My Grandmother wanted her ashes spread over a field of blue bonnets. So after she was cremated, we set out to find the perfect place. It became somewhat of a contest.
I have four sisters and two brothers. Cell phones at the ready, we all set out like it was some kind of race to find the perfect place. Pictures flew of green fields with a smattering of blue. None were considered worthy of Grams.
The hunt continued some good contenders were found, but nothing quite right. One of my brothers even submitted a dense patch of blue in the median somewhere along highway 67. Be real Bro. Who wants to visit Grams along a busy stretch of country highway?
Finally, one of my over achieving sisters found a rolling patch of blue leading down to a lake. (I say she’s over achieving mostly because I didn’t find it myself.)
And so we scheduled a lovely morning to say farewell to Grams. I met my sister, the over achiever to car pool. Someone thought it would be a good idea to take handfuls of her and spread her around thinking good thoughts.
Midway through I realized how disgusting this was. That was about the time the wind picked up. Grandma blew back in my face and I choked on her.
On our way home, my sisters wanted to go through a drive through and pick up a burger.
I said, “I have to go in. I have Grandma all over my hands and steering wheel.”
My sister start to laugh.
I took one look at her and said, “You have a smudge of Grandma on your teeth.”
I don’t know how many time I’ve told my sister to keep her mouth shut. She never listens. I think this makes her a cannibal.
Mmmm…and interesting philosophical point. Does it make you a cannibal if you eat an animal that has eaten a human?
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That is quite a philosophical conundrum. You seen corn feed ham. What about human feed bear?
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I thought about this a long time ago during my grandmother’s funeral, she was cremated. So, now you’ve given me something to think about! mmmmm
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I am sure it does.
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Wow. This horrified me and cracked me up all at once. Thanks! That’s one of my favorite kinds of giggles!
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Glad to be of service
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Deeply moving
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Hi, it does have a smudge of dark humour about it doesn’t it?
Good work Deidra.
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Forgive me for laughing out loud. The thought of choking on–you know–is the sort of thing that would happen to me. Sorry about your grandmother though. Hope she had a sense of humor in her life. 😀
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LOL. These shorts are hilarious! Can’t wait for the next one!
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Should I laugh, cry, or just get disgusted and angry? What a twisted little story!
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In this case, it turns out we’re all cannibals, and to top that we eat our own flesh constantly. Ingest that dust! Ashes to ashes…
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Funny and scary at the same time.
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I spread my aunties ashes all over a corn field. At the time, she was still alive.You see back then, she had a coal stove.
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I see. We heated by wood from most of my life.
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We did that for a while until the caskets became scare at the local cemetery.
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I love your sense of humor.
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My husband is asleep and I can’t laugh out loud!!!! You should be on T.V. Are you on T.V. and I just don’t know about it? Glad I peed already this morning.
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I’m on TV, but only in my head. I would be a great side kick though. Chelsea Lately come discover me. LOL Thanks.
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I can’t help but laugh! Thank you for making my day!
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You’re welcome. I was laughing when we stopped for lunch. Dee
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Reblogged this on Musings of the PoltrackNet and commented:
Since I want my ashes strewn along the Cape Cod coast, my suggestion to those entrusted with their care is wet them down with a little sea water, it tends to get windy along the coast. Maybe fashion them into a Sand Castle.
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Hi John,
Thank you for the reblog and comment. You should definitely leave instructions. Though I don’t have any sadness when I think about her funeral. Dee
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Not with a great story like that
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Oh my gosh, how terrible and funny at the same time. I mean hilarious and yet…
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Hi Vick,
I know. We kept breaking up into giggles all the way home. Thanks for the comment. It made me laugh all over again. Dee
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Terrible, tragic, funny and it sounds like Grams found a way to make you all feel just a bit better in the moment.
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Hi Susan,
How true. I can’t feel sad thinking back on her funeral. Thanks for the lovely comment. Dee
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Gran got ya all!
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Yes, she was still with us for a while anyway. Dee
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Reblogged this on Blogging from the Mas and commented:
This woman has a wicked sense of humor. I just love her writing. I hope you do too.
Judy
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Hi Judy,
Thanks for reblogging my post. I appreciate the nice comment.
Dee
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Since I am the ‘Grams’ in my family and want to be cremated, I’m thinking I need to leave explicit instructions because this account gave me pause.
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Remember you want to be up wind, not down wind. Thanks.
Dee
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Im donating my body to science. It’s so fucked up, someone can write a paper on it, but not will one of those quill pens, it might hurt
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You know what I like about your writing? The way you take everyday experiences and give us the story in a witty way. Yet it is apparent you are serious about your thoughts. Lol.
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HAHAHAH I do not know if it’s really inappropriate to laugh but seriously, I had a good laugh. Thanks for writing this and my condolences about your grandma’s passing. -Thea
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Oh my. This post made me laugh. I love the humor about such a “grave” subject. My family members choose cremation over burial too, and we have some similar tales. Great post 🙂
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Very funny laugh out loud moment!
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Hahaha, sisters never listen! :’)
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Reblogged this on Still Another Writer's Blog and commented:
Is she Australian? 🙂 See, also: http://heretical.com/cannibal/australi.html (This was indirectly referenced in one of my favorite television shows, cancelled now (of course, my faves always are): http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1714204/ That is probably an indirect reference to this: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/ireland/4017044/Documentary-tells-story-of-Irish-convict-cannibal.html
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Haha. I am almost embarassed I laughed. Almost, but not really because it was too funny.
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LOL! I love your flow of writing – it’s very natural and easy to read
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An excellent funny story!
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[…] Source: How My Sister Became a Cannibal […]
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lmao
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I think that’s one of those philosophical things I’d rather not think too much about. 😀 — Suzanne
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I feel quilty laughing out loud over this very severe situation, it reminds me of when my friend released her mothers ashes to the winds off the beach only to have the blow back on her, she itched for a long time not to mention the nightmares.
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Too funny!
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Snorted my coffee on this one! My mother had the same problem scattering my Dad’s ashes – he wanted them scattered over the Bahamas. She rented a small plane and pilot and the ashes blew back on her and into the plane!
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I’m visiting via Diana at Myths in the Mirror. This story was absolutely hilarious. It’s always refreshing to read that others – besides me – find humour in even the most difficult situations 🙂
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I’m sure, your granny had a great sense of humour too 🙂
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