Move Kitten Your Paws are Cold

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Move Kitten Your Paws are Cold

February 23, 2015 by Deidra Alexander

Due to ice and not the “cooling my Margarita” kind of ice, I’m trapped in Dallas when I should be in New York City.

The heat in my house is less than adequate. If I had little children, they would be wearing their cute little imaginary snow suits. As it is the kittens, who are HUGE (Maine coons cats) kept wheedling their way under my blankets to warm their paws on any expose skin they can find. Little darlings (again, sarcasm).

I was rotting my brain watching YouTube when I came across a video of men getting a-steams. Which is the steaming of the nether regions. You know, the one that starts with a…

You sit relaxing over a chair hole while hot tea boils beneath you. I was thinking holy mackerel, my Finnish friends with the love of saunas have started their own spa chain.

I haven’t had a manicure, pedicure or even a facial. So it may surprise you when I say, I have had my a.. steamed. Usually it’s in the middle of August and you’re praying the temperature will get down to 100 F (38 C), but you know it won’t until September. Then as sure as butter will fry your bacon, I inevitably say, “My butt is sweating.”

And you telling me people really pay for this. I’m starting a spa. Come on down to Texas and we can steam you. Just shove this green tea bag up your. Well, you know where. That’ll be five dollars please.

P.S. Next time I want to tell someone off, I’ll say, “Shove it in your chair hole and sit on it.”

Posted in alcohol, animals, comedian, comic, humor, sarcasm | Tagged funny | 10 Comments

10 Responses

on February 23, 2015 at 7:59 pm | Reply lulu

That must be a Dallas thing!!

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- on March 2, 2015 at 10:35 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Maybe, thanks Lulu. Dee
  
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on February 23, 2015 at 8:08 pm | Reply John W. Howell

Here in South Texas we wouldn’t give you five bucks for an A steam. We just keep our Wranglers on in the summer for no charge

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- on March 2, 2015 at 10:34 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I’m on east Texas but was raised on south Texas and I can honestly say, I know what you mean. Thanks John. Dee
  
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on February 23, 2015 at 9:26 pm | Reply Let's CUT the Crap!

😀 😀 😀 This is ridiculously hilarious.

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- on March 2, 2015 at 10:32 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks, I love that little guy. Dee
  
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on February 24, 2015 at 12:47 am | Reply dannyboystories

Uh…even though it’s -1 where I am, I believe I shall drink my tea, thank you very much.

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- on March 2, 2015 at 10:32 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  You’re welcome. And thanks for the comment. Dee
  
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on February 24, 2015 at 12:11 pm | Reply Jami Zehr

if you like spas and steam baths, and would prefer them in the winter when you aren’t already sweating, there is a great spa in Dallas called King Spa and Sauna. It’s actually quite lovely. It’s a Korean based spa, but has been American-ized. And yes, they have a sit and steam thing for the ladies as well, it is supposed to have medicinal benefits. I’ve never tried it, but it is intriguing. It’s called a V-Steam: http://www.kingspa.com/dallas/v_steam.html

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- on March 2, 2015 at 10:29 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hum, you have my attention now. I might have to try it out.
  
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