drunk driving on company time

I think we hit a bump back there.

bazarre world

I can always tell when I haven’t taken my medication.

A voice in my head whispers, “If you can hear me, you haven’t taken your meds today.”


don't mess with mother nature

Don’t mess with mother nature.

10 Things I have been known to say to or about my arch-nemesis


Hey, is hateful on a stick here yet?

If we say my arch-nemesis’s name backwards babies cry, mirrors shatter & volcanoes erupt.

I spoke to your people through a ouija board and they’re ok doing it my way.

Will your crows be sitting on my car when I leave today?

I’m afraid her winged monkeys will snatch me away. How did she get out from under that house anyway?

I have to send a document to my arch nemesis for review. She’s in a different time zone, so I’m waiting until it’s after hours in the inner ring of hell.

The demoness is not to be trifled with. I heard she was divorced. I didn’t know you could divorce the devil.

Someone tell the wicked witch I don’t have her ruby slippers.

The devil’s handmaiden is back and in full force. She’s been refreshed by a cup full of hell fire & brimstone.

The guardian of the gates of hell scared the devil so she’s back early from her vacation.

dont mess with city hall

Don’t mess with city hall.

Top 14 Reasons I hate 8 a.m.

elephant step

People are stupid at 8am again.

I hate 8am because people are smart asses at 8am.

I hate 8am because people are grouchy. I know I’m people.

I hate 8 am because my eyes refuse to focus.

I hate 8am because perky people want me to kill them.

I hate 8 am because people are too loud.

I hate 8am because the light it too loud.

I hate 8am because my lung and the air are not speaking to each other yet.

I hate 8am because the world hasn’t tilted back on its axis yet from the night before.

I hate 8 am because it makes me nausaus.

I could like an 8 o’clock meeting if it wasn’t for the 8 o’clock part.

I hate 8am because my password doesn’t work right the first time.

I hate 8 am because it comes way before 10.

I hate driving at 8 am because idiots wreck at 7:30.

don't fall asleep in prison no shaving cream

Stan was the first one to fall asleep at the slumber party.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 23,429 other followers

%d bloggers like this: