I have an arch nemesis at work. Yes, I have an arch nemesis, no I do not feel lucky.
I dodged a bullet a few days ago. The Demoness stood in front of me flipping through her wedding invitations. A cold chill ran through me, probably the Angel of Death, her buddy, dancing on my grave.
My mind was reeling. I don’t know what you get the Guardian of the Gates of Hell for a wedding present. Can you go with coal and switches? Or should your gift be more traditional, like hellfire and brimstone?
Then she said, “Oh, I forgot I only invited my friends.”
To which I replied, “Wow, guess you only needed one stamp.”
*evil grin*
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Hum yes, her invitations were made of human skin, I’m sure.
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No doubt from orphans abducted out of poorhouses in the middle of the night.
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Okay, that’s a good one! lol
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Hilarity….
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Thanks and that’s on a nice day.
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Seems a bit “Devil wears Prada-ish
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I think she was married to the Devil, but she locked him out of hell.
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LOL…. perfect!!! We love it! 🙂
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Thanks.
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Of course, you know the Queen of Darkness’ marriage will be Hell!! 🙂
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I’m afraid she might be marrying human. For his soul, of course.
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Of course. He probably was Hitler in a former life. Karma is a bee___. 🙂
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Oh, thought.
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After all, he was attracted in the first place…
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Good one!
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Demonesses … my favourite!
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Ah, but your answer was perfect! 😉
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Thank you. We have a hate-hate relationship.
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It’s nice when things are mutual.
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Ha!!! I wouldn’t know what you would get someone like that- would you even waste your time going? Or maybe it is important to go and then you can only wish an evil sort would happen so you would have a good laugh. :)). Thanks for sharing I am lucky I don’t work with anyone like that but I have known some
That are ultimate evil. Scary!!!
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I wouldn’t go anyway.
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I’m not saying that you are evil as well, but you DO have one WICKED sense of humor! I love it! I also love that you can create shorter blog posts that say it all despite their length. It’s perfect, and you’ve done it before. Makes me want to work on being more concise myself….
Keep up the great work; it’s great to see a new post from you!
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My problem is writing something long enough to be called a novel.
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You’ll do it. You seem like a driven person. And you’ve clearly got the creativity thing down.
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Now thst made me smile 🙂
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That was the best answer ever. I envy the people who can come up with witty replies like that.
I bet her dress will be black with red spider webs sewn in.
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oh to have been a fly on the wall to see the expression on her face, that was awesome!
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ROFL. I never think of those things til way later…this was totally perfect.
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I think Aunt Deidra has a little bit of the “pistol” in her too! Great reply to the Guardian of the Gates of Hell 🙂
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That has PUNCH! Loved it.
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Hahahaha….still laughing…..Hahahaha…..I am going to remember that one and hopefully never have to use it!
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I loved it! You pack more humor into a few words than Jackie Mason! And your wit is far more biting, too! Loved it, Diedra! Keep ’em coming!
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Thanks, I may have to quote you on that.
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oh – that’s good…
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Great response! Love it!
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heeeheeeeheee, harsh!
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How about a broom?
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Short, sweet and to the point… more importantly, this post left me chuckling darkly. (mua hahaha)
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I like it. Very feisty! 🙂
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Love it 🙂
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Zing!
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I lol’d
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Success!
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Ha!
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Do you know where the wedding is? Lets show up as zombies and crash it 🙂
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I’d be afraid she would serve my heart for dessert.
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Omg this was too funny!
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Thanks
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Oh Snap, you go girl !
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LOVE it!!! something that I am sure everyone would have wished they said if given the same opportunity to be in your shoes!
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Thank you so much
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What a horror she is. Does her head spin?
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Occasionally, when she isn’t ridding a broom stick.
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Nicely done!
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Wow. Miss Nasty. I feel for whoever is marrying that woman. Sounds likes. Lifetime of misery. Btw, loved your response. Awesomeness.
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:0 🙂
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Wow. Is the Demoness in seventh grade?
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And nice retort, by the way. 😉
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I think she was spawned as an adult.
