Another true tale of sisterhood. Pull up a chair and put down all food and beverages. The producers of this blog are not liable for any food related injuries or deaths resulting from reading this blog.
It was some time ago, I was living in a two story house. My sisters’ wee little children were upstairs. I had just put on the twenty-four hour cartoon channel.
My sister canceled cable when she had children so cartoons were a big deal in their young lives. The cable company called asking my sister why she had canceled. I’m sure they were expecting some reply like, ‘It’s too expensive’ or maybe ‘I don’t really watch it that much’.
Did my sister say one of these canned replies? Nay, nay, she said, “I canceled cable to get the devil out of my life.”
She was serious, but that answer was actually genius. I use that one and the voices in my head told me to when any telemarketers call.
So, it was a dark winter evening, I had settled the children in front of the TV when my sister came running upstairs.
She pulled me in the restroom and asked, “Are all the kids up here?”
And of course they were.
“Then there’s someone in the kitchen,” she said.
My house had been broken into a few weeks before, so it was not beyond the realm of possibility that someone could have come back. We gathered the children and put them in one bedroom. Then my sister and I went to investigate.
You might wonder, “Why not call the police?”
The only phones were in the kitchen and the master bedroom, both downstairs. We crept down, careful to make no noise. My sister was in front of me. Imagine a tall woman with flowing auburn hair in flannel pajamas and a little short one in back wearing something less than appropriate. That was me.
I was holding tightly to the back of my sister’s pajamas. The kitchen was on the left, my bedroom the right. We got to the bottom of the stairs. The light was on. The refrigerator door was wide open.
I shoved my sister into the kitchen. Her arms were flailing and she was tripping over her feet. I ran for the bedroom, and grabbed a gun and the phone. This was years ago and my sister is still whining about the time I sacrificed her to the burglar. I figured she would distract him and I would be back in time to save her.
And by the way, she left the light on and didn’t shut the refrigerator door. There was no burglar. She always makes me walk in front now.
Deidra Alexander's Blog 
Sisters! I have three older ones – the stories we can tell when we get together! Great post.
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Try a getting them and Mr. Jose Cuervo. (What’s sad is that I could spell Cuervo correctly but had to look up progeny.)
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I love how you sacrificed her. Hahaha! I don’t blame her for making you walk in front of her….Fun story!
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At some point she has to get over it, right? Maybe not.
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OMG thank you so much for the warning/caution in the begining I was almost going to have a huge food related injury…you are my hero
So is your sis please tell her I am going to use this “to get the devil out” in a lot of cancellation from now on…:-)
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Hero? Wow that’s great. I’m waiting for my super powers.
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love it.. that’s pretty funny. 🙂
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Thank you. Happy laughy Tuesday.
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Oh my god you crack me up – and my sister has issues with me:)
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What? I’m the nice sister.
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I am surprised she is still claiming you as a sister 😉 it was funny
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She has to, I’m the good one. Her other choices are much worse. There’s four girls.
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Burglar bait…love it! 😀
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Someone has to survive to tell the story and I was protecting her progeny.
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I’m definitely using the devil excuse next time my old college calls asking for donations–the (true) “I’m unemployed and have no money” didn’t work last time.
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Or the voices in my head. Another good one, is I’m making a book of human flesh would you like to donate?
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I will have to type this with one hand because I fell of my chair laughing and my other hand is hurt. 😉 You are one hell of a story teller. Loved it.
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Thank you. However, I am sorry about the injury.
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“I was holding tightly to the back of my sister’s pajamas.”
This was the most telling detail of the whole piece! It made me remember what it’s REALLY like to get into trouble with a sibling. I could feel my own sister’s shirt clutched in my hand.
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I still remember the color and pattern of those pajamas to this day. Funny what you remember.
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I love a doze of devil every once in a while 😉 nice story!
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Thanks me too.
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Seriously, I am hurting now from laughing. Yes, I know I was warned at the beginning but hey, I am blond after all. Great, I needed the laugh. And here I thought I was the only cruel sibling in the world. Thanks for the laugh. 😉
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Nope, I think we could start a club.
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Entertaining.
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Thanks.
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Love those voices, I will have to use that next time! What a great idea. I don’t blame your sister for making you walk in front of her. ROFLMA I love this story. It is great!
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Thanks. Don’t you think she could get over though?
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OMG!! Hilarious!! You are so bad!! ;D
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I prefer survivor.
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You sister is a genius! Lovely story, thanks.
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I call her Einstein all the time.
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Hehe!!
