When I feel I’m on the edge of depression, I think about philosophical topics. Lately I’ve been focusing on happiness. What is it? What does it feel like? I take medication for anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. So, I wonder if I’m capable of having everyday happiness.
I have a request. Do you know happiness? Is it your normal state or is it fleeting? Or there any prerequisites? I want honesty. I want to know. This request started when I began trying to remember times I felt happiness.
I can recall times when I’m what I call “On”. Moments when the stars align and I’m extremely social and funny. People will say, “You should be a comedian.” But it’s not on demand. I’m either on or I’m not. I can’t force it.
Those are intense, exhausting moments of giddiness. Does happiness feel like you’re laughing inside? I can only feel it with people present. Surely it can’t be happiness if you can’t feel it alone.
I began to wonder if anyone is truly happy. They must feel unhappy some of the time. Is happiness a percentage of time averaged across people?
I average about ten percent of that giddy feeling. I coast in neutral for about forty percent of the time, thanks to medication. The rest of the time is spent between obsession, anxiety, and depression in that order.
Maybe happiness doesn’t exist. It might be this neutral place of non-negative feelings? Or do I have an emotional blindness? Do the combination of the disorders I have make it impossible for me to feel? Not is a depressed way, but in a “you just don’t have that bodily function” kind of way.
Someone told me the prerequisite for happiness is gratitude. I’m starting a gratitude journal. I’ll see how that works out.
Right now I’m going back and forth between two theories.
One is happiness is like a unicorn, a myth. No one really feels it. People talk about it, say they have it, because it’s socially unacceptable to do otherwise. The other is happiness is real and I’m just not doing it right. And I guess I lied. I have a third theory, maybe I’m emotionally blind. It’s something I should stop obsessing over, accept and be at peace with it.
That brings me back to my request. Do you know happiness?
Perhaps “happiness” is determined by the influences we align with.
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Hum, Rob. I would like to hear more about your thoughts here. Thanks Dee.
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I wonder a lot about that too. Lately I’ve been thinking our body chemistry and life experiences combine and maybe some people are luckier than others. Sometimes all those sayings like, ” happiness is a choice” and ” attitude is everything”. … They can almost sound accusatory . Let’s face it, who would choose otherwise. It’s not that simple
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I agree with you, Cynthia. If happiness comes easy to anyone, they should write that in their gratitude journal. Dee
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I think, personally, beginning with gratitude is a good start. But you have to just take time to appreciate the little things in life; as cheesy as it sounds. I’m not happy all the time I have to work at it everyday. Somedays I’m happy somedays I’m not. But I think happiness is learned. 🙂 good luck on your journey to happiness if you believe it eventually you’ll find it
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Thank you for you encouragement and tip. I have to find a wat to introduce some of these almost like happiness meditation. Dee
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Interesting post. I consider myself to be a “happy” person but now you’ve got me thinking….what exactly does that mean? Overall, I’d say that, for me, happiness is being content. What I feel when laughing and enjoying time spent with friends and family goes above happiness. I’d call what I feel then “Joy”.
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Interesting perspective. I think if you have it, you don’t really think about it. Thanks for sharing your insight. Dee
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happiness is not something that can be forced, but you can nourish it. As someone else pointed out to you, happiness is about gratitude for the positive things (and I don’t mean material things) in your life. When you think you feel happy, make a list of all these positive things. When you think you are not happy, read and reread and recite these things until you feel better…may sound corny, but it works!
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Thanks Lorie, that’s an excellent idea. Catch it while you’re experiencing it. Thanks Dee.
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exactly!
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I do know happiness…and I know sadness, too – so I think it must be okay to feel both. I’m not sure about giddiness happiness – for me happiness is a quieter certainty that I am loved…by my dogs…by my partner…and sometimes by the readers of my words.I try to let happiness come to me. It’s much more difficult to find when I’m looking for it.
When you turn to face your fear, you meet the Warrior who is within. I wish I’d said that, but I stole it from someone. I hope you meet your own Warrior. She is there.
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Thank you Sheila. Perhaps I should think more on facing fears. Dee
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I think the the Smallville version of Lex Luthor was right when he said that happiness is fleeting, a momentary feeling that quickly fades. I’d say not to search for happiness, but rather to strive for contentment (with a healthy mix of ambition of course).
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I like that healthy bit of ambition. I think you might be on to something. Thanks, Dee.
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Yes, I believe in happiness. I think it’s real. And I’m not saying you’re doing something wrong, but it cannot be forced. You must realize, Dee, that you are loved. You must try to be grateful and look at the bright side. However, you must also have some sadness, grief, and anger to contend with this happiness. Overall, you need a balance. Hope that helps. -MK
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Thanks for your kind words. I agree with you. My parents and grandparents died when I was young. I often think if I had their perspective things wouldn’t seem so bad.
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Happiness to me is simple: being warm, not hungry, not having to scramble to pay bills, snuggling with my cats or my grandchildren. Being grateful I’m healthy and ME, where I am today. I need and want little. I am satisfied. 😮 ❤ ❤
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I agree you must have your basic needs met as a prerequisite. Thanks for the comment. Dee
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❤ ❤
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Happiness is something else for everybody. I am happy when writing my book or walking through the forest hearing the birds sing. It is just a state of mind you are in.
