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Archive for June, 2016

Songs Stuck in My Head

Posted in anxiety, art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, mental health, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged on June 16, 2016| 51 Comments »


lightbulb moth

“It’s a beautiful day…” Argh!

Do you ever get songs stuck in your head?

I have a few songs that I seem to cycle through. When I try to stop one another begins.

My usual “… I need you baby and if it’s quite alright I need you baby until the morning light. I need you baby trust in me when I say …” over and over. And I don’t even know the rest of the words.

An oldie She’ll be Coming Round the Mountain When She Comes, three verses. Are you kidding me? I know three verses of that song. Must be deeply embedded from my childhood. (verses two and three if anyone is curious – she’ll be driving six white horses and we’ll all go out to meet her…)

And drum roll please. This morning’s song – It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood from Sesame Street. No. No, it’s not beautiful day in the neighborhood because that song is stuck in my head!

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Can There Be Too Much Help?

Posted in art, comedian, entertainment, humor, life, love, photography, Uncategorized, writer, Writing on June 15, 2016| 7 Comments »


22 (9)

Excuse me.

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Instant Weight Loss No Dieting

Posted in art, books, chick lit, comedian, comic, entertainment, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, photography, sarcasm, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged on June 14, 2016| 18 Comments »


7 (7)

“I can’t let little Billy chew gum. He keeps swallowing it,” one of my friends, Anna said picking through her cob salad, no bacon, no onions, no eggs, no cheese, no ham, no croutons, dressing on the side.

I know what’s left, right?

“That’s so unhealthy,” Barbara, another of my friends agreed. She was still moving her plain chicken breast and broccoli around her plate.

Tammy was eating a “hamburger” sans the bread, ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickles and cheese.

They were all on a diet of some sort: Anna low fat, Barbara low carb and Tammy paleo.

“You know it takes a month to digest,” Tammy said.

“I know,” Anna agreed.

Barbara nodded.

The waitress set my second margarita in front of me. I was on the liquid diet, my favorite. “Seriously?” I exclaimed, loudly. I did say it was my second margarita, extra tequila. “You believe that?”

They and half the restaurant turned to look at me.

Anna rolled her eyes, “Didn’t we ban her from her tequila diet last summer?”

“You believe that gum sits in your stomach without digesting for a month? Oh my God, you have got to be kidding me.”

“Yeah, I think I’m remembering why.” Barbara whispered to Anna sighing.

“I can tell you for a fact that isn’t true,” I continued. “If chewing gum didn’t digest for a month, swallowing gum would be a cheap form of bariatric surgery. I’d swallow a whole pack every wee. It doesn’t stay in your stomach forever.”

“I love her on this diet.” Tammy laughed, hailing the waitress. “She’s about ready for her third.

(Based on a real life conversation. After that much tequila, you know who you are.)

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A Book of Lies

Posted in art, comedian, entertainment, family, humor, life, nephew, photography, sarcasm, the pistol, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged on June 13, 2016| 20 Comments »


photo_zps39f3d4ee

 My nephew, the Pistol is five and in kindergarten. He brings home a folder everyday in which the teacher puts a smiley or frowny face and my sister is required to sign it.

When my sister asked for the folder, the Pistol said, “That folder is filled with lies, written by a liar.”

Of course it was a frowny face and read, the Pistol pulled his pants down and sat on a table.

When questioned further, the Pistol replied, “No, I pulled my pants down, then up and then sat on the table.”

His teacher told my sister not to worry about it. It’ll be better once he’s moved to the gifted program.

What the teacher really meant – “Don’t worry about it. It’ll be better once he’s out of my class.”

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You Boys Feeling Cozy

Posted in art, humor, life, photography, sarcasm, Uncategorized, tagged on June 10, 2016| 26 Comments »


you want to do a butt slap

I’m sorry, but who wants to use that sink?

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When Horses Fly

Posted in animals, anxiety, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, fantasy, Fantasy/Scifi, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing, tagged on June 9, 2016| 27 Comments »


horse forest

(I know it’s not a flying horse. Use your imagination.)

Instead of falling asleep last night, I was wondering if Pegasus was a flying horse. As in the only flying horse or a species of flying horses. I pondered that for quite a while before thinking, “God should have made some of those”.

If there were flying horses, would anyone have bothered to invent airplanes or would they have just been off flying around on their horses?

Would I have flown to Baltimore on my horse this week? And what kind of apparel would we need for horse flying? My outfit would have been red, linen, matching the trim on my flying horses saddle and the ribbons braided in his hair. Yeah with white pompoms on his wing covers. (It was raining, so yeah I said wing covers.)

Would there be horse flying sports and recreations? Would hotels have flying horse stables?

That’s about the time I realized one of us didn’t take our medication to stop obsessive thoughts. No wonder one of us wasn’t falling asleep.

P.S. I had an anxiety attack on the airplane and was nauseous all day long. I bet I wouldn’t have been anxious riding my flying horse.

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Making a Break for It

Posted in animals, art, comedian, entertainment, humor, life, love, photography, sarcasm, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged on June 8, 2016| 20 Comments »


03 (1)

Freedom!!

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5 Observations About Skinny Girls

Posted in animals, art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, Personal, photography, sarcasm, shopping, short story, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged on June 7, 2016| 56 Comments »


My apologies to anyone who was offended by this post. That was not my intention. I have weighed less than 95 pounds for most of my life. I grew up in extreme poverty. We didn’t have food everyday, so I was malnurished until adulthood. We lived in miserable circumstances without food, heat, hot water, and proper clothing. We survived by finding humor in everything, even the holes in our shoes. Nothing was so sacred that we couldn’t laugh about it. My intention wasn’t to upset and devalue anyone, rather to find humor in all circumstances.

Thank you for letting me know your feelings on this topic and so to keep from upsetting anyone else, I have chosen to remove this post in its entirety. Please forgive my irreverence.

Best Regards,

Dee

puzzle city woman

 

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Doggie Self Esteem

Posted in animals, art, children, comedian, entertainment, family, humor, life, love, Personal, photography, sarcasm, Uncategorized, writer, Writing, tagged on June 6, 2016| 17 Comments »


57 (2)

My dog, Blind Dog, is afraid of the broom, the mop, cell phones, the car, white linoleum, ipods, sticks, bugs, leaves, loud noises, …

She’s brave enough to bark at things from the livingroom window. In an effort to increase her self-esteem, I’m now encouraging her to bark at other dogs from the window.

“Get ‘em Blind Dog, blood makes the grass grow green”.

They say dogs are like their owners, I don’t see it.

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Making It Safer for Teens to Sneak Out?

Posted in art, comedian, comic, humor, life, photography, sarcasm, Uncategorized, tagged on June 3, 2016| 16 Comments »


you said sliding doors

When I was a teenager, if you were going to sneak out a window, you were probably going to get hurt on the way down. That was half the fun.

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