Deidra Alexander's Blog

“I can’t let little Billy chew gum. He keeps swallowing it,” one of my friends, Anna said picking through her cob salad, no bacon, no onions, no eggs, no cheese, no ham, no croutons, dressing on the side.

I know what’s left, right?

“That’s so unhealthy,” Barbara, another of my friends agreed. She was still moving her plain chicken breast and broccoli around her plate.

Tammy was eating a “hamburger” sans the bread, ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickles and cheese.

They were all on a diet of some sort: Anna low fat, Barbara low carb and Tammy paleo.

“You know it takes a month to digest,” Tammy said.

“I know,” Anna agreed.

Barbara nodded.

The waitress set my second margarita in front of me. I was on the liquid diet, my favorite. “Seriously?” I exclaimed, loudly. I did say it was my second margarita, extra tequila. “You believe that?”

They and half the restaurant turned to look at me.

Anna rolled her eyes, “Didn’t we ban her from her tequila diet last summer?”

“You believe that gum sits in your stomach without digesting for a month? Oh my God, you have got to be kidding me.”

“Yeah, I think I’m remembering why.” Barbara whispered to Anna sighing.

“I can tell you for a fact that isn’t true,” I continued. “If chewing gum didn’t digest for a month, swallowing gum would be a cheap form of bariatric surgery. I’d swallow a whole pack every wee. It doesn’t stay in your stomach forever.”

“I love her on this diet.” Tammy laughed, hailing the waitress. “She’s about ready for her third.

(Based on a real life conversation. After that much tequila, you know who you are.)

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