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Posts Tagged ‘sisters’

Top 10 Things I Said During Christmas

Posted in animals, Christmas, comedian, comic, entertainment, family, Fiction, flash fiction, holiday, humor, life, love, Personal, sarcasm, short story, sister, writer, Writing, tagged , , , , , on December 24, 2016| 31 Comments »


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Some people never grow up and I’m glad I’m one of them. My top 10 list of things I said during Christmas.

10. I don’t know who brought the whoopee cushion, but yes, I did use it.

9. You are not allowed to use my <deodorant, shampoo, eye shadow, moisturizer> without asking because you forgot yours or it smells SO good.

8. My sweater will not be the same after your chest has been in it.

7. Yes, I brought heated sheets and no, they are not for us to share.

6. To my “vegan” sister: We all know you’re a vegan. However, lobster is an animal and it does so count. I don’t care what you read. And I still think serving you the turkey neck was funny and so do our brothers.

5. Leaving my door unlocked was not an invitation for you all to take over my bed and drink my chocolate wine. And I’m the only one who gets to drink out of the bottle.

4. Reading my journal is not an attempt to bring us closer. It was not lying open on the bed. It was hidden in the chest of drawers.

3. I don’t think waving the turkey carcass, butt first in my face brought back nostalgic memories from our childhood.

2. I don’t know who put the ice packs in your beds. To one of my brothers: Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Good one.

1. Sorry the kittens shredded the toilet paper, again. I have a 20 pack hidden in my trunk.

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How My Sister Became a Cannibal

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2016| 52 Comments »


winter princess woman

My Grandmother wanted her ashes spread over a field of blue bonnets. So after she was cremated, we set out to find the perfect place. It became somewhat of a contest.

I have four sisters and two brothers. Cell phones at the ready, we all set out like it was some kind of race to find the perfect place. Pictures flew of green fields with a smattering of blue. None were considered worthy of Grams.

The hunt continued some good contenders were found, but nothing quite right. One of my brothers even submitted a dense patch of blue in the median somewhere along highway 67. Be real Bro. Who wants to visit Grams along a busy stretch of country highway?

Finally, one of my over achieving sisters found a rolling patch of blue leading down to a lake. (I say she’s over achieving mostly because I didn’t find it myself.)

And so we scheduled a lovely morning to say farewell to Grams. I met my sister, the over achiever to car pool. Someone thought it would be a good idea to take handfuls of her and spread her around thinking good thoughts.

Midway through I realized how disgusting this was. That was about the time the wind picked up. Grandma blew back in my face and I choked on her.

On our way home, my sisters wanted to go through a drive through and pick up a burger.

I said, “I have to go in. I have Grandma all over my hands and steering wheel.”

My sister start to laugh.

I took one look at her and said, “You have a smudge of Grandma on your teeth.”

I don’t know how many time I’ve told my sister to keep her mouth shut. She never listens. I think this makes her a cannibal.

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