duck tape glue white paint

drunk driving on company time

I think we hit a bump back there.

bazarre world

I can always tell when I haven’t taken my medication.

A voice in my head whispers, “If you can hear me, you haven’t taken your meds today.”


don't mess with mother nature

Don’t mess with mother nature.

10 Things I have been known to say to or about my arch-nemesis


Hey, is hateful on a stick here yet?

If we say my arch-nemesis’s name backwards babies cry, mirrors shatter & volcanoes erupt.

I spoke to your people through a ouija board and they’re ok doing it my way.

Will your crows be sitting on my car when I leave today?

I’m afraid her winged monkeys will snatch me away. How did she get out from under that house anyway?

I have to send a document to my arch nemesis for review. She’s in a different time zone, so I’m waiting until it’s after hours in the inner ring of hell.

The demoness is not to be trifled with. I heard she was divorced. I didn’t know you could divorce the devil.

Someone tell the wicked witch I don’t have her ruby slippers.

The devil’s handmaiden is back and in full force. She’s been refreshed by a cup full of hell fire & brimstone.

The guardian of the gates of hell scared the devil so she’s back early from her vacation.

dont mess with city hall

Don’t mess with city hall.

Top 14 Reasons I hate 8 a.m.

elephant step

People are stupid at 8am again.

I hate 8am because people are smart asses at 8am.

I hate 8am because people are grouchy. I know I’m people.

I hate 8 am because my eyes refuse to focus.

I hate 8am because perky people want me to kill them.

I hate 8 am because people are too loud.

I hate 8am because the light it too loud.

I hate 8am because my lung and the air are not speaking to each other yet.

I hate 8am because the world hasn’t tilted back on its axis yet from the night before.

I hate 8 am because it makes me nausaus.

I could like an 8 o’clock meeting if it wasn’t for the 8 o’clock part.

I hate 8am because my password doesn’t work right the first time.

I hate 8 am because it comes way before 10.

I hate driving at 8 am because idiots wreck at 7:30.


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