Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, comic, family, fantasy, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, paranormal, writer, writing on March 11, 2014| 22 Comments »
I’ve blogged about people I’ve known at various times in my life. Last night I had a dream where almost everyone of them lived in a small town together.
There was Maybelle, my ex-bosses, my sisters, the pistol and his family, etc. Plus a man who came into the local dinner naked. I didn’t write about him, he just invaded my dream without his pants. And not in a good way.
Would anyone be interested in reading about these characters and their fictional adventures? Let me know your thoughts.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, culture, family, food, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, work, writer, writing on March 8, 2014| 10 Comments »
I was going to tell you how I made my vampire boss my best friend. (If you’re new to my blog check out More Fun with Bosses to find out more about my vampire boss. Real person, not kidding.)
My vampire boss made men’s blood run cold. If you could hear the click, click, click of her high heels coming, someone was going to get his/her throat ripped out. One day I knew that click, click, click was coming for me.
I waited a little apprehensive. No one likes to have their throat ripped out. I made a vow to myself as she ripped around the corner. Either we were going to be friends after this or she would leave parading my head on a stick.
With her face screwed up like a demon about to unleash it’s venom, she opened her mouth.
Holding up my hand, palm facing her, I said, “Stop. I know you have a problem and I am here to help you, but first you have to wipe that expression off your face and calm yourself done.”
After that, she was my best friend. She would even run out and bring my lunch back if I was busy. Of course I’d ask her to, her and the CIO. He brought me lunch several times too. Hey no problem asking.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family, fantasy, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, paranormal, writer, writing on March 7, 2014| 25 Comments »
Hey everyone,
Sorry I neglected you for the past couple of days. When I left you, I was given a kind of offer, nothing in writing. For the rest of the week I have been having multiple interviews per day, gather work samples and creating samples for things I didn’t have.
Finally, late this afternoon, after the third interview of the day, I got a solid offer. It came after I interviewed with the Vice President who said, “Now that’s someone I can have a drink with.”
I start on Tuesday and will be in Texas next week and Sioux Falls every other week after that. Thank you for your encouragement and well wishes.
Now I’m off to watch trashy TV – an entire season of Amish Mafia. I love that infighting.
Posted in humor, Uncategorized, tagged comedian, comedy, family, funny, humor, humour, job, life on March 4, 2014| 15 Comments »
I glippie-trippie-seed myself. For those not in the medical industry, an explanation.
I tripped over a cord. Just as I recovered, I tripped on a rug, slamming my palm into the corner of my desk. I twisted my other hand against my desk (both bruised).
Then, in order to stop myself, I rammed my head into a wooden shelf. Though it may be more accurate to say the shelf stopped me as I was moving and it was not.
To summarize, Glippie-trippie-seed: a double trip ending with a few tears and a big ouch. Resulting in a headache involving no alcohol. Followed up with several Advil. You probably saw it in the Olympics.
If Advil wants to sponsor me, I can find other shameless ways to plug their drug.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, writer, writing on March 3, 2014| 41 Comments »
Holy Moly. Mother of Super Yahuperness. I have a job offer. It’s in the Dakotas so I just need a way to get there and really warm clothes. Don’t know whether I’m excited or panicked, probably both. I’m inspired, perchance a haiku
Yeah yeah yeah
I don’t know what to say
I know haiku’s aren’t supposed to rhyme
But I can’t help myself most of the time
I have a jooob
I have a jooob
I have a jooob
I’ll try to write something of substance tomorrow. If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know that’s a lie. I never post anything of substance.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, culture, family. job, food, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, life, pizza, work, writer, writing on February 28, 2014| 21 Comments »
I’ve had a couple of bosses who were able to appreciate my sense of humor.
I was working on a project with about 75 people, 60 of whom were vegetarians. We were working particularly late one night, so a manager, lets call him Randall, ordered pizzas for everyone.
When the smell of Italian seasoning and bread filled my cube, I meandered on down to the conference room of delicious goodness.
The table was loaded with pizza of every description: salami, sausage, pepperoni, and so on. Until we got to the last two pizzas which were vegetarian. I stood there by Randall observing the luscious display.
I said, “Next time you should get more vegetarian. You know almost everyone’s a vegetarian.”
He said, “I did.”
“I only see two.”
“There’s those mushroom, onion, and bacon pizzas.”
I waited.
