Posted in animals, art, comedian, entertainment, humor, life, love, Personal, sarcasm, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged animals on August 10, 2016| 5 Comments »
Posted in anxiety, art, books, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, life, literature, mental health, My Writing Updates, Personal, photography, Random, short story, sister, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged dreams, fantasy, Fiction, insanity, writing on August 8, 2016| 18 Comments »
I woke this morning from a dream turned nightmare. It starts colorful and bright, euphoric and exciting.
I’m carrying my baby so beautiful no one can take their eyes from her. Her face shines up at me from my arms as I walk through the store, showing her everything and she taking it all in.
A knowing look from a familiar face catches my eye. The world is illusion, replaced by reality. The bundle of joy in my arms turns to a wad of filthy rags. There is no baby and there never has been.
The world turns grey and dark, sharp and hard. I feel their eyes on me, like pawing hands pulling me apart seeing everything I really am. Most look on horrified or disgusted, a few pity me. I want to disappear, to cease to exist. But I don’t. I’m on display, my crazy rantings are on display.
Hands are gently pushing me towards the doors.
My sister come rescuer whispers, “Everything will be okay.”
I feel reality so sharp, my body is bleeding from cuts no one can see. I’m covered and cannot move without wanting to cry out. But I don’t, the pain of humiliation is too great. I keep silent.
I woke this morning from a dream turned nightmare. I don’t know where it came from. I tell myself I’ve never had delusions. At least I don’t think I have.
Posted in art, books, chocolate, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, food, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, sister, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged food on August 4, 2016| 17 Comments »
I wish I was a food designer. I’m sure they’re out there. People paid to come up with flavors of things like chips, jelly beans and protein bars.
I think a girl named Twig makes all the protein bar flavors. They all come in some kind of animal feed flavor – oats, wheat, or rice (crispy’s) and sugar.
Sure these things are good for a day or two and then they begin to wear on me. Fruit and grain, fruit and grain, day after day. Sure they throw in a few nuts every now and then, but it’s the same basic taste.
With my flavors I could open a “Protein Bar” Bar. So this is me ordering in my Protein Bar Bar.
“I’ll have the Chicken Fried Steak and Gravy Protein Bar, a side of Shrimp Fried Rice Protein Bar and a Margarita Protein Bar. Oh what the heck give me two Margarita Protein Bars. I’m not driving tonight.”
The waiter would chuckle and say, “Excellent choice, Madam.”
My sister would say, “Do you have the Lobster Dipped in Butter Protein Bar on the kids’ menu? I’m not very hungry. Can I substitute a Martini Protein Bar for the drink?”
I would roll my eyes behind her back and the waiter would chuckle again.
When he left I would say, “You know they have a special key on that computer that says “Spit in the Food” protein bar and he just used it on your order.”
She’d squawk, “No they don’t,” but she would closely inspect her food.
She thinks I don’t notice, but I do.
After she devours her little, tiny meal, she’d want a bite of mine which in reality would be half my food.
When I’m sick, I would have a Chicken Pot Pie Protein Bar and think about my Grandma.
And sometimes late at night when no one’s looking, I would have 4 or 5 Chocolate, Chocolate Truffle Ice Cream Protein Bars and maybe 2 or 3 Turtle Cheese Cake Protein Bars. The next day I would pretend I didn’t know who ate them.
Yeah, my protein bars would be like meals at the Jetson’s.
(This story does not in anyway reflect the things I might or might not do in reality. As for my sister who thinks your friends might see this and think it’s about you, you might want to consider why.)
Posted in art, entertainment, fantasy, humor, life, Personal, photography, sarcasm, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged fantasy on July 27, 2016| 5 Comments »
Posted in animals, art, comedian, comic, dog, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, love, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing on July 26, 2016| 25 Comments »
Posted in art, entertainment, family, humor, life, love, Personal, photography, sarcasm, sister, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged family on July 20, 2016| 14 Comments »
Posted in anxiety, art, books, entertainment, family, Fiction, health, life, Personal, photography, short story, sister, Writing, tagged Meet me by the Gate on July 19, 2016| 69 Comments »
April
Uncertainty
April 1
I was cleaning off my desk. I wanted everything to be ready, just in case. There was a pile of self help books. All designed to help you figure out what you really want to do. I keep starting them, then tossing them aside. I’m not sure I ever really performed the exercises or answered the profound questions. Why do you need so many books to answer one simple question – “what should you do with your life”? I set them aside. Possible lymphoma the doctor had said. Perhaps, if she were right, I’d go through them during chemo.
I boxed up all my paints – oils, watercolors, pastels, stabilizers, thickeners, and brushes. I doubt I’ll be using them any time soon. Perhaps I should give them to some young artist, maybe the Allen boy. Art supplies are expensive and he’s in college. He’d appreciate them.
I found the paint set I got for my tenth birthday, tubes of acrylics in a little wooden box. There were plastic inserts used to mix the paints with just the right amount of water. I used these to create my first masterpiece of a horse, Old Billy, eating grass in front of the barn. The brushes are gone, the paints dried up and the plastic inserts have disintegrated, but I think I’ll keep them just the same.
I keep thinking about my mother, diagnosed with cancer at my age, dead two years later. But I don’t have to worry, I don’t have cancer.
I sorted through some old files and found sketches I’d made in high school. When I was young, I thought I’d be an artist, a painter. I’ve been painting and drawing for as long as I can remember. I don’t know what I’ll do with these old pictures, but I can’t throw them away.
When should I tell my family? My younger sister, Allie has depended on me since our parents died. I don’t want to worry her if it turns out to be nothing, but I don’t want to wait too long either. I just don’t want to worry anyone if I don’t have to.
For more in this story, select the Meet Me By the Gate tab at the top of the page.
Posted in anxiety, art, books, depression, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, free, life, literature, love, mental health, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged compulsions on July 14, 2016| 51 Comments »
I love paper – old books, pretty patterns, and foreign magazines. I rescue broken books and posters from the garbage heap. And then they’re all just here and I don’t do anything with them. Tonight I have the urge to rip them all apart; keep the best parts; shuffle them around; and bind them back together, making something different.
It’s this souped up hyper feeling and all I can think about is tearing into these books. It’s an itch you can’t scratch. Why can’t I get some obsessive urge to do something positive? Will I spend the next three days ripping up books to find myself surrounded by piles of paper?
Already I know this feeling will be followed by a round of anxiety and then exhausted depression. That part I’m afraid of. If I knew I would wind up with something; a great novel, a painting, or some break through research, I would plunge ahead, depression be damned.
Maybe just tonight under the cover of darkness I’ll free some pages from their old bindings. I’ll take my medicine and in the morning I’ll try to redirect myself in a positive direction.
Posted in anxiety, art, comedian, entertainment, family, humor, life, Personal, photography, sarcasm, television, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged funny on July 11, 2016| 54 Comments »
My sister was tired of expensive cable bills, so she cancelled her cable.
Of course a cable company representative called to try and entice her back with a special offer. He asked, “I see you cancelled your cable service. May I ask why?”
I’m sure he expecting some reply like, ‘It’s too expensive’ or maybe ‘I don’t really watch it that much’.
Did my sister say one of these canned replies? No.
She said, “I canceled cable to get the devil out of my life.”
The voice on the other end of the phone was silent. That’s right, try to find a special offer for demonic possession. That story surely became call center legend.
Posted in animals, art, comedian, comic, entertainment, flash fiction, humor, life, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged animals on July 8, 2016| 38 Comments »
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