My Arch Nemesis (aka the Queen of Darkness) | Deidra Alexander's Blog

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My Arch Nemesis (aka the Queen of Darkness)

February 12, 2012 by Deidra Alexander

I have an arch nemesis at work. Yes, I have an arch nemesis, no I do not feel lucky.

I dodged a bullet a few days ago. The Demoness stood in front of me flipping through her wedding invitations. A cold chill ran through me, probably the Angel of Death, her buddy, dancing on my grave.

My mind was reeling. I don’t know what you get the Guardian of the Gates of Hell for a wedding present. Can you go with coal and switches? Or should your gift be more traditional, like hellfire and brimstone?

Then she said, “Oh, I forgot I only invited my friends.”

To which I replied, “Wow, guess you only needed one stamp.”

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Posted in Uncategorized | 171 Comments

171 Responses

on February 12, 2012 at 5:41 pm | Reply Andrea Johnson

*evil grin*
- on February 12, 2012 at 5:43 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Hum yes, her invitations were made of human skin, I’m sure.
  - on February 13, 2012 at 8:19 am Cotton Boll Conspiracy
    
    No doubt from orphans abducted out of poorhouses in the middle of the night.
  - on February 14, 2012 at 8:59 pm Deidra Alexander
    
    Okay, that’s a good one! lol
on February 12, 2012 at 5:42 pm | Reply that girl named naima

Hilarity….
- on February 12, 2012 at 5:43 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks and that’s on a nice day.
  - on February 12, 2012 at 5:56 pm that girl named naima
    
    Seems a bit “Devil wears Prada-ish
  - on February 14, 2012 at 9:18 pm Deidra Alexander
    
    I think she was married to the Devil, but she locked him out of hell.
on February 12, 2012 at 5:44 pm | Reply colliesofthemeadow

LOL…. perfect!!! We love it!
- on February 12, 2012 at 5:51 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks.
on February 12, 2012 at 5:44 pm | Reply Deborah DeLong

Of course, you know the Queen of Darkness’ marriage will be Hell!!
- on February 12, 2012 at 5:51 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I’m afraid she might be marrying human. For his soul, of course.
  - on February 12, 2012 at 5:56 pm Deborah DeLong
    
    Of course. He probably was Hitler in a former life. Karma is a bee___.
  - on February 14, 2012 at 9:18 pm Deidra Alexander
    
    Oh, thought.
  - on February 14, 2012 at 9:20 pm Deborah DeLong
    
    After all, he was attracted in the first place…
on February 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm | Reply anitaburns

Good one!
on February 12, 2012 at 5:48 pm | Reply Living out of Eden

Demonesses … my favourite!
on February 12, 2012 at 5:53 pm | Reply Belle of Mountains

Ah, but your answer was perfect!
- on February 12, 2012 at 5:54 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thank you. We have a hate-hate relationship.
  - on February 12, 2012 at 6:47 pm Belle of Mountains
    
    It’s nice when things are mutual.
on February 12, 2012 at 5:54 pm | Reply June

Ha!!! I wouldn’t know what you would get someone like that- would you even waste your time going? Or maybe it is important to go and then you can only wish an evil sort would happen so you would have a good laugh. ). Thanks for sharing I am lucky I don’t work with anyone like that but I have known some
That are ultimate evil. Scary!!!
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:19 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I wouldn’t go anyway.
on February 12, 2012 at 5:55 pm | Reply fox71j

I’m not saying that you are evil as well, but you DO have one WICKED sense of humor! I love it! I also love that you can create shorter blog posts that say it all despite their length. It’s perfect, and you’ve done it before. Makes me want to work on being more concise myself….

Keep up the great work; it’s great to see a new post from you!
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:19 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  My problem is writing something long enough to be called a novel.
  - on February 14, 2012 at 10:54 pm fox71j
    
    You’ll do it. You seem like a driven person. And you’ve clearly got the creativity thing down.
on February 12, 2012 at 5:58 pm | Reply Sarah

Now thst made me smile
on February 12, 2012 at 5:59 pm | Reply Jessie Rahl

That was the best answer ever. I envy the people who can come up with witty replies like that.

