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Posts Tagged ‘life’


4 (3)

Damn Gecko.

 

 

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I can’t imagine why a Reindeer Pot Roast recipe is included in my family archives . Was Santa on someone s**t list? Was one of my ancestors going to show Mr. Claus what when you leave a stocking full of oranges instead of candy? I can;t tell you for sure.

But I can give you a jist of the recipe.

Wipe down the roast with LARD, preferably salted pork lard. (You can tell the age of a recipe by the term used to reference fat. This one’s old.)

Roll roast in flour, salt, and pepper.

Fry the roast in more salted pork LARD (1/2 pound) in a “kettle”. (Yeah, this is an old recipe.)

Brown flour in “Kettle”. (Okay, she was confused about kettles, but hey, she could write, so get over it.)

Place roast on rack in bottom of kettle. (Because hey don’t forget the LARD is still in there. Add water, seasonings (not getting too fancy because the only seasoning is one bay leaf) , cover and simmer.

Add carrots, onions, potatoes and turnips. (Haven’t heard that one in a recipe in a long time.)

If you don’t have enough meat for everyone make dumplings.

And so my Foodie Friends, add that one to your cookbook!

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02 (5)

What’s her story?

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3 (5)

Why I oughta…

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Another recipe from the family vault. I’m amazed to find someone write this recipe down, but it’s your gain or loss, whatever.

Think oysters on the half shell but without the oyster. Okay, this may be a little too gourmet for some of you, so bear with me.

To start, you’re going to need cooked rice. Combine the rice with water, Worcestershire, vinegar, sugar, ketchup 

(You know it’s high class when ketchup’s in the ingredients.)

and butter. 

(Because we all know bologna doesn’t contain the fat content we’re looking for.)

Heat all that crap up. (I should write a cookbook with descriptions like that.)

In the meantime heat up fat, yes I said it, FAT in a skillet. (I like it when they just call a spade a spade.)

Brown the bologna. Now you’re getting it. Bologna cups, half shells. 

Fill the bologna cup with rice, top with cheese, and broil.

There you have it. What I like to call – Country Folk Half Shells.

God, I thought fancy bologna was greatness when I was a kid.

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3 (2)

Look see, this is our beach. Don’t make me get the other bouncers. Cause Walrus baby, we will take you on.

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What do you think happened? And no, you can’t say global warming.

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How about a little fiction?

Inquisitions weren’t unheard of these days. But they were certainly rare enough. I never thought I might be involved in one of them.

How could everything have gone so wrong? Our first mission end not just in failure, but death. I glanced on either side of me and saw the worn tired faces of my team members, my younger sisters. Was it my imagination or did they look broken?

The empty seat of our necromancer, cousin Sarh, caught my eye.

I remembered when my Aunt and Uncle had realized their precious little darling was born to raise the dead. Sarh had barely been four. Her parents were hosting the mid-summers celebration. Everyone had been there. Imagine her parents’ shock when the family cat, dead two weeks came romping through the house. Their golden haired four year old following after. I was only six and still remembered my horror. I was always a little repulsed by her.

Nausea swept over me. How could I have ever been repulsed a girl, my cousin, my family?

“Why did you not call for assistance?” The voice of the inquisitor brought me back.

My hand trembled, my eyes stung. I blinked. I couldn’t cry during the inquisition. I would win their sympathy perhaps, but they would never let me off world again. Let alone lead my team.

“We have no elders. The rest of my family are younger than us, still in school. We couldn’t risk their lives. I wasn’t sure we would even make it.”

The old men magicked our family history. The shimmering outline of the text was in front of them.

“Surely there was someone,” the old man said, as he flipped through the text. “Ah, here.”

I closed my eyes and began silently counting. Trying not to remember the mid-summer’s celebration. My sisters’ and

I were hiding beneath the house.

One, two, three tables on the lawn.

Four, five, six, white table clothes fluttered in the summer breeze.

Seven, eight, nine a flash of light my Grandmother fell her eyes staring at nothing.

Ten, Eleven, Twelve the world stopped for a moment.

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. Silence, nothing, it wasn’t real. a

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen. A scream, tables overturning, everyone running.

Nineteen, twenty. My Father lay gasping in front of us.

That was the day that took the rest of our family.

And now Sarh.

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Except for the occasional pollution.

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First day on the job, I was told to sit in on a client meeting to see how these Q & A sessions go. It was a phone conference. The client was in their offices and we were in ours. 

The client had about five people on the line, we had one guy, Bill and me. Of course he was doing all the talking. 

Midway through, a woman on the client side began yelling over everything Bill said. Finally, she was screaming things like, “You can’t be that stupid.”

At this point, Bill closed his laptop, picked up his stuff and just left without a word. 

The tirade continued with just me on the line.

She finally ended with. “Do you understand that, BILL?” She slurred his name in a most unattractive manner.

I hesitated for a moment, before taking the phone of off mute and said in a small voice, “Um, hi. I’m Deidra”

<pause>

“This is my first day.”

<pause>

“Um, Bill left a while ago.”

<pause>

“I don’t know anything about the super awesome thingie. Do you want to leave a message?”

<pause, silence, no response>

“Okay then, I guess we can adjourn.”

I didn’t know that day, but I had been introduced to the woman who would be my arch nemesis for the next two years.

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