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Archive for the ‘literature’ Category


Day 5 of the writing challenge is to write a story about a road trip, fact or fiction, with dialogue as if it’s happening.

The sky was so gray it seemed the sun would never shine again. It match the biting cold. This was the last factory on my schedule. Once I checked in with these guys, I could go home for Christmas. I was eager to get to finish my review and get some shopping done. It wasn’t everyday I was working in the south of France, so champagne, chocolate and china were top on my list.

What wasn’t top on my list the crawling pace of the traffic ahead of me. A few hours outside of Paris and everything had come to a virtual standstill.  I was just outside of a small village, a one horse town. Since it was France, maybe a one snail town was more appropriate especially considering the pace. I could have walked faster then we were driving.

I have to say that little silver rental car had one heck of a heater. It wasn’t long before I had to crack the window. I waited semi-patiently my thumb tapping on the steering wheel to the tune on the radio. I heard something strange. Horns, maybe a tuba? It certainly wasn’t in keeping with the French version of pop music playing on the radio.

I turned the radio off, rolled the window down and listened. Drums. Cymbals. It was definitely music. As we crept up to the edge of town, the ten or so shops which made up the business district were decked with tinsel and bells.  People lined the streets mostly women and children bundled against the cold. Some cameras flashed.

What was going on?

I leaned out of the window to catch a glimpse of the traffic ahead as the road curved to the left. Ahead of me I glimpsed a marching band, a fire truck and several fancy cars. That’s when I realized I was in the middle of the town’s Christmas parade.

I smiled and waved as people snapped my picture. Later they probably asked each other, “Who was that woman in the silver car?”

I like to thing the reply was, “A visiting dignitary, of course.”

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Today’s writing challenge – Find a news article, read and then write your own take on it. It also mentioned something about journalists being impartial.

By now both you and I know I spend more time writing about the writing prompt then actually writing what the prompt says. On my blog I don’t write about controversial topics. I don’t write about politics, religion, or world events. Mainly because as weird as my humor is, my views are weirder.

Journalists impartial, that’s a laugh. Every article I read was an opinion piece. I doubt journalist about as much as I doubt bankers and politicians. Attorneys have dropped to four in my doubtful people list. Good news for attorneys I suppose.

I decided to stay relatively safe and write about science. (Though I don’t know why they had to demote Pluto, the planet, not the dog. They may have demoted the dog too. But that might be controversial, I don’t know what Pluto has been up to since I was a kid. He and I haven’t kept in touch.)

I looked through several studies and found something curious. Scientists read a bunch of other studies and then write a study of their opinion of the other studies. Back when I was in school that was called a book report. I know I’m going back to grade school, but I remember having to develop a theory, run experiments, record observations and then write the results. I didn’t know I could watch Jo Ann’s experiment. Her father was a NASA engineer. She could run through some science let me tell you. If I had read her report and written one about her’s, I would have gotten a much better grade. But for some reason my teacher called that cheating.

Someone needs to have a talk with my teacher. It turns out it wasn’t cheating, it was science and I was a genius ahead of my time.  Maybe I should become a scientist, I was good at writing book reports. Oh wait, that’s writing again, which is why I’m doing the writing challenge in the first place. Catch twenty-two.

Maybe I’ll start a political blog for my bizarre views. I’m not a Republican or Democrat. I’m an equal opportunity hater. Oh wait, another blog. That means more writing. Crap. I’m going in circles.

Why do all of my ideas involve more writing? Maybe that’s tomorrow’s writing prompt.

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That’s why my sweaters have cat hair on the inside.

Today, the challenge states to write whatever comes to mind. Wow, that’s dangerous.

I made the mistake of leaving my office door open last night. This morning, I found a state of disarray, chewed bits of paper, pens, pencils, containers, notebooks, paper, and books littered the floor. Kitties gone wild and wasn’t even spring break.

I left a jar, empty of olives, but still containing juice on my desk. My cats decided olive juice was the next best thing to catnip. They dumped the jar over so that it leaked a bit, then chewed up any paper that had juice on it. They must have rolled around with the jar, trying to get it open and knocked everything off of my desk.

I found the two of them trying to gnaw their way through the lid. There aren’t any pictures, because they scattered and have been hiding ever since. I’m going to need a trash bag.

Today must be a two for one day.

I’ve been meaning to write a post about one of my favorite books, Ann B. Ross’s Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind

Miss Julia is a southern widow who lives in a small town. Her husband, a miserly man has left her a small fortune and everyone wants a piece of it. He also left his mistress a small child. The mistress, trashy Hazel Marie Pucket shows up on Miss Julia’s doorstep and dumps her nine-year-old son with Miss Julia. Now in addition to fighting off money grubbing frien-emies, her orderly world is turned upside-down when she has to contend with her husband’s misdeed.

One of my favorite subplots is when Miss Julia’s minister convinces her she’s a nymphomaniac.  I laughed so hard I snorted when someone suggested a “cure”. If you’re looking for something funny to read Miss Julia Speaks Her Mind is for you.

 

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Everyone seems to be teaching some kind of class or writing some kind of how to book. Someone suggested I take an inventory of my skills and then create an empire around my greatest ability. I thought jeez I want an empire, surely I learned a thing or two worth knowing. Sure enough I found one skill I have that far outstrips all of the others, procrastination. Yes, I could teach a master’s class. So, I want to introduce a seminar I’m putting together to teach the fine art.

I’m going to get back to putting together the materials. Right after I paint the note cards I used for another project. If I paint them, I can use them again. While they’re drying I’ll play another game a solitaire and read my emails. After that I’ll clean off my desk. You can’t start a new project with a dirty desk. Have I checked Facebook today? I need a fan page.

Gosh this is exhausting work. Maybe a a nap. I’ll be refreshed a ready to go after a nap. What’s that spot on the wall? I should probably clean that. Oh look a squirrel. Where’s my camera? …

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I’m spending the day writing or in this case writing about writing. I started the day at a word count of 16,800 words for my book Who Stole the Corporate Sausage. To give some perspective my target word count is 50,000 words, so I’m about 30% through. I’m hoping to finish the first and second draft by the end of the month. Ambitious, I know.

I’m finishing the formatting for a vegetarian cookbook I’ve also been working on. It includes a few alcoholic beverages. It turns out alcohol is vegan. Who knew? Perhaps this vegetarian thing won’t be so bad after all. Maybe I’ll change the title to The Drunk Vegetarian.

Since today is Friday, the day can only get better with each passing hour, so here’s to the best hour of all, happy hour. Cheers.

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I’m writing a book of humorous essays and quips called Who Stole the Corporate Sausage? Think Dilbert met the TV show The Office and had a love child. I’m thinking of releasing a free shorter version with some of the content called My Boss Is An Asterisks Hole. 

Is this something you guys might be interested in?

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I’m trying to work today, however my cat has other ideas. He has gone from the back of my chair, to my lap, my desk, my keyboard and now my mouse. Oh Annoying Cat, go somewhere else. I’m trying to write a book. Maybe I should have gotten a gold fish.

How does your pet try to get attention?

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