I bet her dress will be black with red spider webs sewn in.
on February 12, 2012 at 6:02 pm | Reply klextin

oh to have been a fly on the wall to see the expression on her face, that was awesome!
on February 12, 2012 at 6:06 pm | Reply ReaderWoman

ROFL. I never think of those things til way later…this was totally perfect.
on February 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm | Reply JustI

I think Aunt Deidra has a little bit of the “pistol” in her too! Great reply to the Guardian of the Gates of Hell
on February 12, 2012 at 6:08 pm | Reply Let's CUT the Crap!

That has PUNCH! Loved it.
on February 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm | Reply susielindau

Hahahaha….still laughing…..Hahahaha…..I am going to remember that one and hopefully never have to use it!
on February 12, 2012 at 6:12 pm | Reply Gary Showalter

I loved it! You pack more humor into a few words than Jackie Mason! And your wit is far more biting, too! Loved it, Diedra! Keep ‘em coming!
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:17 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks, I may have to quote you on that.
on February 12, 2012 at 6:12 pm | Reply momwhearingloss

oh – that’s good…
on February 12, 2012 at 6:17 pm | Reply jillscreativeendeavors

Great response! Love it!
on February 12, 2012 at 6:21 pm | Reply redwheelbarrow1957

heeeheeeeheee, harsh!
on February 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm | Reply ansuyo

How about a broom?
on February 12, 2012 at 6:31 pm | Reply movingforeword

Short, sweet and to the point… more importantly, this post left me chuckling darkly. (mua hahaha)
on February 12, 2012 at 6:32 pm | Reply BoJo Photo

I like it. Very feisty!
on February 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm | Reply Kris Merino

Love it
on February 12, 2012 at 6:42 pm | Reply Steve

Zing!
on February 12, 2012 at 6:48 pm | Reply Kevin

I lol’d
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:13 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Success!
on February 12, 2012 at 6:55 pm | Reply jmgoyder

Ha!
on February 12, 2012 at 6:56 pm | Reply Victor Tookes

Do you know where the wedding is? Lets show up as zombies and crash it
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:13 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I’d be afraid she would serve my heart for dessert.
on February 12, 2012 at 7:05 pm | Reply B

Omg this was too funny!
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:12 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks
on February 12, 2012 at 7:15 pm | Reply Lois Lightweight

Oh Snap, you go girl !
on February 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm | Reply otownmommy

LOVE it!!! something that I am sure everyone would have wished they said if given the same opportunity to be in your shoes!
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:12 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thank you so much
on February 12, 2012 at 7:53 pm | Reply subtlekate

What a horror she is. Does her head spin?
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:11 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Occasionally, when she isn’t ridding a broom stick.
on February 12, 2012 at 8:07 pm | Reply hypersensationalism

Nicely done!
on February 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm | Reply Kourtney Heintz

Wow. Miss Nasty. I feel for whoever is marrying that woman. Sounds likes. Lifetime of misery. Btw, loved your response. Awesomeness.
on February 12, 2012 at 8:25 pm | Reply elenacaravela

:0
on February 12, 2012 at 8:36 pm | Reply angeliquejamail

Wow. Is the Demoness in seventh grade?
- on February 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm | Reply angeliquejamail
  
  And nice retort, by the way.
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:11 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I think she was spawned as an adult.
  - on February 15, 2012 at 1:29 pm angeliquejamail
    
    Huh. Maybe she’s regressing then. Oh well. Snappy comeback, you!
on February 12, 2012 at 8:48 pm | Reply Tracey

Ha! That’s good!!!
on February 12, 2012 at 9:03 pm | Reply adauphin04

LMFAO!! Sister you are too frakkin’ funny! I understand and identify with your “pain”. I, too have an Arch Nemesis and have been able to keep a half a step ahead of her and her machinations, so far.

I LOVED your come-back. I usually only think of snappy come-backs like that AFTER the incident. Too much pot (tho, is there really ever too much pot?)

