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Archive for September, 2011


This morning there was an ambulance and a fire truck at my neighbor’s house. There wasn’t a fire, so the truck must have just gone along for the ride. I understand sending an ambulance with a fire truck, but not a fire truck with an ambulance.  I’m hoping the guys in the ambulance know CPR and the rest of the medical stuff. Maybe the fire truck guys were hoping for spontaneous combustion.

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I was on a trip that really awakened me to the usefulness of cosmetics in the right hands. I fell asleep with my friends in the room and woke up with three trolls instead. I was on my knees praying to Maybelline to save me.

Now, I have a big heart-shaped birthmark on my cheek. I like to tell young tattooed people it started as a little heart by my eye. But by the time I’m eighty it’ll have fallen to my boob and will be an arrow pointing straight to hell.

But, I digress. That mark is always there no matter how much stuff I try to cover it with. These women completely change the shape and color of their features. I feel like a throw back to the Jurassic period. Holy Sephora! How’d they do that Cover Girl?

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