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When I saw the warning about food related injuries, I went downstairs and grabbed a cup of coffee. Nothing goes better with family related stories than coffee! I do love the devil excuse (that doesn’t sound right)! The story reminds me of 2 Christmas’ ago. The girls & I heard a noise. I wandered around the house with a gun only to discover an ornament had fallen off the tree. What a sight it must have been!
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Better save than sorry. Had actual burglars when I was at home. I felt stupid calling 911, but glad I did. Yikes.
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I’m the older sister, and was the victim of many such sacrifices. And it’s still funny. LOL!
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I’m older and smarter, but that might not be a great claim to fame.
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I agree with LittlleMissVix…hehe indeed!!
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Thank you!
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More please;)
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I’ll get right on it.
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LOL that’s hilarious, though I can see how your sister might not think so:D
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It was years ago, she should get over it, right?
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you paint fantastic pictures with your words. 🙂
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Thank you. That’s such a compliment.
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What are sisters for? If not to use as shields to protect oneself then come to the rescue later. LOL
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Exactly, someone who gets it.
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That was hilarious!
I read till “I shoved my sister into the kitchen…”, and ended up dropping a pile of coins I was counting!
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I guess I’ll have to add a warning not to count coins while reading my blog. Thanks.
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Ha, fun story! I’m going to use that line for telemarketers now. 🙂
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Sounds like there may be an increase in the use of that phrase on telemarketers.
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I loved this story. And I love the line. Also, if I find myself in this situation, now I know how to handle it. Push the other person into the line of fire.
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Someone has to be the distraction while you go for help.
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Hilarious! I can just picture you giving her a good hard shove and bookin’ it to the bedroom. I did something similar once with my cat. Well, actually someone was busy kickin’ in my front door and the cat ducked under the bed to leave me to deal with the intruder.
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I expect my dog would be with your cat.
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The joy of having siblings! I sometimes wish I was not the only child of the family. Great story.
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They have their drawbacks too. You could have been the one shoved into the kitchen.
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LOL! This reminds me of the time my 27 year old sister was baby sitting me, I was 9. We heard something in the basement and she sent ME down to investigate! There was nothing there,but I never let her forget that.
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Way to go 27 year old. Sacrifice the young, they’re wiry and nimble better chance of escape.
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Well, you could have said to her “the devil made me do it” in a Flip Wilson voice.
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Good one.
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If you hadn’t warned me, i’d been dead 🙂
I’m sure going to use that line for telemarketers myself
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I would really like to see a telemarketer getting that response several times in a row.
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Great story and a great laugh. ANd thanks for the warning on food and beverage…
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Thank you and your welcome. I’ve gotten several comments about choking on beverages.
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I think that you should go for it………writing and selling. I like your writing. I love to read and love the supernatural, the goddess and spirit. You will never know what will happen. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
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Thanks for the encouragement. I plan to visit your blog again.
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Hello, Thank you for the ‘like’. Sounds like you led an exciting night. Also sounds, in a psych way..your sister should get her cable back. Imagination can be wonderful..well written post..Peace Tony
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Thanks, it’s never dull when sisters get together.
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This is a great story. I am definitely going to use these lines the next time a telemarketer calls. My older brother always put me in front as the sacrificial lamb so I can relate to your sister. You are a great storyteller.
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Thanks. Someone’s got to go first.
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Don’t you just love being a little sister! I sure do! Thanks for a great story! I need to tell some of mine! Think I will!
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Excellent idea. Let me know when you have some sister stories up.
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That’s what sisters are for. By the way, anyone who leaves the fridge door open deserves whatever fate they receive. Great writing! Thanks for reading mine; I’m going to keep reading yours!
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Exactly. I think I need to run over to her house and crack the frig.
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Great! Funny!
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Thank you
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Bwahahaha.
Do be careful to make SHE is not packing the gun…if you are in front. 😀
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My sister’s too scared to pick up a gun, but thanks for the warning.
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Oops, correction please…that sentence should read, “Do be careful to make SURE, ect.”
Thanks for stopping by my blog and liking my post. I appreciate it. I also love your posts.
Shez
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Thank you, I enjoyed your blog too. Hope to make it back around soon.
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You had a gun…wow!
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It was a rifle, I live in Texas.
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I live in Texas, too – I didn’t even question this part of the story. And I have to say, it was a GREAT story!
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Thank you.
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I just love your sister stories! They make my day! But, it’s the way you TELL them….so kudos to you for your wonderful writing style. And bring on the stories! 😉
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Thank you. You know I have another one brewing.
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As people say, “You don’t have to run faster than the bear, you just need to run faster than your sister!” Your story was funny! (Perhaps not to your sister…)
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Or in my case shove your sister in front of the bear.