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Huh. Maybe she’s regressing then. Oh well. Snappy comeback, you! 🙂
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Ha! That’s good!!!
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LMFAO!! Sister you are too frakkin’ funny! I understand and identify with your “pain”. I, too have an Arch Nemesis and have been able to keep a half a step ahead of her and her machinations, so far.
I LOVED your come-back. I usually only think of snappy come-backs like that AFTER the incident. Too much pot (tho, is there really ever too much pot?)
Thanks for the blogs. Keep ’em coming.
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When you can no longer make snappy comments, maybe a little too much. But who am I to judge.
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Hi,
Absolutely brilliant. 😀
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I like the term “arch-nemesis”. One time in college, I approached this girl whose name sounded familiar and she turned out to be the sister of a guy I knew in high school. She actually said, and I quote: “Oh yeah, you were my brother’s arch-nemesis!”
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That’s awesome.
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Touche. Love it 🙂
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Nice one 🙂
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maybe she has very good blackmail material on her intended?
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I think she locked his soul in a box.
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Funny 😉
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What a silly little girl, to take on the Mistress of Oxygen…which BTW, you deprived me of for making me laugh to tears. Thank you very much Atomic 8.
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Thanks, I’ll have to see if I can make you spit next time. 🙂
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Excellent riposte!
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that’s one fast and cutting reply you got in there 🙂
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Baby clothes. That would be a lovely gift. She will scornfully point out that she has no need for them. That leaves you a perfect opening for a comment suggesting that the weight she has put on recently and the fact that someone is actually marrying her caused you to assume that the marriage was of the shotgun sort….
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I already got that one. I’ll tell you later.
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May I suggest a mud wrestling match to settle your differences once and for all? 🙂
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Great idea. Run over to youtube and wait for me to upload it.
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….still nothing! Wretched lies!!!
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My God, did that really happen? What a horrible lady!
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You must live close to heaven’s gates.
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wow! i didn’t know people were still like that
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I wish I could come up with a comment like that on the spot.
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I’ve been practicing my entire life.
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LMAO! Good for you! I REALLY need to remember NOT to take a drink of my coffee before reading your posts!
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I swear I’ve posted that warning before. I’m not liable.
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It’s already been said many times here, but Well Done! 🙂 Wish I could come up with a response like that so quickly! She certainly feels threatened by you!
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There’s a better one from earlier this week.
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That is *hilarious*! I gasped when I read her statement and then broke into laughter with your retort. Still laughing. You’re amazing and my hero(-ine?).
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I prefer heroine. Thanks!
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I hope there was an automatic “DING!” and a ref shouting out “We have a winnah!” after that comment. 🙂
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LOL, you rock. Thanks.
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Thanks for the laugh!
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You’re welcome.
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you go girl!
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Hi
I just love your blogs, they make me laugh out loud. thankyou.
jo tempest.
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Reblogged this on sppasm.
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Thanks for the re-post. I’m flattered. Dee
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Clever… I wish I had your wit 🙂
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Sigh….some people can really be….well…humm…I can’t think of anything to use here to describe people like that. Even Queen of Darkness is too nice.
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How about the Devil’s Handmaiden?
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Delightful witty read.
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Reblogged this on Life, Underestimated & Overanalysed and commented:
I would kill for wit like hers. Kill! Okay, maybe just gravely wound.
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Thanks, I appreciate your kindness.
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Excellent!
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Oh, I wish I was as quick on the draw as you are.
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Practice makes perfect.
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Save the stamp..As a postal employee, I can verify that we don’t deliver to HELL,,, we just work there.
Ha, nice post, loved the underlying humor.
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During meetings I’m pretty sure the office is over a hell’s gate.
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HAHAHAHAHAA!!! Loved it! ❤
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I think I used to work with her evil twin.
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Did her head spin and did she have a forked tongue?
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I’m sure she doesn’t really need that stamp. She could always hand deliver the grooms invitation.
That way she can be sure he can’t just use “But I didn’t get one…” as an excuse for not turning up.