Thanks for the blogs. Keep ‘em coming.
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:10 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  When you can no longer make snappy comments, maybe a little too much. But who am I to judge.
on February 12, 2012 at 11:27 pm | Reply magsx2

Hi,
Absolutely brilliant.
on February 12, 2012 at 11:34 pm | Reply drewpan

I like the term “arch-nemesis”. One time in college, I approached this girl whose name sounded familiar and she turned out to be the sister of a guy I knew in high school. She actually said, and I quote: “Oh yeah, you were my brother’s arch-nemesis!”
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:08 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  That’s awesome.
on February 13, 2012 at 12:30 am | Reply Mother, Beader and Coffee Lover

Touche. Love it
on February 13, 2012 at 12:53 am | Reply Animalcouriers

Nice one
on February 13, 2012 at 1:38 am | Reply opusanglicanum

maybe she has very good blackmail material on her intended?
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:08 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I think she locked his soul in a box.
on February 13, 2012 at 1:42 am | Reply Anastasia

Funny
on February 13, 2012 at 1:44 am | Reply C.K. Garner: Blog Paper Scissor

What a silly little girl, to take on the Mistress of Oxygen…which BTW, you deprived me of for making me laugh to tears. Thank you very much Atomic 8.
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:07 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks, I’ll have to see if I can make you spit next time.
on February 13, 2012 at 2:22 am | Reply Ship's Cook

Excellent riposte!
on February 13, 2012 at 2:33 am | Reply promenadeplantings

that’s one fast and cutting reply you got in there
on February 13, 2012 at 2:35 am | Reply metan

Baby clothes. That would be a lovely gift. She will scornfully point out that she has no need for them. That leaves you a perfect opening for a comment suggesting that the weight she has put on recently and the fact that someone is actually marrying her caused you to assume that the marriage was of the shotgun sort….
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:06 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I already got that one. I’ll tell you later.
on February 13, 2012 at 3:11 am | Reply Abulafia F1

May I suggest a mud wrestling match to settle your differences once and for all?
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:05 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Great idea. Run over to youtube and wait for me to upload it.
  - on February 15, 2012 at 12:11 pm abu
    
    ….still nothing! Wretched lies!!!
on February 13, 2012 at 3:18 am | Reply Madeleine Swann

My God, did that really happen? What a horrible lady!
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:04 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  You must live close to heaven’s gates.
on February 13, 2012 at 4:02 am | Reply Tin Roof Press

wow! i didn’t know people were still like that
on February 13, 2012 at 5:00 am | Reply TBM

I wish I could come up with a comment like that on the spot.
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:02 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I’ve been practicing my entire life.
on February 13, 2012 at 5:44 am | Reply Food Forays

LMAO! Good for you! I REALLY need to remember NOT to take a drink of my coffee before reading your posts!
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:01 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I swear I’ve posted that warning before. I’m not liable.
on February 13, 2012 at 7:20 am | Reply SweetP

It’s already been said many times here, but Well Done! Wish I could come up with a response like that so quickly! She certainly feels threatened by you!
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:01 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  There’s a better one from earlier this week.
on February 13, 2012 at 7:24 am | Reply Karishma

That is *hilarious*! I gasped when I read her statement and then broke into laughter with your retort. Still laughing. You’re amazing and my hero(-ine?).
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:00 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I prefer heroine. Thanks!
on February 13, 2012 at 7:31 am | Reply bornstoryteller

I hope there was an automatic “DING!” and a ref shouting out “We have a winnah!” after that comment.
- on February 14, 2012 at 9:00 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  LOL, you rock. Thanks.
on February 13, 2012 at 8:13 am | Reply soupart

Thanks for the laugh!
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:59 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  You’re welcome.
on February 13, 2012 at 9:37 am | Reply sunmallia photography

you go girl!
on February 13, 2012 at 10:27 am | Reply Jo Tempest.