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HAHAHAHA. And yes, by all caps, I meant, laughing out loud cause this is pretty hilarious! I’m the eldest in the family and I think my own sister would do the same thing that you did except that I’ll be the short one wearing something inappropriate. lol
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Yeah for the short ones wearing the inappropriate.
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Buaaahahahahaaa!!!!! 😀
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Exactly.
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Fantastic. Nicely done! I eliminated all food related temptations before reading, luckily.
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Good for you. So many do not take the warnings seriously.
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Funny story. Thanks for visiting my blog. Truly talented writer. You don’t have anything published yet?
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Unfortunately I haven’t convinced a publisher of that talent, but I’m still working on it.
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Well, keep at it. May have to look in to self publishing. You have the following. Grass roots 🙂
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Thanks I’m going to experiment with that in 2012.
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Too funny! I guess this might count as one of those “truth is stranger than fiction” tales.
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And I don’t even think that’s a very strange one.
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nice one! I would of done the same with my fellow siblings
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Survival of the smartest.
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That’s a great story!
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Thanks!
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you’re evil 😀 great, i’m laughing
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Flattery will get you every where.
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I like ur family adventures…I’v got a younger sister and she doesn’t fail to amuse me too
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That’s what younger sister are for the amusement of the older siblings.
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I nominated you for a Liebster Blog Award. I have really enjoyed your writing so far.
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Thanks for the nomination, but I have too many followers or whatever to qualify for the Liebster. Thanks anyway.
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I have a sister too and we’ve shared many a great time together! Thanks for the “like”!
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You’re welcome and have a laugh with your sister on me.
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I’m still giggling over “to get the devil out of my life”! What a hoot. Ah the stories that sisters can tell on each other 🙂
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Isn’t that the truth. If I told everything I know about my sisters, it would rock the prayer groups in the churches.
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This was such an amazing story. Thanks for sharing it. It just speaks of sisterly bond.. that’s why I love my sister and she walks in front lol
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You must be the smart one.
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Haha, lol. Amazing, Deidra! 🙂
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Thank you. Glad you were entertained.
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very clever.
i was bracing myself to find someone in the kitchen
and lol
there was none 🙂
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Nah, the real burglars only got as far as the garage, but that was another day.
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Hi there! I’m passing through to let you know that i’ve selected you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can find out about why I selected you and what you need to do in my link below.
http://nocturnefirefay.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/1973/
Congratulations!
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Thank you very much for the nomination. I won’t have time to respond until after the holidays. But I appreciate it.
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That’s okay- to be honest I’m not looking for responses from anyone – The only reason why it mentions all of the rules is because I followed the rules I was given – but in my eyes, i’ve handed it to you because i felt you deserved it and that’s the end of it. wether you want to do all the lists etc is up to you sweets no pressure. 🙂 So anyway, have a good weekend and christmas holiday; and take care of you and yours.
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nyahaha. this is veryyy funny. your sister seems to have a bigger problem with her forgetfulness than me.
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Forgetfulness and clumsiness, her trademarks.
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Haha! This is awesome, hilarious and amazing all in one. I’m addicted to your stories, and this takes the cake of awesomeness!
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Thank you. I love cake and awesomeness and awesome cake.
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HI there
I wanted to give you the Versatile Blogger Award 🙂
http://isabellart.wordpress.com/2011/12/14/versatile-bloger-award/
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Thank you for your nomination. Unfortunately, I won’t have time to respond until after the holidays.
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Great story. This reminds me of when my son-in-law was little and he and his mom saw a ufo right over head and his mom ran into the house and left him outside to fend them off.
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Mom after my own heart.
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Hello there! I just wanted to let you know, officially, that you are being awarded the Liebster Blog Award. 🙂
Here are the rules for the Liebster Blog Award:
1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
2. Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment
on their blog.
3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
4. Hope that the people you’ve sent the award to forward it to their five
favorite bloggers and keep it going!
Congrats!
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Thank you for the nomination. I have too many followers to qualify for the Liebster, but I’ll think about what I should do more after the holidays. I apologize for noting getting back to you sooner. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.
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AhAHAahahaaa…great story. I love the way you write.
Now I must return to the devil in the form of Invader Zim.
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Thanks for taking time out invader Zim. I appreciate your time.
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Now I just feel ashamed, after reading the previous 90 comments, for wanting to ask: what exactly was “less than appropriate”? /blush
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You are the first to ask. I t-shirt that had seen better days and barely covered all the indecent bits.
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She left the refrigerator door open? I might have shot her for that 😉
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Come to think about it, I should have.
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“She was serious, but that answer was actually genius. I use that one and the voices in my head told me to when any telemarketers call.”