Too much?
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Let’s just hope they don’t breed.
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Wow, you really dodged a bullet there. And such a snappy response. Good for you. (wish I had the ability to be that smart assed) 🙂
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It’s a carefully honed skill.
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I hope this was meant to make me laugh because I’m laughing out loud!!
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Most everything I write was meant to make you laugh. I do a floor show at work at least twice a week.
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works for me!
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Knowing the wonderful world of work, you’ll probably get the pleasure of contributing towards a group wedding shower gift for the Demonness.
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I was thinking of getting an exorcism kit for her husband to be.
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Did she really say that? To another person’s face? I just can’t imagine that happening in real life. Good material though.
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Perhaps a exaggerate a smidge, though she is the bane of my existence.
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I probably would, too, if it meant a better story 😉
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Ah, how nice it is to know such wonderfully pleasant people exist in the world. For them to feel they are somehow superior to you, to seriously believe that you’ll be fawning over them and hoping to be granted the honour of their company. I think you gave her too much credit with one stamp…
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I keep wondering how she convinced a human to marry her.
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Witchcraft?
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Wickedly witty & funny! 😀
Is this story for real?? I wish I had your sharp wit too! 😉
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Unfortunately it doesn’t always come to me.
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Tag suckafish. http://t.co/r3veoQLy
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What a bitch! How do you deal with her at work every day?
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If you follow my twitter, I occasionally have tweeting outbursts.
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Oh, that sulphur and brimstone – love it!
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It was that or paper cut couldn’t decide which.
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Great comeback! I never think of any until days after the conversation. Perhaps she will marry rich and quit her job 🙂
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Or perhaps she’ll get transferred to guard the gates of hell.
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I used to work with her. She transferred when a house fell on her sister. Sorry you got stuck with her.
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I know! I keep telling her I don’t have your ruby slippers.
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OMG! I love it. You rock! Yotaki Beautywalk
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Thank you.
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Dude! I hope you really did say that. It’s awesome when the perfect response springs to mind at the proper moment!! Love this!
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She sounds a solid treat. Good response though. Pithy, accurate, well timed.
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Treat? Maybe on Halloween.
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Hilarious! I would’ve punched her in the face.
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I’ll keep that in mind next time. LOL
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oh this really made me laugh. What a great response!
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Thanks it stuns.
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I really enjoy your blogs and can identify with the sports bra incident as I have had similar experiences. I have even shared your blogs with my husband and he laughed right along with me
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Ha! Amazing… hopefully at her wedding someone pours pigs blood on her.
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She may be spewing it when her head spins.
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Haha…Oh you make my day with your humorous writing! I love ’em! Keep them coming, Deidra! You are an awesome writer!
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Thank you so much. I can’t help replying to such wonderful praise.
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LOL great little story.
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Awesome response! I wish I could think of great lines like that when I’m in those situations!
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I feel certain this woman was a co-worker of mine in a previous life.
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I think she may get around.
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So bullying and harassment in the workplace has consequences . You don’t get invited to the weddings you don’t want to attend.
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Hahaha!
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Excellent!
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Thanks for dropping by and liking my blog. This is pretty awesome too!
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Creative types (like us) see the world in a “very special” way. Ha. Work can build the stuff of our novel characters.
You comment above caught our eye:
“Deidra Alexander: My problem is writing something long enough to be called a novel.”
We understand. We know an aspiring novelist just finishing a manuscript. His problem was editing down a mega-length epic. Success to both of you.
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“Wow, guess you only needed one stamp.” Great stuff, hilarious!
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Thanks!
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i see your eyebrows are singed (as in burned as i know not how to spell)……………….i hate weddings…all weddings…………funerals too.
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Both are great opportunities to see the worst in your family or at least mine. LOL
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Deidra, I only had to read this far to know I had to follow you, hilarious! Thank you for not being sugar coated.
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Hah! Shazzam!
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The one stamp was a classic response! ~ LOVE,
René Allen
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Thanks, but for some reason she doesn’t see it that way.
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