Things I said to my sisters over Thanksgiving.
No, my sweater will not be the same after your chest has been in it.
No, you are not allowed to use my <fill in the blank> without asking because you forgot yours or it smells SO good. <deodorant, shampoo, mascara, moisturizer>
No, my taking a shower was not an invitation to take over my bed and drink my chocolate wine. And I am the only one who gets to drink out of the bottle.
Yes, I brought heated sheets and no they are not for us to share.
No, reading my journal while I’m in the shower isn’t an attempt to bring us closer. And no it wasn’t lying open on the bed. It was hidden behind the chest of drawers.
And no I don’t think waving the turkey carcass, butt first in my face brought back nostalgic memories from our childhood.
I, for my part, will confess -
I think putting Everclear in blank’s glass was probably not the best idea.
No, I don’t know who put the ice packs in your beds or I’m not confessing.
To one of my sisters in particular, yes, I know you’re a prude. That’s why I left those kind of magazines on your bed. No, I didn’t know everyone would see them. That was a happy accident.
To another sister, yes, we all know you’re a vegan, however, lobster does so count. I don’t care what you read. And I still think serving you the gory fondant turkey head was funny.
I don’t know who brought the whoopee cushion, but yes, I did use it.
And so another Thanksgiving comes to an end.
Oh one more – Yes, I do need to find itching powder before Christmas.