Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, movies, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, television, TV, writer, Writing, tagged funny on November 3, 2016| 60 Comments »
You’re trapped on a deserted island with the main character from the last movie or TV program you last watched. How do you survive and/or escape?
I’m trapped with Claus Michaelson, the lead vampire from the Original. I think I just became a blood bag.
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged funny on October 20, 2016| 90 Comments »
You have been kidnapped. The characters from the last TV show or movie you watched are coming to rescue you. Who are they?
Lucifer from the show with the same name is rescuing me. That’s what they call from the frying pan to the fire. Yikes!!
What about you?
Posted in animals, art, books, comedian, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, love, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing on October 15, 2016| 7 Comments »
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged minds eye on October 13, 2016| 4 Comments »
I can always tell when I haven’t taken my medication.
A voice in my head whispers, “If you can hear me, you haven’t taken your meds today.”
Posted in animals, art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, love, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family. job, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, writer, writing on October 12, 2016| 15 Comments »
I have been known to nod off in long meetings in which the topic has little to nothing to do with me. I’ve invented a game to stay awake, the one line game. Here’s a few from yesterday:
I new insanity was pervasive here, I just didn’t realize it was contagious.
Blue reminds me of the ocean, crystal clear skies, calm summer days. I hate blue.
I had under estimated the creature I hunted and Paulo had paid for it with his life.
Moments like this are why I don’t keep chocolate in my desk.
The edge of anything is always a bad place to be.
And one for you to finish –
Somewhere an old brain cell must have fired up again when I remembered <fill in the blank>.
Until the next boring meeting.
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, food, humor, life, literature, love, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family. job, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, writer, writing on October 12, 2016| 14 Comments »
Picture it, a dark, smoke filled bar. I hiked myself up on a black leather stool. The bartender slid a glass of soda water with lime in front of me. (I gave up alcohol two weeks ago and can’t for the life of me remember why.)
I recognized a frail, elderly lady from a writer’s group at the end of the bar. She looked like the typical Grandmother: petite, prim and proper. She reminded me of Estelle Getty as Sofia on the Golden Girls. Let’s call her Gert.
I decided to join her trying to tap in to the wisdom a seasoned writer might impart.
“I’m taking it up the ass on ebooks,” Gert said as she down the last of her drink. She motioned to the bartender. “Give me another whiskey and make it the cheap stuff this time.” She sucked deeply on the cigarette she had in one hand. If I thought it was for show, she then blew so much smoke out of her nose I wondered at her lung capacity.
“Really?” I was curious now.
“Oh yea, Honey. I’ve been writing a long time. There wasn’t e-publishing back then.”
“I guess things were different.”
“Hells bells, I wrote my first manuscripts on a manual typewriter. It’s not like I saw it coming,” she continued, lighting another cigarette. “Bartender.” She motioned to her glass. “Give me another and no ice this time.” She launched into a coughing fit that I, as none smoker I was trying hard not to join.
This tiny, old lady continued discussing the good old days using expletives that would rival sailors and slamming whiskey straight up. My idea about Grandmas were completely shattered by this point.
Finally, I asked, “What genre do you write?”
“Erotica and none of this light hearted crap. I write hard core. The kind of stuff that use to come wrapped in brown paper.”
That’s when I almost choked on a peanut. Exercise caution when talking to whiskey slamming, chain smoking, foul mouthed Grandmas who writes hard core erotica.
Posted in animals, art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, politics, sarcasm, writer, Writing on October 9, 2016| 8 Comments »
Posted in art, books, chick lit, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged minds eye on October 6, 2016| 2 Comments »
10 Things I have been known to say to or about my arch-nemesis
Hey, is hateful on a stick here yet?
If we say my arch-nemesis’s name backwards babies cry, mirrors shatter & volcanoes erupt.
I spoke to your people through a ouija board and they’re ok doing it my way.
Will your crows be sitting on my car when I leave today?
I’m afraid her winged monkeys will snatch me away. How did she get out from under that house anyway?
I have to send a document to my arch nemesis for review. She’s in a different time zone, so I’m waiting until it’s after hours in the inner ring of hell.
The demoness is not to be trifled with. I heard she was divorced. I didn’t know you could divorce the devil.
Someone tell the wicked witch I don’t have her ruby slippers.
The devil’s handmaiden is back and in full force. She’s been refreshed by a cup full of hell fire & brimstone.
The guardian of the gates of hell scared the devil so she’s back early from her vacation.
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged minds eye on September 29, 2016| 16 Comments »
Top 14 Reasons I hate 8 a.m.
I hate 8 a.m. because
People are stupid at 8am again.
People are smart asses at 8am.
People are grouchy. I know I’m people.
My eyes refuse to focus.
Perky people want me to kill them.
People are too loud.
The light it too loud.
My lung and the air are not speaking to each other yet.
The world hasn’t tilted back on its axis yet from the night before.
It makes me nausaus.
My password doesn’t work right the first time.
It comes way before 10.
I hate driving at 8 am because idiots wreck at 7:30.
I could like an 8 a.m. meeting if it wasn’t for the 8 a.m. part.
Posted in art, books, children, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, life, literature, Personal, photography, sarcasm, sister, writer, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family. job, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, writer, writing on September 26, 2016| 7 Comments »
When I was a kid, I had an idea that all worlds were a combination of science and magic. My idea was that magical teams were dispatched to worlds where the magic was out of balance. Only family members could combine and magnify each other’s magic, so these SWAT teams would be composed of people from the same family.
I waited for a mystical vortex to open and a stranger to explain, “You are in the wrong world we need to take you to the magical realm where you belong.” However, much to my great disappointment, it never happened so I still reside in this world almost devoid of magical energy. This is based on the same idea when the Liza and her sisters got their first assignment.
The tapestry shimmered before Liza, a brilliant orange and red with a shimmer of royal blue. It was taking the shape of an egg, more accurately an egg-shaped box. Five more stitches to go.
Her fingers moved slowly, pulling at the threads of magick around her. Liza tore through the tangle of fibers she had gathered, pulling a bright crimson thread. She eased it free, careful not to snap it.
Magick appeared differently to different people. To her it was threads to be woven into a tapestry. She was a spell weaver after all.
She began to weave.
One. Two. Three. Almost there.
She would use the magick to gather spare matter and transform it into another form.
A box lined with crystaline. Jerl needed one to keep his newly acquired dragon egg. Her younger cousin was an animage. His powers were uncanny. In fact, their abilities were all unusually powerful.
Four, one more stitch.
Some said it was in their blood. She thought most people said that out of sympathy, knowing their family history. She had always thought it was the shared trauma of the Midsummer’s day. None of them had escaped unscathed. A few of them wore their scars on the outside. All on the inside, more easily hidden, but perhaps more troubling.
Five and the knot.
The door slammed against the wall. Aelese rushed in, waving a parchment above her head.
“It’s here.” She gulped, gasping for air as she collided with a chair.
The carefully woven tapestry, hours of work, collapsed into a pile of sparks slowly extinguishing like the last coals in the ashes of a dying fire.
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