It is February and I didn’t make a New Year’s Resolution, mainly because I know I don’t keep them. I’m feeling the need to be honest, to tell the truth.
I started this blog years ago telling stories mostly of my life and my people. My sense of humor was on display. If I’m truthful I’m avoiding telling you my secret.
It’s easy to say in private. You can just blurt it out. But in public, I keep thinking of the proper explanation or wrapper. I’m forgoing all of that before I put everyone to sleep.
I have depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsiveness. I take medication for all of it. I don’t like saying I’m depressed, anxious, or obsessive compulsive. I’m not a cold when I’m sick so I don’t think I should have to be my chemical imbalance.
I play with my medication, sometimes on purpose, most of the time on accident. One of my medications keeps me from obsessing. It’s either on or off. I think some obsession is good, so it’s one of the medications I play with most often.
This was as I mentioned before a blog of humor, but I can’t see things as funny everyday or even every week. I’m often struck with what I call the feeling of impending doom. It’s like waiting for an emotional apocalypse that doesn’t come.
I slept for eight hours last night which is the first time in several weeks so I feel good. I dare say maybe even happy. I still don’t feel funny today, but happy is enough.
(I’m not going to say I’ll write more often. That is a promise I think we all know I can’t keep. But I’ll try for a while.)
That’s quite the confession to share, takes strength to tell everyone these words, Thank you for sharing with us.. 🙂
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Thank you, Andy. It’s difficult to talk about mental illness. We’re supposed to shake it off.
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By talking about it though, You are creating awareness and better understanding, for everyone else as well. 🙂
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Thank you Andy. With the lovely comments I’ve received, I feel less like I’m shouting in the dark.
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Nice to see you pop in again. Whenever you feel like it. Today was good for me. Was it as good for you? 🙄
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Thanks. I’ve been wanting to write this for a month, but couldn’t for some reason. So I didn’t write anything at all. Yes, today is good. I slept eight whole hours last night. Feels so much better when I can sleep.
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Sleeping IS wonderful. I can’t do anything without sleep.
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I’m about to try finding some in a few minutes.
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I DO get more sleep soon. I wish you all the best in everything. ❤ ❤ ❤
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Thanks. I started taking a half dose of my sleeping pills again and am sleeping pretty regularly. Dee
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I think all humorists struggle with depression….maybe all writers. Take your meds. I take mine!
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Thanks, Sheila. Good reminder since I haven’t taken my meds today. 🙂 Will do that now.
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Mental health difficulties are the last taboo, never mind they affect one in four of us. If you’re in the UK (but I think you aren’t?) Time to Change http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/?gclid=Cj0KEQiAuremBRCbtr-1qJnKi-4BEiQAh0x08FStHVvPohm0nw2MSE-Wvn7hHdU2FRlrTVXwzdzHDZ0aAg1W8P8HAQ is kicking silence into touch, no one should have to struggle on in silence. Do what you need to do and we’ll be ready to hear 🙂
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Thanks Suzanne. I’m in the U.S. thanks for the link. Feb 5 is coming up soon. I guess I’m timely.
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Very 🙂
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Our thoughts are with you.
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Thanks, Tom. I appreciate it.
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I travel much the same path and can say it’s not a whole lot of fun at times. I’d like to think it’s made me a better writer, however. You have a gift, and your life experiences are a big part of what makes you the writer – and person – you are. Keep looking up.
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Thank you. I hope you’re right about the writing thing.
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You definitely have a gift. And that gift didn’t come from living an average run-of-the-mill life. Digging into my bag of clichés, I’d imagine it’s a blessing and a curse. But it’s made you who you are, just as my “difficulties” have made me who I am.
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Perhaps it came from being kidnapped by aliens. Just kidding. I’m sure they would have kept me for further study.
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It’s so good and refreshing to be honest about what’s really going on. And everyone has a mixed bag of stuff to deal with. I often struggle with the feeling of impending doom too. And I work with people with anxiety, depression, and obsessive compulsive tendencies as an herbalist and life coach. I see that our good qualities and gifts are totally attached to our challenges… like opposite sides of a coin. So we must be compassionate with ourselves because things are hard, but they’re also what makes life real and good and full of love. Love to you! Way to be honest and real and human! Keep writing!
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Thank you, I appreciate your support. It’s very comforting.
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Something you wrote reminded me of a quote from Socrates to the effect he didn’t fear the sleep of Death, because the best he ever felt was after a full night’s sleep.
Sometimes I don’t know if people are chemically depressed or just thoughtful, Love P.J. Kelley
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I’ve been this way forever. Extremely anxious and terrified. Fears have dominated my life since I can remember.
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Well done for having the courage to share it with us. It’s people like you that are helping to remove the stigma attached to mental illness.
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Some people seem to think it’s something you can just walk off. Doctor’s ask about family history. The number one killer in my family is suicide. I don’t know what I would have done a hundred years ago.
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I have to wonder how brilliant you would be without those medications! Have you ever tried working without them? I bet we’d all be surprised!
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I only started on them about 6 years ago. Before then I had trouble even talking to people. People have always terrified me. I remember being afraid of members of my own family. I try it periodically. I’ve thought about saving enough money to live on for a while and then trying it. Maybe some day.
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Sleep is good. Recognizing the presence of happiness – that’s being enlightened. Savor it. Fun and funny probaby not far away
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I can always depend on you for the philosophical high road.
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Reblogged this on mickdolansez and commented:
Mental health and addictions are so hard to talk about but this brave lady is stepping up. The important thing is to talk about the problem, and get it out in the open. Drugs are not the ultimate answer on this—there is a better way.
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/
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Thanks for the reblog, Mick. Have a super day. Dee
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As they say, “Been there, done that, wrote the book, directed the movie, silkscreened the T-shirt.”
It’s thought I’ve been depressive most of my life… but I wasn’t diagnosed until my thirties. Attempts to regulate me with medication led to years of using Zoloft, and a rough form of problems with performance tied to the med.
I take different meds now, and I’m somewhat more creative. I *have* been there, and I feel for you.
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Thank you, Alexander. I appreciate you support. Dee
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Thank you for your honestly. That must have taken some courage. It’s a health issue like any other and should not be taboo, but sadly it still often is. The more people like you who have the guts to step forward and be open about it, I think the better things can be as others will also be more honest with themselves and others and get the help they need. I also think it’s good that you refuse to let yourself be totally defined by these health issues – as you say, you’re not ‘a cold’ when you’ve got a cold.
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Thank you, Christopher. I appreciate the kind words and support
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