He’s breathing on his own. Thank you for all of your prayers and good thoughts. It’s an amazing turn around. Just a few days ago the doctor was surprised he made it through the night and now he’s sitting up.
I’ve been racked with anxiety since I made the decision to come see him. I’ve been nauseous. Eating makes me sick and not eating makes me sick. We didn’t part on good terms. I still don’t know how his family feels about me. (I’m staying close to the hospital, so I’m able to check in early and late, missing most of my in-laws.)
He’s been married and divorce since I last saw him. What will I say? Thoughts kept rolling through my head. I love him, but I don’t LOVE, love him. I wouldn’t mind being friends, but it might be too late for that.
I checked with one of my nephews and he said I should come and seem him. I don’t want you to think I pushed myself on him without taking his feelings into consideration.
Some of his buddies were in the room when I entered. I barely recognized him. He looks old, perhaps the illness has taken its toll. He’s had some hair loss and what’s left is white. He’s gained a lot of weight, some of that’s probably fluid.
When we were in the middle of our divorce and everything was so ugly, I imagined seeing him again. This wasn’t far from my fantasy. “I’m still looking young and you are old. Was she worth it?” I would say. (Of course she would look old too.) He would fall to the floor and tell me how sorry he was and I wouldn’t care. I would reply with various snide comments. “Should have thought of that before you left me for your mother.” (She looks like his mother.)
So what did I choose to say? Something amazingly insightful? Perhaps even a little biting. No. I said, “Hey what’s up? I thought you were going to dance on my grave. You’ve got to get it together. I’m depending on you.”
He chuckled. His friends chuckled and then the conversation turned back to chasing women. The reason we split up in the first place.
The doctors have scheduled him for open heart surgery tomorrow. He’s still in intensive care, but I’m optimistic. Tomorrow I’ll see his family. But for now, I’m going to go gnaw on some crackers and sip Sprite.
What you said was perfect.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Gayleen. I feel like I should have said something else. I just don’t know what. Dee
LikeLike
You are so strong. 🙂 Hang in there.
LikeLike
Thanks, Angelique. Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Dee
LikeLiked by 1 person
When it doesn’t, but we persevere anyway, is usually when we’re at our strongest.
LikeLike
Hugs and prayers being sent out all around.
LikeLike
Thanks. He needs all the prayers he can get. And I’ll take the hugs. Dee
LikeLike
Still sending prayers. It was good you saw him. I can relate to this in so many ways. Take care of yourself.
LikeLike
Thank you, Mary. The prayers are helping. Dee
LikeLike
I can so see you saying that. I hope and pray that surgery goes well. Keep me posted.
LikeLike
You know me well. Thanks Marla.
LikeLike
Instincts serve you well. You done good. (“Eat”, some Jewish Mother is saying somewhere…even vanilla ice cream, pita chips, chicken soup, pudding -“Eat. A nibble here and there. Eat already” You know how it goes…pushy out of good intentions. giggles) Warmth and encouragement sent. Hang in there.
LikeLike
Thank you. I could take a little Jewish Mom right now. I appreciate it. Dee
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes you have to put on your big girl pants and take the high road. I see that’s what you’ve done though they are ugly things to wear. ❤ ❤ ❤
LikeLike
Yeah, this game of life can get pretty weird. Thanks. Dee
LikeLike
❤ ❤ ❤
LikeLike
Take care of yourself, and hopefully things will get better for you and the ex.
LikeLike
I think it will. Thanks Don. Dee
LikeLike
Ginger ale helps as well! Hang in there you’re on the up swing now. Glad to hear things are getting better
LikeLike
I forgot about the ginger thing. Thanks, Robin. Dee
LikeLike
I think you made an amazing and brave decision to go and visit him and be with him in hospital x
LikeLike
I admire your attitude and willingness to take what must have been a very difficult step. Very classy.
LikeLike
You don’t have to like or love or care but being charitable is a sign of fine character.
LikeLike
Great news. And, like many of the other commenters, I think you decision to visit him, despite everything that’s happened in the past, was very admirable.
LikeLike