life | Deidra Alexander's Blog

Posts Tagged ‘life’

My Grams Invented Road Rage

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, comic, family, fantasy, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, paranormal, writer, writing on March 17, 2014| 15 Comments »

I was about ten when my Grams introduced me to road rage. We were having a nice leisurely drive through the small town she lived in. A woman came up behind us and started honking. Now this was a large road with three lanes and only two cars on the road, hers and Grams’.

She continued honking for a while before Grams changed lanes. The young little twit didn’t know what she was in for. My Grams got right behind her and began honking, nonstop. She was laughing gleefully, not unlike a crazy witch on speed. This continued quite a while. We followed that pour woman into the parking lot. When she got out of her car, my Grams rolled down her window shook her fist and roared off.

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Have You Ever Made an Intern Do Your Laundry?

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, comic, family, fantasy, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, paranormal, writer, writing on March 13, 2014| 18 Comments »

Now that I’m employed I was thinking about getting some help. Perhaps there is some young bright eyed bushy tailed college student aspiring to a future in the personal assistant industry. Is that an industry? Whatever. I’m willing to gift that experience.
Here’s my intern daydream –
Intern: Good Morning, Miss A. Here’s your breakfast.
I sit up in bed, removing my sleeping mask, which I don’t have.
Me: Thank you, Peggy Sue.
Intern: That’s not my name.
Me : I don’t have time for this. Add learning your name to my calendar.
Intern: I’ve scheduled it for this afternoon.
DAY PROGRESSES
Intern leaving for the evening: I’ve sorted through your emails; processed the request for appearances, Yes to Oprah, no to Nolan; created a cover for your book; sent your sisters birthday gifts; made your bed and finished your laundry.
Me: I love you Peggy Sue.
Intern: My name’s not Peggy Sue.
Me: Add a reminder to learn your name to my calendar.

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Blog Characters Begging for Their Own Story

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, comic, family, fantasy, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, paranormal, writer, writing on March 11, 2014| 22 Comments »

I’ve blogged about people I’ve known at various times in my life. Last night I had a dream where almost everyone of them lived in a small town together.

There was Maybelle, my ex-bosses, my sisters, the pistol and his family, etc. Plus a man who came into the local dinner naked. I didn’t write about him, he just invaded my dream without his pants. And not in a good way.

Would anyone be interested in reading about these characters and their fictional adventures? Let me know your thoughts.

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How I Made My Boss a Vampire

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, culture, family, food, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, work, writer, writing on March 8, 2014| 10 Comments »

I was going to tell you how I made my vampire boss my best friend. (If you’re new to my blog check out More Fun with Bosses to find out more about my vampire boss. Real person, not kidding.)

My vampire boss made men’s blood run cold. If you could hear the click, click, click of her high heels coming, someone was going to get his/her throat ripped out. One day I knew that click, click, click was coming for me.

I waited a little apprehensive. No one likes to have their throat ripped out. I made a vow to myself as she ripped around the corner. Either we were going to be friends after this or she would leave parading my head on a stick.

With her face screwed up like a demon about to unleash it’s venom, she opened her mouth.

Holding up my hand, palm facing her, I said, “Stop. I know you have a problem and I am here to help you, but first you have to wipe that expression off your face and calm yourself done.”

After that, she was my best friend. She would even run out and bring my lunch back if I was busy. Of course I’d ask her to, her and the CIO. He brought me lunch several times too. Hey no problem asking.

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Glippie-trippie-seed – Mythical Medical Terms

Posted in humor, Uncategorized, tagged comedian, comedy, family, funny, humor, humour, job, life on March 4, 2014| 15 Comments »

I glippie-trippie-seed myself. For those not in the medical industry, an explanation.

I tripped over a cord. Just as I recovered, I tripped on a rug, slamming my palm into the corner of my desk. I twisted my other hand against my desk (both bruised).

Then, in order to stop myself, I rammed my head into a wooden shelf. Though it may be more accurate to say the shelf stopped me as I was moving and it was not.

To summarize, Glippie-trippie-seed: a double trip ending with a few tears and a big ouch. Resulting in a headache involving no alcohol. Followed up with several Advil. You probably saw it in the Olympics.

~~If Advil wants to sponsor me, I can find other shameless ways to plug their drug.~~

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More Fun with Bosses

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, culture, family. job, food, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, pizza, work, writer, writing on February 28, 2014| 21 Comments »

I’ve had a couple of bosses who were able to appreciate my sense of humor.

I was working on a project with about 75 people, 60 of whom were vegetarians. We were working particularly late one night, so a manager, lets call him Randall, ordered pizzas for everyone.

When the smell of Italian seasoning and bread filled my cube, I meandered on down to the conference room of delicious goodness.

The table was loaded with pizza of every description: salami, sausage, pepperoni, and so on. Until we got to the last two pizzas which were vegetarian. I stood there by Randall observing the luscious display.

I said, “Next time you should get more vegetarian. You know almost everyone’s a vegetarian.”

He said, “I did.”

“I only see two.”

“There’s those mushroom, onion, and bacon pizzas.”

I waited.

“Oh crap, bacon.You must think I’m an idiot.”

“No, I prefer special.”