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Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category

I’m in the Crap Business

Posted in comedian, comic, family, humor, short story, Uncategorized, Writing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 18, 2014| 38 Comments »


I started a new job a week ago. Tuesday was my first day.

Tuesday: I’ve received twenty-five documents to read today. And I don’t have a computer yet. I’ll be traveling a lot, so they’re sending a laptop. Yeah!

Wednesday: All of the documents I received are from 2010-2012. I think they might be outdated. Also they’re all about different subjects and there’s nothing to connect them. I’m going to keep plugging along, it’ll make sense soon. P.S. Didn’t get the computer today. 😦

Thursday: I’ve received a task to complete by Monday. They documents I have are definitely outdated. I don’t have access to the company’s library. Did I mention I didn’t get my laptop today?

Friday: I received my laptop. Yeah! 🙂 I got someone to send me a couple of documents about my assignment to write about something I don’t know anything about yet.

Saturday: Trying to catch up today. I don’t have access yet. I talked to IT, they said the forms haven’t been signed. So I can’t login. In the meantime, people are sending me emails to a box I can’t access. Great. 😦

Sunday: Ok, I bit the bullet and just started writing about what little crap I have.

Monday: I sent out my crap for review. I don’t know if it was a test or hazing, but at least I have a draft. I’m sure I’m receiving lots of informative email messages in the box I can’t open. On a side note – I received a call from 1989. They want their computer back.

Tuesday Morning: Got back comment from the crap I wrote, not too bad. I have several meetings online.

Tuesday Afternoon: I attended this morning’s meetings. Still don’t know crap and can’t access crap. Some people sent me more bits and pieces of their favorite crap to my personal email account. Nothing to tie it all together. When I ask questions, I’m told to look in the documents from 2010. With a warning, these documents need to be updated. They’re three years old. Oh crap.

They’re sending me to the corporate offices tomorrow way up in freezing land. It’s thirty degrees there. I live in a desert, I don’t have a coat. Super crap.

So to summarize, I’m going to the mother ship in the frozen tundra without a coat. I don’t know crap about crap. I have meetings all day about crap, but it’s not related to the crap I’m supposed to finish by Friday.

I think that pretty much summarizes new jobs, everything’s crap for a while.

P.S. My laptop times out when I open emails. I think it might be crap.

 

 

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Abbie, You Are a Big, Fat Liar

Posted in art, comic, family, humor, Personal, Random, sarcasm, Uncategorized, Writing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on February 22, 2014| 20 Comments »


Dear Abbie,

I know you must work at Careerbuilder, because your emails end with their name. You send me emails almost everyday. Always with the same subject XYZ Company is interested in you.

I fell for it the first couple of times. I mean who wouldn’t. You work at a large employment site which I regularly use. I figure you have the inside scoop and have found me <blank> (charming, pathetic, funny, sad, annoying, add your own).

I thought perhaps these companies are really shy, like back in grade school and wanted you to slip me a little note. “We like you, do you like us, check yes or no.” I went directly to the company and said, “Yes, I like you and would love to go steady.”

However… Not only did they not send the note, they had never heard of me. And when they had they were nice enough. “We’re sure you’re a really nice person (call security we’ve got a live one.), but we’re already going steady and we really like him… a lot.”

How humiliating.

You’re on notice Abbie. I’m hip to you and your funny hijinks. So when you get an email telling you some awesome company wants to go steady with you, remember I’ve got my eye on you.

Dee

P.S. Am I still your friend? Check Yes or No. NO big fat NNNNNOOOOOO!

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True Confession

Posted in Writing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2011| 24 Comments »


Though I have many things to confess, most of which I’ve already been absolved, I have a fear of words. One hundred and forty characters invigorates me. A blog post makes me a little nervous. Can I find something interesting that will last more than one hundred and forty characters? Not sure.

A novel of 50,000+ words? Not so afraid, there’s a structure, word limits, rules and regulations to follow.

My true and total fear – the short story. How long is enough or too long? How many plot points? Number of twists one, two or three? I feel no guidance in writing a short story and maybe that should be the draw – freedom. But I like rules and guides.

So I have a phobia of short stories. I’ve tried researching them, but the only cure I can think of is to write them. So, I’m going to write one a day. I’m not going to worry if I don’t have an end or if it’s really boring and sucks. I’m just going to write one short story a day.

I’m going to love writing short stories even if it kills me.

