August 11, 2016 9:36 am
Do you ever have thoughts that you wish you didn’t have? Like maybe this one.
In my imagination, I’m hanging out with a couple of friends. We’ve been drinking wine, laughing, and listening to music.
When someone says, “I found this old porn in my Mom’s closet. It’s so bad, it’s hysterical.”
She puts it on. The hair is plastered with hair spray and way too tall. You all laugh.
A guys come on screen and someone says, “Hey he’s not bad looking.”
“Yeah,” you agree, “he actually pretty hot.”
Another friend with a fist full of popcorn says, “That looks like your Dad.”
“No,” you insist shocked and a bit disgusted, “that guy is hot. I’d go out with him. He doesn’t look anything like my Dad.”
One of your other friends chimes in, “He really does look like your Dad around the eyes and that nose.”
Then he does something so quintessentially “your” Dad and you know that IS your Dad. You’re watching a porn starring your Dad.
The screams of horror are echoing through my head as I type.
So you’re pissed because you have to live with that image for the rest of your life and you want to confront your Dad, but you’re not sure how that’s going to work.
You start the conversation with something like, “What the H-E- double toothpicks is wrong with you? A porn?”
“You’ve been watching porn,” your Dad counters.
“You were in it.”
Your Mom interrupts, “Do not yell at your Father.”
“Mom, did you know Dad was in a porn?”
And she replies, “Well yes, dear that’s how we met.”
And that’s why I try not to think.
Posted by Deidra Alexander
Categories: animals, art, books, comedian, comic, entertainment, family, fantasy, Fiction, flash fiction, humor, life, literature, mental health, Personal, photography, sarcasm, short story, writer, Writing
Tags: family
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I just love your stories. Yotaki Beautywalk
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By beautywalk on August 31, 2015 at 9:40 pm
Hi Yotaki,
Thank you. You’re my awesome encouragement.
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By Deidra Alexander on October 9, 2015 at 9:10 am
I’ve thought of a lot of things, but… LOL. Great story, though. 🙂
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By Mary J. McCoy-Dressel on August 31, 2015 at 9:49 pm
Hi Mary,
I know right. Where does this stuff come from?
Thanks.
Dee
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By Deidra Alexander on October 9, 2015 at 9:11 am
What discrimination!!! It is ok for the mom to be in the porn flick, but not for the dad… hmmph!!!
😀 Outré, but nice 🙂
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By Tejaswi on August 31, 2015 at 9:57 pm
I prefer not to see either. My Mom was an artist and painted herself in the nude, another thing I would prefer not to have seen.
Thanks for stopping by.
Dee
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By Deidra Alexander on October 9, 2015 at 9:12 am
Was not stopping by, you were on my “follow” list. But thank you for your kind reply. Will not “stop by” again since it seems to have offended you. Thank you.
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By Tejaswi on October 10, 2015 at 12:02 am
No, you haven’t offended me in anyway. I apologize if I’ve given you that impression. Would love to have you as a regular guest.
Thanks.
Dee
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By Deidra Alexander on October 11, 2015 at 10:37 pm
As a regular pest you mean 🙂 Thank you..
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By Tejaswi on October 12, 2015 at 12:54 am
Nahh, I haven’t had any pests yet.
Thanks.
Dee
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By Deidra Alexander on October 12, 2015 at 9:37 pm
LOL, that would be so horrible!!!
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By Eliza on August 31, 2015 at 10:34 pm
Hi Eliza,
Would it ever. But you know someone’s parents did it.
Thanks.
Dee
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By Deidra Alexander on October 9, 2015 at 9:13 am
Was Ron Jeremy the Best Man?
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By tom on August 31, 2015 at 11:44 pm
Hi Tom,
Not sure who he is and afraid to google him. But I’ll go with, sure.
Thanks for the comment.
Dee
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By Deidra Alexander on October 9, 2015 at 9:14 am
No way. LOL!