Hi

I just love your blogs, they make me laugh out loud. thankyou.

jo tempest.
on February 13, 2012 at 11:32 am | Reply miss p

Reblogged this on sppasm.
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:59 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks for the re-post. I’m flattered. Dee
on February 13, 2012 at 11:44 am | Reply The Thorn

Clever… I wish I had your wit
on February 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm | Reply Jayne

Sigh….some people can really be….well…humm…I can’t think of anything to use here to describe people like that. Even Queen of Darkness is too nice.
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:57 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  How about the Devil’s Handmaiden?
on February 13, 2012 at 12:45 pm | Reply purpleborough

Delightful witty read.
on February 13, 2012 at 12:56 pm | Reply Karishma

Reblogged this on Life, Underestimated & Overanalysed and commented:
I would kill for wit like hers. Kill! Okay, maybe just gravely wound.
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:57 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks, I appreciate your kindness.
on February 13, 2012 at 1:08 pm | Reply ihaveishoes

Excellent!
on February 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm | Reply Marvin the Martian

Oh, I wish I was as quick on the draw as you are.
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:56 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Practice makes perfect.
on February 13, 2012 at 2:42 pm | Reply poemsandponderings

Save the stamp..As a postal employee, I can verify that we don’t deliver to HELL,,, we just work there.
Ha, nice post, loved the underlying humor.
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:55 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  During meetings I’m pretty sure the office is over a hell’s gate.
on February 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm | Reply mcolmo

HAHAHAHAHAA!!! Loved it! <3
on February 13, 2012 at 4:42 pm | Reply philosophermouseofthehedge

I think I used to work with her evil twin.
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:54 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Did her head spin and did she have a forked tongue?
on February 13, 2012 at 5:44 pm | Reply ammusionist

I’m sure she doesn’t really need that stamp. She could always hand deliver the grooms invitation.

That way she can be sure he can’t just use “But I didn’t get one…” as an excuse for not turning up.

Too much?
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:54 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Let’s just hope they don’t breed.
on February 13, 2012 at 8:06 pm | Reply Kate's Bookshelf

Wow, you really dodged a bullet there. And such a snappy response. Good for you. (wish I had the ability to be that smart assed)
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:52 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  It’s a carefully honed skill.
on February 13, 2012 at 9:00 pm | Reply lulu

I hope this was meant to make me laugh because I’m laughing out loud!!
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:52 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Most everything I write was meant to make you laugh. I do a floor show at work at least twice a week.
  - on February 14, 2012 at 10:00 pm lulu
    
    works for me!
on February 13, 2012 at 10:21 pm | Reply Beth

Knowing the wonderful world of work, you’ll probably get the pleasure of contributing towards a group wedding shower gift for the Demonness.
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:51 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I was thinking of getting an exorcism kit for her husband to be.
on February 13, 2012 at 11:06 pm | Reply jell jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown

Did she really say that? To another person’s face? I just can’t imagine that happening in real life. Good material though.
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:50 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Perhaps a exaggerate a smidge, though she is the bane of my existence.
  - on February 14, 2012 at 8:53 pm jell jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown
    
    I probably would, too, if it meant a better story
on February 14, 2012 at 5:23 am | Reply Kelly Cautillo

Ah, how nice it is to know such wonderfully pleasant people exist in the world. For them to feel they are somehow superior to you, to seriously believe that you’ll be fawning over them and hoping to be granted the honour of their company. I think you gave her too much credit with one stamp…
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:49 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I keep wondering how she convinced a human to marry her.
  - on February 17, 2012 at 6:43 pm Kelly Cautillo
    
    Witchcraft?
on February 14, 2012 at 7:19 am | Reply spidermonkeycat

Wickedly witty & funny!
Is this story for real?? I wish I had your sharp wit too!
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:46 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Unfortunately it doesn’t always come to me.
on February 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm | Reply Jani

Tag suckafish. http://t.co/r3veoQLy
on February 14, 2012 at 1:30 pm | Reply Emma

What a bitch! How do you deal with her at work every day?
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:43 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  If you follow my twitter, I occasionally have tweeting outbursts.
on February 14, 2012 at 3:26 pm | Reply Dave Whatt

Oh, that sulphur and brimstone – love it!
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:43 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  It was that or paper cut couldn’t decide which.
on February 14, 2012 at 3:57 pm | Reply Jodi Lea

Great comeback! I never think of any until days after the conversation. Perhaps she will marry rich and quit her job
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:42 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Or perhaps she’ll get transferred to guard the gates of hell.
on February 14, 2012 at 5:49 pm | Reply Micael Chadwick

