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Not my normal style I know. In a weird mood with a headache I can’t shake.
I woke up this morning from a dream turned nightmare. It started colorful and bright, euphoric and exciting, but with a look from a familiar face, it fades. The world is illusion, replaced by reality.
It turns grey and dark, sharp and hard. I feel their eyes on me, like pawing hands pulling me apart seeing everything I really am. Most horrified or disgusted, a few pitying me. I want to disappear right there, to cease to exist. But I don’t. I’m on display, my crazy rantings on display.
Hands are gently pushing me towards the doors.
My sister come rescuer whispers, “Everything will be okay.”
I feel reality so sharp, my body is bleeding from cuts no one can see. I’m covered and cannot move without wanting to cry out. But I don’t, the pain of humiliation is greater. I keep silent.
I woke this morning from a dream turned nightmare. I don’t know where it came from. I forgot my medication. I tell myself I’ve never had delusions. At least I don’t think I have.