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Recommended Reading

Posted in Recommendations, Writing Help, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2011| Leave a Comment »


Someone asked a question about creating perfect characters, so here’s my two cents worth.
If you have a super perfect character, then the story is usually told from someone else’s pov such as Watson for Sherlock Holmes or if you have super bad characters with no redeeming characteristics, then the story is usually told from a better character’s pov, such as the “The Beans of Egypt, Maine” by Carolyn Chute. The POV character is Earline, the girl across the street.
I also like the idea of giving super dark characters a goodness quality, like Artemis from “Artemis Fowl” by Eoin Colfer
An author who is really good at creating many believable sympathetic characters in one novel is Cecily von Zeigesar. Yes, I know she writes “Gossip Girls” and I am rolling my eyes, but she’s great with character sketches.
I always advocate buying other authors’ books, but I know that’s not practical for everyone, including me. So you can read excepts from Chute and Zeigesar’s books on Google Books and Amazon and Colfer’s book on Amazon. I recommend the first in Colfer’s series Artemis Fowl. This has made me think I might need to put together a book list of authors who do things well.
Write on.
D

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Week 2 Plotting Lesson

Posted in Uncategorized, Writing Help, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2011| 3 Comments »


I’m not a fan of the hero’s journey or the 3 act structure. The third act or middle just remains this huge mass of undefined territory.
I like the idea of 4 acts or parts instead of 3 to break things down further.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far.
The four acts:
1. Setup
2. Response
3. Attack
4. Resolution
1. Setup – composed of hook, hero, stakes, foreshadowing, current world. Main character is an orphan without a purpose.
2. Response – composed of running, hiding, analyzing, calculating, observing, recruiting. Main character is a wanderer/responder with a purpose, but no good direction. S/he is fearful, hesitant
3. Attack – composed of overcoming, obtaining, leading, gets new information/skills. Main character is a warrior.
4. Resolution – composed of changing, overcoming, winning or sacrificing. No new information, skills or people can be introduced. Main character is a winner/martyer.
I’m currently editing the end of Act 1 Setup and am going to start working on the Response act soon.
Hope this is helpful to someone else.
Write On.

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A Novelist I Will Be

Posted in Recommendations, Writing Help, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on January 24, 2011| 2 Comments »


I went to a local writer’s meeting yesterday. Where I confessed to not being able to plot, which is a HUGE handicap if you want to be a writer. A woman, whose name I don’t know told me to do the following:

1. Go to storyfix.com, download and read Story Structure Demystified

2. Go to Michael Hauge’s blog, study his plotting chart and read his past blogs on plotting

3. Go to Randy Ingermanson’s blog and get his book Writing for Dummies.

I’ve started #1 and must say Story Structure Demystified is really good. I’m beginning to get the big picture.

I’ve learned so far novels are composed of 4 stages. The first being Setup and ending with the first plot point. My current work doesn’t do a good job of setup and misses the first plot point altogether. So you know how I’ll be spending my week. Editing section 1 of my current work, Feral.

For now, Write On

D

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Day 3

Posted in My Writing Updates, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on November 27, 2010| 1 Comment »


Bad News

I lost a chapter I wrote yesterday. Apparently I had a little computer problem. I’m hoping I have it on paper somewhere. So I haven’t given up yet. However, if I tried to write it electronically instead of hardcopy first, then it is gone forever.

Good News

I managed to fix my plotting issue and am back to writing. I finished two more chapters and believe I’m in the home stretch to finishing my rough draft. Only two days remain.

And I must fit in another murder before the climatic event. I still haven’t decided who to murder first old childhood friend or father’s old friend who was like an uncle to the heroine. Can’t decide which one will have the most impact.

I’m going to get one more chapter in before going to sleep.

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Count Down

Posted in My Writing Updates, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on November 25, 2010| Leave a Comment »


Day 4 also referred to as Thanksgiving Thursday

I’ve escaped the big meal without eating big, so I’m still feeling ready to write. An unfortunate incident caused a stall in yesterday’s plan.

I realized this section of my manuscript becomes episodic, meaning a series of unrelated events. Each scene should lead to the next and this isn’t happening in this part of my plot.

I’ve been able to get about half of the next set of scenes to lead logically from one to the other, but then it just breaks down.

I know my strengths are character and voice with my current weakness being plotting. My plan for this evening – to write until I hit the episodic part and hope ideas come. I’ll let you know how this works out tomorrow.

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Making the Most of It

Posted in My Writing Updates, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2010| Leave a Comment »


Count Down Day 6

I have the following 6 days to dedicate almost 100% to working on my manuscript, a cross between Divinci Code and Under World. A few months ago I was able to finish about 90% of a rough draft.

I recently made changes that affect the entire manuscript. I changed the plot, added characters, including a new villian, removed characters, changed some characters’ nationality, reset some scenes, deleted scene, and added scenes. So I’m trying to complete the rewrites in the next 6 days. I’m about a quarter of the way through.

Today’s Goal:

Write 2 new scenes

Modify/Rewrite 10 scenes

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Drusilla’s Morning

Posted in Fantasy/Scifi, My Writing Updates, Writing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2010| 11 Comments »


I sometimes have a character without a story, who is interesting none the less. Someday, maybe Drusilla will have a story of her own. I’m sure there’s at least one hiding in there somewhere –
Do you remember when air travel was so much better, before the tight security? Back then you could stuff your husband’s body in a trunk, fly to France, dump it outside of Paris and still have time for dinner with your French boyfriend.

The dog barked, waking my husband .
“Hush,” I told the dog.
My husband rolled over, “Who are you talking to?”
“The dog.”

Who does he think? My French boyfriend hiding in the closet? Hopefully he doesn’t notice the body size suitcase. – Drusilla Signet (current character in question)

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