I used to work with her. She transferred when a house fell on her sister. Sorry you got stuck with her.
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:41 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I know! I keep telling her I don’t have your ruby slippers.
on February 14, 2012 at 6:10 pm | Reply beautywalk

OMG! I love it. You rock! Yotaki Beautywalk
- on February 14, 2012 at 8:41 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thank you.
on February 14, 2012 at 11:45 pm | Reply Diann Writes

Dude! I hope you really did say that. It’s awesome when the perfect response springs to mind at the proper moment!! Love this!
on February 15, 2012 at 8:32 am | Reply sfbell09

She sounds a solid treat. Good response though. Pithy, accurate, well timed.
- on February 23, 2012 at 7:29 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Treat? Maybe on Halloween.
on February 15, 2012 at 7:58 pm | Reply Curly Carly

Hilarious! I would’ve punched her in the face.
- on February 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I’ll keep that in mind next time. LOL
on February 16, 2012 at 9:55 am | Reply motherofwonder

oh this really made me laugh. What a great response!
- on February 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks it stuns.
on February 17, 2012 at 6:43 pm | Reply jackieferrell

I really enjoy your blogs and can identify with the sports bra incident as I have had similar experiences. I have even shared your blogs with my husband and he laughed right along with me
on February 21, 2012 at 1:22 pm | Reply Psyche IT

Ha! Amazing… hopefully at her wedding someone pours pigs blood on her.
- on February 23, 2012 at 7:21 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  She may be spewing it when her head spins.
on February 21, 2012 at 8:07 pm | Reply Judy

Haha…Oh you make my day with your humorous writing! I love ‘em! Keep them coming, Deidra! You are an awesome writer!
- on February 23, 2012 at 7:21 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thank you so much. I can’t help replying to such wonderful praise.
on February 22, 2012 at 9:00 am | Reply celebritytreat

LOL great little story.
on February 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm | Reply soundsandfuries

Awesome response! I wish I could think of great lines like that when I’m in those situations!
on February 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm | Reply Karen

I feel certain this woman was a co-worker of mine in a previous life.
- on February 23, 2012 at 7:18 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  I think she may get around.
on February 23, 2012 at 11:01 pm | Reply elmediat

So bullying and harassment in the workplace has consequences . You don’t get invited to the weddings you don’t want to attend.
on February 24, 2012 at 7:53 pm | Reply Shonnie

Hahaha!
on March 5, 2012 at 5:34 pm | Reply Darren Stone

Excellent!
on March 6, 2012 at 3:19 pm | Reply ns

Thanks for dropping by and liking my blog. This is pretty awesome too!
on March 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm | Reply The Fortress Guys

Creative types (like us) see the world in a “very special” way. Ha. Work can build the stuff of our novel characters.

You comment above caught our eye:

“Deidra Alexander: My problem is writing something long enough to be called a novel.”

We understand. We know an aspiring novelist just finishing a manuscript. His problem was editing down a mega-length epic. Success to both of you.
on March 7, 2012 at 10:33 pm | Reply buz163

“Wow, guess you only needed one stamp.” Great stuff, hilarious!
- on March 9, 2012 at 10:30 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks!
on March 8, 2012 at 2:15 am | Reply thegreatgodpan1

i see your eyebrows are singed (as in burned as i know not how to spell)……………….i hate weddings…all weddings…………funerals too.
- on March 9, 2012 at 10:25 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Both are great opportunities to see the worst in your family or at least mine. LOL
on March 14, 2012 at 6:47 pm | Reply artblablablablog

Deidra, I only had to read this far to know I had to follow you, hilarious! Thank you for not being sugar coated.
on April 23, 2012 at 3:29 pm | Reply Literary Tiger

Hah! Shazzam!
on May 8, 2012 at 1:36 pm | Reply René Allen ~ Author

The one stamp was a classic response! ~ LOVE,
René Allen
- on May 16, 2012 at 5:11 pm | Reply Deidra Alexander
  
  Thanks, but for some reason she doesn’t see it that way.

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