just liked it.)

I was poisoned (and lived to tell the tale). I can’t help saying the last phrase, they just go together. I thought if you were poisoned and you died. But as I discovered, that’s not necessarily so.

It left my kidneys functioning at 55%. (I have already claimed dibs on my sister’s kidneys. Not that she’s going to wake up in a tub of ice or anything.) I started eating mostly vegetarian and my kidney function has come up to 90%. Still, it has left me with some residual pain.

Though I’ve thought of you and my blog these last several month, I’ve been drained of all energy. Good news, I’m starting to feel more energetic and I am blogging again.

Please be patient. It might be a while before I’m back to blogging everyday. I have missed you all and am looking forward to interacting with you again.

Dee

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haunted-house

On my way to New Orleans, I stayed in a less expensive hotel in order to save a little money. It seemed fine enough, except the carpet was sticky, there were no washcloths and no soap. The front desk clerk said they were out of soap, but I could have an extra packet of shampoo.

I slept with my coat on. I feel dirty and not in a good way.

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garden girl

My phone number belonged to a call girl before I got it from T-Mobile. She must have been really good because she still gets calls. I thought about answering numbers I don’t know with some themed response.

Since it was Christmas –

Do you want a one horse open sleigh or the whole team?

We’re running a two for one special on Santa’s Little Helper.

Would you like the two French hens and my partridge in your pear tree?

 

With this kind of talent, I should be writing erotica.

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I got a call the other night from a fan of the previous owner of my phone number, AKA a John. He was looking for Raxxxxl. Gentlemen, someone out there’s imitating men, giving you guys a bad name.

The conversation went something like this –

“Hello, what’s your hourly rate?”

“Excuse me?” (It was after all the middle of the night.)

“Are you still open?”

“This isn’t who you think it is. She changed her number a long time ago.”

“How much do you charge?”

“What? No, I didn’t take over the business, I got this number from <insert telephone company name here>.”

“Oh, okay. What are you wearing?”

“Really?”

“Are you busy?”

My imagined reply –

“Getting ready to ask some strange guy over who just called for late night sex. I’m at <insert address of older brother>. Ask for me, his baby sister.”

No wait. I’ll give him my address. This post could be rename to How to Meet a Serial Killer. Gotta run, I need to sharpen my axe before he gets here.

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