I was trying to think of the perfect post for Thanksgiving and me being me, I decided to be thankful for the nut I call my sister.
My Grandmother wanted to be cremated and have her ashes spread over a field of blue bonnets. So after she was cremated, someone thought it was be a good idea to take handfuls of her and spread her around thinking good thoughts. Midway through I realized how disgusting this was. That was about the time the wind picked up. Grandma blew back in my face and I choked on her.
On our way home, one of my sisters wanted to go through a drive through and pick up a burger.
I said, “I have to go in. I have Grandma all over my hands and steering wheel.”
My sister start to laugh.
I asked, “Hey, you know you have a smudge of Grandma on your teeth.”
As the sun was setting, I was waxing nastalgic. I don’t know how many time I’ve told my sister to keep her mouth shut. She never listens. I wonder if that makes her a cannibal.
Too funny! Can’t stop laughing. Thank you, Deidra for a good laugh this Thanksgiving Day! Ha!!
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You’re very welcome. After I got over the yuck factor. I thought is was funny too.
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THAT. WAS. AWESOME.
I literally laughed out loud, choked on my coffee, and almost spewed it all over my computer screen. You see, I’ve been there, done that.
I worked for a cemetery when I was in college, and the cemetery had a crematorium. Part of my job was that I had to often “ferry” cremains (that’s what the results of a cremation are called) from the crematorium to the funeral home, where the funeral was normally conducted. I would usually put the box, which was about the size of a small toaster, in the front seat of my car and buckle it in with the seat belt. I didn’t want to have Mr. Smith or Mrs. Jones go flying into my floorboard if I had to make a sudden stop, now did I? It seemed a bit disrespectful.
One day, I did my normal routine, buckled the box in…but not quite well enough, apparently. I guess the thing didn’t latch. I was in a hurry, I remember. Unfortunately. Also, said box hadn’t been sealed well–the cremains are normally in a plastic bag inside the box. This particular bag hadn’t been fastened shut, and the box itself had been badly taped. Recipe for disaster.
A car suddenly braked in front of me, and I had to do the same to keep from rear-ending them. The badly-sealed box slammed into the poorly-fasted seat belt…and Mr. Whoever went flying into the dashboard.
It looked like an ashtray bomb had gone off inside my car. Ashes were everywhere, blanketing the inside of the car. In my hair. In my eyes. And, of course, in my mouth. I hacked like a Persian cat with a hairball for about three days, grossed out. However, I didn’t think of myself as a cannibal until now…thanks so much for that.
Happy Turkey Day, and thanks for the laugh!
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Your reply made me laugh out loud. Thanks.
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Glad you enjoyed it! It wasn’t particularly funny at the time, but it always gets a laugh now…long after the ashes have settled. 😉
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This was way too funny. I am going to be cremated too but I want to be split among my children by being painted in a picture for each of them. My son has an artist friend and she has agreed to do this for me. I asked her to take my ashes and mix in with every color of the rainbow. If any ashes are left they can fight over it. Yeah like that is really going to happen. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Yeah, that’s a nice thought. Any thoughts on the theme of the paintings or do they get to choose?
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True events are amazing. Love the story. Yotaki Beautywalk
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Thanks I should write about the time my sister’s lost Mom 🙂
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well rumors say keith richards snorted his dad’s ashes, though he denied it 😉 that would not make you a cannibal, but hopefully not addicted as well.
funny story there, D. it gave me smiles. now i can go and depress me with some TV 🙂 ciao!
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Your nasal passages are supposed to be the fastest way to get something to your brain. Geeze Louise that’s the last voice I want in my head.
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haha 🙂
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Sounds to me like things ended up just the way grandma wanted them to. She’s in your thoughts all the more because of it. Happy Thanksgiving!
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I’m not so sure about the humor part, but she’s definitely unforgettable.
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Oh my goodness, this is story is too funny. Well, at least you’ll always have a funny way to remember your Grandma, Happy Thanksgiving!
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I think people would prefer to be remembered with a smile rather than a tear. Oh should write one of those inspirational books, that would good.
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I AM GOING TO E-MAIL THIS BLOG TO MY FAMILY MEMBER’S, I
CANNOT STOP SMILING EVERY TIME I THINK OF THIS STORY. YOU CAN
JUST PICTURE IT , SO FUNNY.
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Thanks, my family doesn’t find it as humorous.
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Remind me of a ceremony some cultures have to share and maintain the spirits of the tribe/family -. Also an episode of the Adams family.
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Sounds like the Adams family
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Love it:)
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Thank you.
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you have a wicked sense of humour – you have had me laughing out loud at several of your posts! As the jumpy member of my friends and family, I related to the loud outburst/scream during a movie!!! Keep on writing!!! Thanks for sharing 🙂
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Since that initial scream, I’ve become a screamer (at movies). I guess it released my inhibitions.
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love it!
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Thanks!!
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This story is just wonderful lol. I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving
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Thanks and Thanksgiving was post worthy so yes I enjoyed it.
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I loved this! I was laughing so hard at the dinner table when I read this last night! I hope you had a great Thanksgiving!