I love it! This whole posting was genius. I’m going to have fun reading your stuff!
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Sometimes reality is stranger than fiction or in my case at least as strange.
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u r so cool
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It’s difficult to think of myself as cool, but I’m glad you think so.
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You have been nominated for the Versatile Blog Award. Please visit: http://rombizco.wordpress.com/2011/12/17/versatile-blogger-award/
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Thanks, I’m not going to have time until after the holidays to respond. But I appreciate the nomination.
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it was good that there no burglar really, so this’s kind of a funny story for family members to talk to….:}
i’m not lucky to hav one lk dis, i’m the only child.
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Oh!, btw, thx 4 follow my blog. ;]
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You.re very welcome.
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Yes, I was lucky. I really didn’t want to have to use the gun.
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That’s one of the most hilarious images ever – you shoving sis as sacrificial lamb!
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Not only funny, but practical too.
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Haha, very clever! The joys of sisterhood…….
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You always have a special relationship with the people you grow up with.
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Yes, they are the ones who you can truly be yourself around.
Thanks for the follow!
AZ
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You’re welcome.
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Sisters are the same everywhere. Thanks for a good story.
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Sisters are great. Thanks.
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A humorous little anecdote. Thanks for sharing and liking my Hero at 30,000 feet post.
Have a happy weekend!
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Thanks and you’re welcome
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Years ago, a very good friend and I were going through a haunted house. She was slightly in front of me, and we were travelling much like you and your sister – I clutched my friend’s shirt and cowered behind her, terrified at every turn. Suddenly, we came to a spot in the path where a large man in a werewolf costume towered over us. Without thinking, I thrust my friend at him and ran. The ‘werewolf’ lost character and started laughing hysterically at me through his mask, then he and a few of his monster friends followed me for the rest of the way through the haunted house as punishment for serving my friend up on a silver platter. I totally deserved the extra taunting. Not sure I can say I wouldn’t do it again, though…
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Woman after my own heart.
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Damn girl, you have a hell of a following. I wanted to thank you for liking my “Naturalist Nicole” blog. You might like my wildly irreverent blog Scriberestrix.wordpress.com.
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I’ll have to check it out. Thanks.
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Image of you walking into the kitchen with the gun yelling, “how many times have I told you to close the door to the fridge!”
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That would have been a good one.
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Great Blog
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Thanks
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When I saw the titles of your posts, I had to check out this blog. Great stuff! I really like your writing and style. Thanks for clicking on mine, so I discovered you!
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Thanks, I try to come up with enticing titles. Glad to see it’s working.
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Grabbed A gun and THE phone?! Just how many do you keep in the bedroom?!
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One phone and well I haven’t counted lately. 🙂
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Great story… Have you published anything? I like your style…;)
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I have a novel with an editor and I’m planning on releasing some short stories next week. Yeah for 2012!
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Deidra, I am glad you clicked on my blog because this brought me to your site. I loved your attention to the details, you brought me right into your story as if I was holding onto your sister’s jammies. The way you tell a story with humor is brilliant!
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Thank you so glad you enjoyed.
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Deidraalexander .I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! Come to my blog and see what you need to do for it.
Congratulations!
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Thanks for the nomination. I won’t be able to respond until after the holidays. Sorry I’m just swamped.
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Omg that is sooo hilarious!! btw thanks for liking my post I would have never found this hilarious post if you hadnt.
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You’re very welcome and thank you.
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Had me on the edge of my seat.
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Thank you a good place to be.
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Interesting writings. Thank you for sharing and making effort to be known, not everyone has such desire and courage. As in a distorting mirror I find the misfits, outcasts and crafty simpletons of life, the people we generally turn our backs on but ignore at our peril.
Here is something want to share with you.
The full summer solstice moon shone down on them through the clouds. He looked like a pirate standing on the deck of some treacherous skull and cross boned, vessel cursed to roam the seven seas till eternity. She was the distilled essence of a young archetype Sahara Mkadma priestess.
She kept stopping to talk to her friends, the beggars, who would line up on the avenue. Many of whom she knew by their first name and they all seem to love her for obvious opportunistic reasons. She gave them what she could. She stopped to pose. She looked quite composed. Then she gravitated to the arched doorway in front of the house made of mud.
She had to grow fast but she was slow. A lot of weeding of the garden of her mind had to perpetually be taken care of to understand the nature of truth.
Her voice was impeccable with the kind of articulation that can only come alive when one is speaking from a place of pure pain and profound suffering yet somehow still able to rise above it through the use of inspired poetic language. She was a believer with a mystical lineage. Then as she grew more excited her voice became more focused, but somehow less personal.