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By Lissa Rabon on September 1, 2015 at 10:05 am
Keep humming it will go away…maybe.
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By John W. Howell on September 1, 2015 at 3:11 pm
You liked my post, so I popped on over to read one of yours. Your dad in a porn? No, that’s just so wrong. Good money though. Sorry. Half of my best chess set got damaged on the barbecue and I’ve been looking for pawn on the internet ever since.
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By Gilbo on September 4, 2015 at 9:30 pm
Great bit of a Saturday morning read… wonder why I’m getting a tad het-up?? 😈
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By aj vosse on September 5, 2015 at 3:39 am
I love the ending of this post. I actually laughed. Totally perfect end note.
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By caprimontgomery on September 6, 2015 at 2:47 am
I read this at the start of my work day. Thanks for the laugh. Great way to start the day. 🙂
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By Rob Corona on May 26, 2016 at 9:04 am
Brilliant, despite the cringe worthy images I have to carry around in my head now.
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By Phil on August 11, 2016 at 10:28 am
OMG! This is beautiful and hilarious. And I’m right there with you. Some of the things my mind comes up with is absolutely terrifying! lol As a like minded person, I felt you deserved a nomination for the Sunshine Blogger Award…so I am!! 🙂
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By Sylianna on August 11, 2016 at 10:36 am
😁 no worry of my parents, they’re way to ugly 😄
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By zoe2600 on August 11, 2016 at 10:39 am
I am just relieved that some of my giant fails at parties from long ago did not become ensconced on the internet. They inevitably involved me doing something awful to a commode (for some reason using that word, rather than toilet makes it seem less awful)…
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By makingsenseofcomplications on August 11, 2016 at 10:52 am
My apologies – I didn’t mean to offend….
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By makingsenseofcomplications on August 11, 2016 at 10:58 am
No offense. The first time someone comments, I have it set so that I have to approve the first comment, so I can catch spammers, Thanks. Dee
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By Deidra Alexander on August 12, 2016 at 3:30 am
I took one little porn mag from the middle of a really tall stack and he knew the next day. Porn people just know things…
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By mike on August 11, 2016 at 11:18 am
[…] If Your Dad Was In a Porn […]
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By (late) Nombril de semaine… – Cyranny's cove on August 11, 2016 at 4:37 pm
I found this hysterical and quite amusing! Xp
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By sinisterdarksoul on August 11, 2016 at 6:21 pm
I think my eyes would never stop bleeding. 😦
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By ambroseandelsie on August 11, 2016 at 8:29 pm
I would die. I wouldn’t even ask my dad.
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By Olaf Lesniak on August 11, 2016 at 10:43 pm
It could have ended with a “where do you think you were made?” and them bringing up a scrapbook with the cover of the tape, with a witty name like “Truckers like big trunks” or something of the sort
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By viclab on August 12, 2016 at 4:25 am
It’s 4.35 am and I’m rolling out of bed laughing. Thanking you! 😄
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By Mark on August 12, 2016 at 1:35 pm
That’s the oldest story in the book…
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By finnegandaley on August 13, 2016 at 12:04 am
This is hilarious! I loved it! Damn, this is awesome.
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By RituMahimkar on August 18, 2016 at 1:31 am
I would die! lol hilarious though…. LMAO
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By secretsinbooks on August 18, 2016 at 12:44 pm
That’s the way to start the day with a chuckle. Nicely done.
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By ADayDreamWriter on August 19, 2016 at 7:04 am
Thanks for following my blog. I’m finding your stuff very interesting, and amusing–the perfect escape for a Friday afternoon when I should be writing, not reading!
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By Christine Peets on August 26, 2016 at 4:44 pm
AH! I can’t even think about this!:D
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By Kate Rauner on September 1, 2016 at 11:03 am
Get your parents to talking and you find out they weren’t always so parenty!
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By Laurie Welch on September 1, 2016 at 6:40 pm
Fun stories!
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By cmwriter on September 2, 2016 at 8:25 am