Posted in animals, art, comedian, entertainment, humor, life, love, Personal, sarcasm, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged animals on September 21, 2016| 6 Comments »
Posted in animals, art, comedian, comic, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, humor, life, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing on September 20, 2016| 2 Comments »
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged minds eye on September 15, 2016| 13 Comments »
Top 7 Reasons the Mayan calendar ended in 2012
Because the author’s chisel broke.
Because the author accrued a lot of vacation.
Because someone got carpal tunnel syndrome.
Because an overachiever got really far ahead.
Because they ran out of flat rocks.
Because the dirty English came with their chicken pox.
The great Mayan calendar maker’s strike of the 5th century B.C.
Posted in art, comedian, entertainment, family, fantasy, humor, life, love, Personal, photography, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged author on September 10, 2016| 30 Comments »
Do you remember when air travel was so much better, before the tight security? Back then you could stuff your husband’s body in a trunk, fly to France, dump it outside of Paris and still have time for dinner with your French boyfriend.
The dog barked, waking my husband.
“Hush,” I told the dog.
My husband rolled over, “Who are you talking to?”
“The dog.”
Who does he think? My French boyfriend hiding in the closet? Hopefully he doesn’t notice the body size suitcase. – Drusilla Signet (current character in question)
Posted in art, books, chick lit, comedian, comic, dating, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, love, Personal, photography, romance, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged work on September 8, 2016| 12 Comments »
Random scene that played out in my head while I was trying to sleep.
Pam’s heels clicked on the tile floor. We were headed to the Friday morning staff meeting. A couple of interns almost broke their necks trying to catch a glance at Pam’s rear. She was the kind of woman who attracted attention.
“Heads up,” I whispered, “Danny’s wife is going to call you.”
Danny had only been married for six months.
“Me, why?”
“She found out Danny and I slept together a couple of years ago.”
It had only been twice on a business trip to Rio. I had obviously lost my mind.
“And that involves me why?”
“I had to throw you under the bus to get her off the phone.” Danny’s wife had turned out to be the jealous type.
“Really?” Pam was still as cool as ever.
We entered the still empty conference room. It was way too bright without coffee, which I would have had by now if I wasn’t answering phone calls from Danny’s wife.
“I told her Danny slept with you, Marcie and Barb.”
“He slept with Barb?”
“Yeah.”
“When?”
“Between you and Marcie.”
“Was he trying to make me jealous?”
“Yeap,” I chuckled.
“Huh, I didn’t notice.”
“That made it more fun to watch.” I slid into my customary seat and waited for the others to join us.
“She called me a slut,” I said, tapping my pen.
Pam laughed, not just chuckled, an outright laugh.
I continued, “Do you think I’m a slut?”
“You haven’t slept with a man in two years. That and a few Hail Mary’s and you’re practically a nun.”
Other consultants began piling in the room. The rest of this conversation would have to wait.
Posted in animals, art, comedian, entertainment, family, humor, life, love, Personal, photography, romance, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged animals on September 7, 2016| 3 Comments »
Posted in art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, love, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged blood guardian on September 4, 2016| 7 Comments »
Scene in which Ambrose a vampire like creature is sitting on a roof while Madison who has slipped is hanging on the edge. He’s asked to help, but she tells him she doesn’t need his help. —-
I clung to the shingles on the roof’s edge. My hands slipped and I lost my hold.
Time paused and everything seemed to move in slow motion.
I fell backwards. Ambrose’s face moved further away. My arms were flailing, my hands reaching for him. The pounding of my heart filled my ears.
The cold night air pushed past me. as my head tipped further back, I could see the inked night above me. The stars. There were so many for being in the city. I could see my hair in front of me. Would this kill me or merely main me?
My heart pounded. The north star? I found myself searching for it. My heart beat. Funny I was falling and looking for a star.
Time caught up to me and I slammed to a stop.
I felt no pain. Had I hit the pavement so hard I felt nothing? My heart beat, I was alive.
Ambrose’s face hovered above mine.
He smiled. “I guess you needed me after all.”
He’d caught me.
My arms and legs began to flail again. But instead of reaching for him, I was pushing him away.
Arrogant Bastard.
Posted in art, children, comedian, comic, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, love, nephew, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, the pistol, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family. job, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, writer, writing on September 2, 2016| 14 Comments »
Some of you may remember my young nephew the Pistol. His one and only Grandpa died. Now the Pistol and one of his cousins Katie are the youngest of their siblings. The other kids are teenagers.
The main service was over and family members were coming forward to relate their stories. The adults went first followed by the teens. No one thought about the five year olds. In awesome Pistol style, my little nephew stood up and loudly announced, “I have something to say.”
The Pistol climbed the steps up front. And he began.
“Grampa won’t be able to give Katie rides on the tractor anymore, because … well … he’s dead. And now I would like to sing God Bless America.” At which point, he began belting it out. The audience rose and joined him.
It was a lovely way to end a funeral. Pistol, you’re awesome
Posted in art, children, comedian, comic, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged author, business, comedian, comedy, family, funny, humor, humour, life, work, writer on September 1, 2016| 24 Comments »
I couldn’t find my jeans. I was in a hurry since I had a “meeting” and waited till the last minute to get ready. Story of my life.
I raced to the laundry room, maybe my jeans were in there. My son was home doing his laundry. I glanced at the piles of clean and folded laundry. (He’s way too neat. Didn’t get it from me.)
“Are my jeans in here somewhere?”
He pulled a load from the dryer. “Here, these are your.”
There on top were my jeans. I grabbed them figuring I didn’t have time to handle the whole load right then. Besides if I leave them he’ll put them away later.
“Hey,” his voice stopped me, “take the whole load, they’re all yours.”
“You sound just like my mother.” I said, grabbing the bundle of clothes, not meaning this as a compliment.
To which my son replied, “Funny, you sound just like mine.”
Posted in art, comedian, comic, family, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, food, humor, life, love, My Writing Updates, Personal, photography, Random, sarcasm, short story, sister, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, comic, family, funny, humor, job, laugh, life, work, writer, writing on August 30, 2016| 34 Comments »
Every morning my obnoxious alarm goes off. Blinded by daylight, I slap it a couple of times and stumble to the kitchen. I stand in front of the open refrigerator door, drink milk straight from the carton, and grab a hard boiled egg.
I love cold hard boiled eggs so I make them on Sunday afternoon and put them in a container ready for the week. It adds to my mindless routine. I love mindless in the morning.
But one day it was different. Saturday morning, my siblings decided to get together. Early. Really early. They know I don’t do early, especially not on Saturday. Early Saturday in Deidra time means I’ll be 2 hours late. Whatever time you set.
To help me with this, they decided to meet at my house and for my convenience, they let themselves in. They’re really thoughtful that way.
An issue arose during the early morning gathering which has forced me to issue the following warning.
To the person who replaced my boiled egg with a frozen egg,
I’m narrowing the suspect pool. The noose is tightening. Feel my breath on the back of your neck as I close in. In the words of the immortal wicked witch of Oz.
“I will get you and your little dog too.”
Deidra Alexander's Blog 