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Thanks, this Thanksgiving gets it’s own post. Whenever there’s a story, I feel the event was a success.
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Oh, this piece was seriously too funny. You have a truly gifted and demented mind.
D. M. Kenyon
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I don’t know about gifted, but I really like being thought of as demented. Me and the voices in my head thank you.
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Oh dear! This was funny and sad at the same time… I had a good chuckle about a smidgen of Grandma on your sister’s teeth… You are funny! 😆
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The sadness fades with time and leaves only the good thoughts behind if you let it. Jiminy, I really need to write my bizarre version of a self-help book or at least a calendar. Any artists out there?
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Really do enjoy reading your posts. Fabulously written. Do write more often, and longer pieces!
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Thanks, I think my next fear facing challenge is to try posting twice a week. Though I’m not sure I’ll be able to change the header picture that often. I’m afraid I’ll run out of things to blog about.
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What a witty post…I’m still smiling after reading it!! 🙂
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I love being able to make people smile. Cheers!
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Oh I don’t think a mind like yours has anything to worry about running out of, if you need prompts, just visit Ermiliablog (link on my page) or First Fifty Words tab on my page will take you to a great site that prompts. But the way you think, I don’t see a problem. Originality, humour and variety… nice writing & LMBO 🙂
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I suppose we all have a little phobias. Thanks for the writing prompt page.
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I so love what you wrote just under your name, which ends with “….I’m a fiction writer.” That is SO good! Thanks much for stopping my place today–God bless you richly!
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I’m always looking for ways to beef up my job title. Thanks for the visit and the blessing.
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we planted granny out under her favorite apple tree on the farm. the next season, we were hesitant to eat the apples, so we just made apple butter and put it up in jars. by the time we spread it on toast, most of us had forgot that granny was in it.
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You should have Granny on toast for breakfast Christmas morning. I know I would. Thanks for visiting.
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Too great. You know, some cannibals really take their stuff seriously–a lot of indigenous tribes see it as consuming the person’s ‘essence’. The logic: If you want to be like someone, eat them. I hope this doesn’t mean you’ll be sprouting white hairs anytime soon 😉
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Or I could become a wiry, cussing small elderly woman. Yikes.
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Isn’t it great to have a sister to laugh with. I have a younger brother and he never fails to make me smile. 🙂
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Siblings have a special relationship.
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This is hilarious!!!! very well written, nice and spare very sweet and VERY funny! Want to hear more!!! Fantastic!!!!
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Thanks plenty of material with my sisters, believe me they’re why I’m so warped. I was fine until they were born (twins).
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what does grandma taste like? 🙂
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A lot like the cigarettes she use to smoke.
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This made me laugh so hard… XD
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I’ve been known to cause coffee spewing.
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I can only think of Walter and the Dude “scattering” Donny’s ashes over the Pacific. 🙂
E
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Thanks for stopping by.
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I have recently been involved in an ash scattering event myself. We all escaped without becoming cannibals. (it wasn’t windy)
Your gift with words is great… and hysterical. 🙂
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I’m rather clumbsy so we’re lucky I didn’t dump them in the car.
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Reminds me of the time my house mate got covered in head juice. She worked in a biology lab that had cadavers she helped maintain. As she was moving a head soaking in a bucket of formalin the handle slipped out of her hand, the bucket hit the floor, and her lab coat got soaked with a combo of head fluids and formalin. After she got cleaned up we all laughed but ewww.
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OMG that’s horrible and yet I’m still laughing. What does that say about me?
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I heard somewhere that you could actually have a dead person’s ashes turned into diamonds…I’m not sure if this is true or not, but the thought of somehow being made into an ostentatious piece of timeless jewelry is both intriguing and enticing to me…A very fun blog either way 🙂
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Well, if I’m going to haunt anything, let it be diamonds. 🙂
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Very comical! It seems like a good way to celebrate someone’s life rather than death.
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After all the sadness is gone, it’s best to find the joy and humor.
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When I open your RSS feed it puts up a whole lot of strange characters, is the deal on my end?
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I’ve tried it and didn’t get the error you described. Sorry I’m not sure how to advise you.
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LOVED this story. Happy to have just discovered you!
…still laughing… tears in the eyes…
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Thanks and it was all organic.
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Gosh, you make me happy!
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Glad to hear it, though at Gram’s expense. LOL
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I sat dangling from a stone outcrop on the side of a mountain, securely held from behind by my other siblings, as I poured the ashes of both my sister and father to the dark blue lake below. Like some mystical spirit animal, a red-tailed hawk suddenly appeared on a gust of wind and sailed before us at eye-level. The wind picked up the downpour of ashes and sent them outward in a majestic arch and spiral out over the lake. We were all caught up in the beauty and emotion and let out a collective “Ah…..”.
The wind changed direction and in a split second their ashes came up and blasted us in the face. We had our father and sister in our eyes, our hair, our mouths, our pockets.
It was so like both of them to do something like that.
We could not help but laugh in that way black humor is….
I hadn’t thought of it as cannibalism before……… hmmmmm….
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I think it’s the black humor that can keep us sane during our saddest moments.
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