“Oh crap, bacon.You must think I’m an idiot.”
“No, I prefer special.”
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family. job, funny, Home, humor, humour, job, laugh, writer, writing on February 27, 2014| 18 Comments »
If you’ve come to this blog looking for the book Live, Laugh, Love, move along. Don’t read any further, nothing to see here.
This blog is Scream, Cry, Jump Up and Down with a Little PMS and Lots of Alcohol thrown in. My furnace is broken. It was 18F. And my space heater broke. Argh, I may not get out of bed until spring.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family. job, france, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, paranormal, paris, travel, vampire, witch, writer, writing on February 25, 2014| 22 Comments »
I have several bosses that I loved working for. The most fun are the ones who play along with my insanity. One of my bosses moved to France and I miss her horribly. Her name was Elizabeth, so I called her Lizardibreath to her face. And behind her back.
There was a particular incident that demonstrates our relationship.
I was having lunch at my desk: burger, fries, a packet of salt and of course a diet soda.
Lizard-breath came stomping around the corner. We could all hear her coming. The click, click of her high heels running through the isle ways made grown men cringe.
“I need you to …”
I held up my hand for her to stop, opened the packet of salt and sprinkled it in a circle around my chair. “Ok, now what?” I asked.
She responded without skipping a beat. “I’m not a witch, I’m a vampire. I need you to ….”
“Damn it, I forgot the garlic salt.”
“Go through the clients records and …”
She was always up for the game. I really miss Lizard-breath. She just had to move to France. How insensitive can one person be?
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged animals, author, comedian, comedy, cooking, family. job, foodie, funny, grandmothers, humor, humour, job, laugh, recipe, squirrel, writer, writing on February 24, 2014| 25 Comments »
I have a whole shelf full of recipes from my ancestors, some of which are really great. Others are a bit odd. Someone has included notes on how to buy meat from the butcher. That tells you where most of the meat came from.
I’m not going to tell you how to make a crown roast out of hotdogs. I’ll save that for another day. Today is squirrel roasting day. Getting gigglie yet?
For this recipe you’ll need 3 small squirrels (so send a boy out with a good BB gun, they’ll generally drag you back a couple).
You’ll also need cooking oil, (We’re getting fancy now, usually it just lard or grease.) lemon juice, bread crumbs, milk, (Use cream if you’re having the preacher over.) mushrooms, salt, pepper, onion juice, (There aren’t instructions for juicing an onion, hum.) and bacon fat (My Gramm’s didn’t fail me. She says, “There’s no substitute for bacon lard.”)
I think it goes without saying but just in case dress, clean and wash the critters before you start. Marinade the meat with oil and lemon juice for at least 1 hour. Yum-Yum sounding good already, doesn’t it?
Stuff the squirrels with everything else. Sew it up, truss it and roast. Brush it with the bacon fat every 15 minutes. Serve it up with some pan gravy. And there you have it.
Ah heck, I should’ve put this recipe out for Thanksgiving. I apologize.
P.S If you don’t know who to dress and clean a squirrel, I’ll include that in the Braised Moose recipe. I’ll try to get to it before Easter.
Posted in art, comic, family, humor, Personal, Random, sarcasm, Uncategorized, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, family. job, funny, humor, humour, job, laugh, writer, writing on February 22, 2014| 20 Comments »
Dear Abbie,
I know you must work at Careerbuilder, because your emails end with their name. You send me emails almost everyday. Always with the same subject XYZ Company is interested in you.
I fell for it the first couple of times. I mean who wouldn’t. You work at a large employment site which I regularly use. I figure you have the inside scoop and have found me <blank> (charming, pathetic, funny, sad, annoying, add your own).
I thought perhaps these companies are really shy, like back in grade school and wanted you to slip me a little note. “We like you, do you like us, check yes or no.” I went directly to the company and said, “Yes, I like you and would love to go steady.”
However… Not only did they not send the note, they had never heard of me. And when they had they were nice enough. “We’re sure you’re a really nice person (call security we’ve got a live one.), but we’re already going steady and we really like him… a lot.”
How humiliating.
You’re on notice Abbie. I’m hip to you and your funny hijinks. So when you get an email telling you some awesome company wants to go steady with you, remember I’ve got my eye on you.
Dee
P.S. Am I still your friend? Check Yes or No. NO big fat NNNNNOOOOOO!
Deidra Alexander's Blog