Deidra Alexander's Blog

First, I’ve released my blog for Kindle in which I will include extra humiliate of myself and family in an effort to get my furnace fixed.

First and foremost, the goals is to make those pesky onesies wish they were twosies. Here are some tried and true methods to aid in that quest.

If your singles are resistant to the process, remind them of how happy it would make their dearly departed parent, grandparent, Aunt and/or pet.

You’ll need to take special care with your females. Remember they aren’t getting any younger. Force them to cook a dish which you can push onto eligible males. Note: Have an exact duplicate ready to switch in the event hers turns out tasting like paste and well you know it will.

Counsel females on allowing their male counterparts to win all games, not singing carols with her Porky Pig voice, and using restrain when throwing snowballs, not that it will help.

You must unload your unattached relatives on every eligible member of the opposite sex, including second cousins as they are still legal in some states. Don’t forget to push your male relatives’ careers or sensitivity, which ever is more applicable. And finally if your female relative is owning property, be sure to point that out to all candidates and their Mommas. Nothing helps like a good, old-fashioned dowry.

(Picture to be added later.)

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Before getting into my post, I want to ask your advice. A friend recently suggested that I might be able to make something more of this. I want to know how you guys feel about my writing longer pieces and selling them in e-reader formats. I don’t want to offend anyone and I’m not sure there’s even any interest. If you could give me your thoughts, I would appreciate it.

On to the post –

Over the holidays I was sitting at a table with my great-aunts. They’re in their 80s and 90s, sometimes we seem to come from different worlds. We went around the table telling the lastest and greatest in our lives.

Of course I wasn’t paying attention to who got married, pregnant, or had a baby. I was busy whispering to my cousin about a guy I dated a couple of years back who was blind. I had just finished saying, he could read me like a book of brail. When she snort laughed, bringing all eyes our way.

One of our Aunties said in her soft southern drawl, “What are you girls laughing about?”

I never know when to keep my mouth shut, so I blurted out, “All my men.”

My Aunt responded, “Honey, you know you can lie to your Aunt Rose?”

As the conversation continued, it came around to me. No marriages, no births, and no pregnancies.

So I said, “I bought a house.”

Stunned they all looked at me for a moment.

Aunt Rose finally said, “A single woman ownin’ property, well I never.”

Aunt Peggy gasped. “There’s nothing wrong with it I suppose.”

“I could’ve owned property before I was married.” Aunt Bessy to the rescue. “I had a job answering phones for Dr. Turner. David told me I should buy a couple acres in Duncanville. But what would I have done with it? There was nothing but trees on it.”

“My, my. I’ve never thought of such a thing. What’re you going to do with it?” Aunt Peggy asked, fanning herself like she was overcome with the idea.

“I think I’m living in it,” was my answer.

Later they were talking about cooking lobsters and of course I said, “I like my food to scream, like my men.”

They’re the ones from another world, right? Not me.

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