Posted in art, comedian, comic, Fantasy/Scifi, humor, photography, sarcasm on August 13, 2015| 9 Comments »
Posted in alcohol, animals, comedian, comic, humor, sarcasm, tagged funny on February 23, 2015| 10 Comments »
Due to ice and not the “cooling my Margarita” kind of ice, I’m trapped in Dallas when I should be in New York City.
The heat in my house is less than adequate. If I had little children, they would be wearing their cute little imaginary snow suits. As it is the kittens, who are HUGE (Maine coons cats) kept wheedling their way under my blankets to warm their paws on any expose skin they can find. Little darlings (again, sarcasm).
I was rotting my brain watching YouTube when I came across a video of men getting a-steams. Which is the steaming of the nether regions. You know, the one that starts with a…
You sit relaxing over a chair hole while hot tea boils beneath you. I was thinking holy mackerel, my Finnish friends with the love of saunas have started their own spa chain.
I haven’t had a manicure, pedicure or even a facial. So it may surprise you when I say, I have had my a.. steamed. Usually it’s in the middle of August and you’re praying the temperature will get down to 100 F (38 C), but you know it won’t until September. Then as sure as butter will fry your bacon, I inevitably say, “My butt is sweating.”
And you telling me people really pay for this. I’m starting a spa. Come on down to Texas and we can steam you. Just shove this green tea bag up your. Well, you know where. That’ll be five dollars please.
P.S. Next time I want to tell someone off, I’ll say, “Shove it in your chair hole and sit on it.”
Posted in amnesty, comedian, comic, humor, immigration, immigration reform, politics, sarcasm, tagged amnesty, immigration, immigration reform on February 18, 2015| 30 Comments »
This picture has nothing to do with the post. Just liked it.
I’ve been thinking about the amnesty tax credit thing. I’ll catch you up just in case. There’s an illegal alien amnesty program being bantered around the U.S. If you’re from certain countries, you can claim amnesty to stay in the United States.
In addition, you’ll get a social security number which will give you the right to vote in U.S. elections even though you aren’t a citizen. You’ll also be allowed to collect the tax credit which is $6,000 per year. The program allows you to collect for this year plus the last 3 years for a total of $24,000 tax free.
Never one to give up twenty four thousand tax free dollars, I’ve come up with a plan. I think I should renounce my U.S. citizenship and get a new one from one of the countries included in the amnesty program. Then claim amnesty thus securing my own twenty four thousand tax free dollars.
Now I just need to decide on a country. I don’t speak Spanish which may narrow my options. And then I want to do from the comfort of my home, preferably still in my pajamas.
Yes, I am lazy and greedy. Any suggestions?
Posted in animals, comedian, comic, Writing, tagged animals, cat sitting, kittens on December 22, 2014| 16 Comments »
I’m kitten sitting for a friend. See Day 1 for more details.
The kittens wore themselves out yesterday. I was wiggling my feet under the quilt on my bed and they were pouncing on my every move. They grabbed at the pink flowers and birds, taking a bite every now and then. I confess, I was egging them on.
They completely wore themselves out. The little orange balls lay curled up with their arms around each other. Nothing could be cuter. Since they were sleeping so peacefully, I decided to turn in early. I turned off the light and snuggled down under the blankets. I had no idea that was the signal for them to go stark raving mad!
The pair took off. Feet pounding down the hall, from one end to the other, back and forth.
Lying in bed, the sound was so sweet drumming along. Until the race didn’t stop at my end of the hall. They came pounding through my door, up my bed and over my face, leaving a nice scratch and bruise on my forehead. They are a little heavier than I first thought. I locked the pair out of my room for the rest of the night.
This morning I discovered a roll of toilet paper shredded to bits. The two had gotten back into the cabinet they learned to open yesterday and had their way with the last roll. Not to worry, I have two more stashed away in the laundry room.
This afternoon they discovered the potted plants I bring in during the winter. I even have a tree about seven feet tall that’s been with me for years and huge ferns several feet wide. In all there’s about twenty large pots vying for the light from the large window. The kittens spend quit a bit of time roaming through them and watching the squirrels through the window.
One negative, these animals are pooping, purring, peeing machines. They fill up a litter box like nobody’s business.
I could keep these fellows forever.
Posted in animals, comedian, humor, short story, Writing, tagged animals, cat sitting, kittens on December 21, 2014| 17 Comments »
I’m kitty sitting two male, orange tabbies. They’re about three months old and so cute. One is very lovey. He lays in your arms for hours sleeping. The other is more standoffish. But when he wants to be petted, he wants it now.
These little guys are so smart, they figured out how to open one of my cabinet doors in the bathroom. Max and Sam look at me with their big wide eyes, I don’t know how I’ll be able to send them home.
Posted in comedian, comic, family, Fantasy/Scifi, humor, My Writing Updates, Personal, Random, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, Writing, tagged author, comedian, comedy, comic, family, funny, humor, job, laugh, life, work, writer, writing on September 11, 2014| 32 Comments »
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