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Another interesting point. If it’s a state of mind, it seems it can be cultivated. Thank you, Dee
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Reblogged this on Beads of Colour and commented:
I am so calm and content after my afternoon with Neil that this blog is making me try to catch the slippery sensations of emotion. Life can be so entertaining just sitting inside on a snowy day.
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Thanks for the reblog. Dee
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Emotions are just that emotions. I believe we are here to experience them but not to get lost in them. My sister and I always fought over the value of emotions. I believe they are only for the truly courageous people. Your writing is your own bread crumbs back to who you are. Your courage and honesty is exciting. You learn so much about yourself and others when you write with such honesty. Thanks
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Thank you. I appreciate your kind words. Dee
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Hi Deidra.
Yes I know happiness. It’s a gentle feeling which comes with acceptance of my limitations. There have been times recently where I have reach that ‘what’s the point stage’.
But this is curbed by simple events which bring their own kind of happiness. For instance, those times with my grandchildren. Or stealing midnight hours to write.
Depression has many levels. The trick is tailoring it so the symptoms become less severe through cognitive behaviour therapy, thus allowing happiness to reappear. A gratitude journal is a CBT tool.
Best regards Talia
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Thanks for the encouragement, Talia. Best Regards, Dee
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Your post reminds of that movie Happiness (with Jane Adams and Philip Seymour Hoffman) which also seems to be asking and exploring your questions, which i’m now also wondering…
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Hope I didn’t start anything. I’ll check put the movie. Thanks, Dee
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I know happiness since most of my experiences were in sharp contrast. I think it takes a long run of unhappy to get you into a feeling of genuine happiness when it occurs. I believe happiness is real as is unhappiness. Doesn’t help you I know but I had to respond. Great question.
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Thank you John. I appreciate your honesty. Dee
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I know happiness and sadness. And anxiety and calm. I think learning how to feel emotions takes practice and cultivating compassion for your self. Humanity in it’s fullness is acceptable…which means that positive emotions aren’t the only ones we have, and that’s okay. When we use coping behaviors to avoid our bad emotions, we dull the pain and dull the ability to feel our true happiness also. As I get older, I’m feeling more and more happiness…gentle satisfaction and gratitude for the sun rising, for my children’s wildness, for delicious blackberries, for a good rest at night, for a sincere hug. I’m learning to see and listen with my heart instead of controlling with my mind. This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, and I’ve come to know it by accepting my times of sadness and depression and taking care of myself through those times, honestly and with compassion. I wish you moments of happiness!
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Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Dee
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Happiness comes and goes but you can live in a state of not up and not down. If you can get there then basically you are happy.
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Thanks for your insight. Dee
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This reminds me of a post I’ve had sitting in my drafts that has a quote by Nathaniel Hawthorne in it along with a photo I snapped of a butterfly. The quote says… “Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” So maybe it’s not a unicorn, but a butterfly (which is not a myth), and you just have to not chase it. Yeah, I know… sounds great in theory, but not easy to do. What I aim for is a sense of contentment and find that happiness tends to stem from that. I also aim to find the beauty in things and find that joy within comes from that as well. Not sure if happiness and joy are the same or not, but I define them as being slightly different. The gratitude journal is a great start. 🙂
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Thank you, Jewels. Another great thought, perhaps it is something you can’t pursue. Dee
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I have to work at finding happiness. “This neutral place of non-negative feelings” is a very good turn of phrase. It describes how I feel most of the time. I’ve learned how to enjoy other people’s happiness. Gratitude is a great place to start. It’s easy to be resentful when you’re depressed. If you practice gratitude, you put yourself in a much healthier and more resilient mindset.
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Thanks Lillian. I appreciate the encouragement. Dee
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I’ve been pondering your question for the past couple of days, but haven’t commented because I didn’t think I had anything positive to say to you. Then I came across this TedX talk by Andrew Solomon, and I think he sums it better than I ever could: “The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality.” Here’s a link to his talk, though, to be honest, I read the transcript as I found his voice a bit irritating! I found it helpful. Hope you do too.
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Thanks, David. Vitality, that is an interesting view point. Will have to give that some serious thought.
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Happiness may be an abstract concept not easily defined. For me happiness is a state of contentment, of enjoying what is, of paying attention to the present moment. It may be as simple as knowing you’re not unhappy.
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Good point, thanks Lulu.
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Dierdra, I feel your confusion. I have a chemical imbalance, a stress disorder and and anxiety disorder. I spent a significant part of my life wondering if it was worth it. I want to tell you that it is. Happiness is a real and tangible thing. It is simplicity in life and finding joy in the small moments: a child’s laugh, the smile of a friend, a hug on a bad day, the smell of rain, snow angels, the kiss of a pet.
When you are feeling stressed, depressed and hopeless, take a deep breath and remind yourself that this will pass. Your gratitude journal is a fabulous idea. Focus on the positive in your life. Even if it is just to say, “Look at me! I’m vertical today.”
I talk quite a bit about my struggle with depression in my blog. Know that you are not alone in your journey. Feel free to contact me:
Evil, Wicked Dragon Lady
911 Life Happens
MyOxisaMoron
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Thank you Madam Evil. I had a really hard time coming up with something to be thankful for today. Now it is your comment. Thanks, Dee.
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