Top 14 Reasons I hate 8 a.m.

elephant step

People are stupid at 8am again.

I hate 8am because people are smart asses at 8am.

I hate 8am because people are grouchy. I know I’m people.

I hate 8 am because my eyes refuse to focus.

I hate 8am because perky people want me to kill them.

I hate 8 am because people are too loud.

I hate 8am because the light it too loud.

I hate 8am because my lung and the air are not speaking to each other yet.

I hate 8am because the world hasn’t tilted back on its axis yet from the night before.

I hate 8 am because it makes me nausaus.

I could like an 8 o’clock meeting if it wasn’t for the 8 o’clock part.

I hate 8am because my password doesn’t work right the first time.

I hate 8 am because it comes way before 10.

I hate driving at 8 am because idiots wreck at 7:30.

don't fall asleep in prison no shaving cream

Stan was the first one to fall asleep at the slumber party.

purple eye

Imagine a world where the undead exist and you hope one side of the other will pick you to join them. What if the wrong side picked you?

She lay faced down on the pavement. Her warm blood flowing away from her like a river, carrying with it her life. She was helpless to do anything but watch. With a last shuttering gasp, blackness enveloped her.

“Hey lady, you okay?”

The smell of vomit and cheap liquor stung her nose. She gagged. Perhaps she had cheated death after all. She pulled herself up. The ugly gaping wound was still there. She could clearly see intestines, but there was no blood. Not a drop.

Her heart wasn’t beating. She wasn’t breathing.

“Oh geeze, not undead. Anything but zombie. This is certainly going to put a damper on my sex life. And the whole flesh eating things. I’m a vegetarian for gosh sakes. This isn’t going to work for me,” she yelled at no one in particular.

Top 7 Reasons the Mayan calendar ended in 2012

- (22)

Because the author’s chisel broke.

Because the author accrued a lot of vacation.

Because someone got carpal tunnel syndrome.

Because an overachiever got really far ahead.

Because they ran out of flat rocks.

Because the dirty English came with their chicken pox.

The great Mayan calendar maker’s strike of the 5th century B.C.

didnt want to block lovely view

Didn’t want to block the view.

Random scene that played out in my head while I was trying to sleep.

Pam’s heals clicked on the tile floor. We were headed to the Friday morning staff meeting. A couple of interns almost broke their necks trying to catch a glance at Pam’s rear. She was the kind of woman who attracted attention.

“Heads up,” I whispered, “Danny’s wife is going to call you.”

Danny had only been married for six months.

“Me, why?”

“She found out Danny and I slept together.”

It had only been twice on a business trip to Rio. I had obviously lost my mind.

“And that involves me why?”

“I had to throw you under the bus to get her off the phone.” Danny’s wife had turned out to be the jealous type.

“Really?” She was still as cool as ever.

We entered the still empty conference room. It was way too bright without coffee, which I would have had by now if I wasn’t answering phone calls from Danny’s wife.

“I told her Danny slept with you, Marcie and Barb.”

“He slept with Barb?”



“Between you and Marcie.”

“Was he trying to make me jealous?”

“Yeap,” I chuckled.

“Huh, I didn’t notice.”

“That made it more fun to watch.” I slid into my customary seat and waited for the others to join us.

“She called me a slut,” I said, tapping my pen.

Pam laughed, not just chuckled, laughed.

I continued, “Do you think I’m a slut?”

“You haven’t slept with a man in two years. That and a few Hail Mary’s and you’re practically a nun.”

Other consultants began piling in the room. The rest of this conversation would have to wait.



I was thinking about books and movies that would have been less interesting with just a twist of the name

  1. Hairy Potties It comes with great imagery too.
  2. Frydaddy the 13th. I’m imagining turkey gone bad.
  3. Lord of the Beans Sample dialogue. Where’s the beans?” “We ate them at second lunch.” Gandolf should never have brought the hungry hobbits.
  4. Hansel and Girtle
  5. Star Whores … Okay maybe that one isn’t less interesting.



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