Excerpt from Meet Me By The Gate:
July 7
Item # 30 – Painting of Mom and Dad
Allie,
I’ve painted a portrait of Mom and Dad. I want you to have it. Perhaps if you can hang where you can see it every day you’ll never find yourself unable to remember what they looked like.
Love,
Jo
***
I woke up last night, crying. I dreamt I was in heaven. It was bright and shiny. Everyone was happy, just as you’d expect. But I was surrounded by strangers, alone. I couldn’t find my parents. It’s been over twenty years since I last saw them, spoke to them, hugged them, since I became no one’s daughter. I wondered through the crowd, looking in every face. But I couldn’t remember what they looked like. I couldn’t find them. I woke up sobbing.
What kind of person can’t remember their parents’ faces? The people who spent most of their lives taking care of me and I can’t remember them.
I lay in the dark, trying to remember. Dad had dark wavy hair, a large nose I think, but I could only see bits and pieces, like a puzzle you’ve lost most of the pieces to. I tried to concentrate on his face, but it’s just a vague blur.
REMEMBER HIM, concentrate. Remember his face the last time you saw him, at his funeral.
Brown suit, one button, small lapel, white shirt, but I can’t get above his collar. Just when his face starts to become clear, it slips away again. I can’t see him. Why didn’t I commit him to memory? Surely I realized it was the last time I’d see him.
What about Mom? The last time I saw her, she was sick in bed with cancer. I didn’t want to remember her like that. I thought of the picture I have of her, with that red hair and green eyes, surely I can remember. I concentrate on the picture – blue background, white blouse, red hair waving done over her shoulders. I could almost see her face. Her eyes, I couldn’t get hold of her eyes. I had her nose and the shape of her face, but it was just individual pieces. I couldn’t assemble them. I couldn’t see her.
How will I find my parents in heaven when I can’t remember them? Will they remember me? How long before my son forgets me? I’m afraid I won’t find my parents in heaven. I’m afraid in the dark. I am afraid.
Beautifully written…
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Hi Sandya,
Thank you. I appreciate your kind comment.
Dee
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Coming on a year since my brother’s funeral. I’d say this post hits home. Thanks for writing.
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Hi Lainie,
Sorry to hear about your brother. Such a shame. I understand. My Mother succumbed when I was a child. It’s still hard sometimes, but it does get better.
Love,
Dee
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ooh scary, I can’t believe in heaven but I am terrified of forgetting what my mom looked like. Honest, I have a picture of us on my desk (partly) for that very reason.My dad is easy because I see him every day in my own face when I look in the mirror but I don’t look like her, I only identified her by intangibles.
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Hi Inga,
When I was sick, I had this nightmare and couldn’t remember my parents’ faces. I still can’t. Most of the pictures of them burned in a house fire when I was young, so I don’t have anything to remind me. Thanks for the comment. Dee
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Oh Deidra, I am so sorry. I worry so much about the few really old photos I have that I keep copying them and uploading them to different storage sites. It begins to feel a bit compulsive.
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Hi Inga,
Well said. I can’t see either of them in me. They passed away when I was young so it gets harder and harder to remember them as each year passes.
Thanks for your comment.
Dee
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Made me think hard and remember my parent’s faces. Thanks
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Hi John,
I still can’t. Most of the pictures I had were destroyed in a house fire. But, I think they’ll find me in heaven so I don’t have to worry. Thanks. Dee
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They won’t have to look too hard since they are no doubt keeping tabs on you. 🙂
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Hi John,
You’re very welcome. You’re one of my favorites
Dee
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Aw, aren’t you sweet. 🙂
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This made me sad for some reason.Well written though.
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I had this dream when I was very ill. I couldn’t stop crying when I woke up. All the pictures I had of them burned in a house fire when I was a kid. Now I think my parents will find me, so I don’t have to worry. Thanks for the comment. Dee
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Aww that’s sad :(. You’re welcome I’ll try my best to leave feedback as often as possible 🙂
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Hi Lala,
Thank you for your comment. That was a sad, anxiety ridden time in my life.
Dee
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Your post made me love and meet my parents more often now…when they are here still with me! Thanks I can connect with your feelings!
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Just wow! Beautifully rendered. My heart aches as I red. I too am orphaned now. I feel every word
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