“What’s it like in the world below us?”
“You find rascals, lunkheads and evil-doers in the world below, but they’re mainly the losers and creeps who’ll end up demoted one hell down if they don’t watch out. Disney films like ‘Bambi’ and ‘Pocahantas’ capture some of this quality.”
“How frightful! What’s their Lesson?”
“It’s a world where disembodied spirits float like blobs of protoplasm and try to merge.”
“Their Lesson is ‘To Be at One’ and that’s what they’re trying to do. That’s all they’re interested in.”
Moved on to the reptile house.
……………….
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I enjoyed reading your work. Thanks for sharing.
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loved it!
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lol! That’s what sisters are for… sacrificing. At least I think that’s why people have more than one child. 😉
I love the devil excuse, for the cable company (who keep insisting I’m weird because I have cable internet but not cable television) and for those telemarketers who won’t give up.
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Thanks, she’s a nut that’s for sure.
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Oooooh! Selling the sister? You know you would have to take care of her kids, right?
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That was the whole point of sacrificing her to save the little ones.
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Deidra, thank you for visiting my blog (http://edistrop.wordpress.com) and for introducing me to yours. Fun story. I’ll be back often!
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Thanks I’ll be back around to yours too.
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I live in England, so I don’t suppose you’ll be surprised when I say “The gun?”
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Yeap, the gun.
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Hi Deidra! I too nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You are a brilliant writer!
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Thank you for the nomination. I won’t have time to respond until after the holidays. Sorry I’m just swamped right now.
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Right off the bat, I love your byline! Thanks for stopping by my blog and “liking” my post. I appreciate it! Margie
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Thanks I’ve always wanted to be the angel of death.
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I’m choosing to believe this is told tongue-in-cheek. 😉
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Perhaps, it makes the seven dwarfs easier to handle.
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let the tall, auburn-haired one go first, I always say.
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Specially since I’m the short brunette. You think I could have at least gotten tall.
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OMG! This is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!
I once thought there was a burglar in the living room my house. Not owning a gun, I grabbed a baseball bat out of my son’s bedroom. Almost peeing my pants, I slowly tiptoed down the stairs and across the front hall, cringing every time I stepped on a squeaky floorboard. Upon stealthily entering the living room, I tripped on the raised threshold, fell flat on my face in the middle of the floor, and scared the crap out of the squirrel who then dashed back up the chimney, never to be seen again!
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LOL. The first time there was a burglar and I grabbed a wire hanger, not very useful in an emergency.
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Screaming funny, woman. You are good 🙂
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Made a woman scream. Will add that to my resume.
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” . . . my sister is still whining about the time I sacrificed her to the burglar. I figured she would distract him and I would be back in time to save her.”
. . . Riiiiight! LOL . . . Excellent story.
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No really, I was going to save her. That doesn’t sound sincere?
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😉
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🙂
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lol
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Love the story. My sister was the one who made me do what ever she didn’t want to and bossed me around like she was my other parent. So I didn’t feel bad when I offered her the first it of my newly opened can of hash. I didn’t tell her til she had taken a bite and commented on how good it was that I actually got it on the discount bin with no label and wasn’t sure if it was hash or dog food.
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That is too rich!
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That does sound like something my aunts would do to each other. One is a crazy driver and both of my aunts were off to Europe. The crazy driver suggested she could drive. The other one was quick to fire back, “No way in hell, I have only ridden in your car twice and both times, you crashed the car and ran away. I had to fend for myself with the cops.”
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Your Aunts sound awesome.
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ha ha very funny!!! 🙂
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Thank you. I will direct my sister to these comments next time she starts whining.
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[…] 3. Deidra Alexander […]
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Thanks for the link. I appreciate it.
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I love the sacrafice. Two yrs ago we heard the television turn on in our loft (everybody was downstairs) and the kids had convinced themselves the house was haunted by electricity and water wasting ghosts. I don;t get it; I go along and instigate. So we yell at my, then 15 yr old son, who was “the man” of the house, and tell him to investigate. He grabs our trusty baseball bat and gets halfway up the stairs then runs down and grabs our cat (the mean one) who was snooping around. He gets to the loft and throws the cat, starts swinging the bat frantically then runs down. We asked why he took the cat, he said that nasty old cat was a better defense than the cat (and they can sense ghosts). It is now a standing joke that whenever fighting a burgalar or ghost, you must have a cat and a bat. Oh, and it was the dog who hit the remote and turned on the tele
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That’s a brilliant dog!
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Glad I found this on google .
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You’re welcome though I’m certain I don’t know why anyone would be googling selling their sister
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