Some people never grow up and I’m glad I’m one of them. My top 10 list of things I said during Christmas.
10. I don’t know who brought the whoopee cushion, but yes, I did use it.
9. You are not allowed to use my <deodorant, shampoo, eye shadow, moisturizer> without asking because you forgot yours or it smells SO good.
8. My sweater will not be the same after your chest has been in it.
7. Yes, I brought heated sheets and no, they are not for us to share.
6. To my “vegan” sister: We all know you’re a vegan. However, lobster is an animal and it does so count. I don’t care what you read. And I still think serving you the turkey neck was funny and so do our brothers.
5. Leaving my door unlocked was not an invitation for you all to take over my bed and drink my chocolate wine. And I’m the only one who gets to drink out of the bottle.
4. Reading my journal is not an attempt to bring us closer. It was not lying open on the bed. It was hidden in the chest of drawers.
3. I don’t think waving the turkey carcass, butt first in my face brought back nostalgic memories from our childhood.
2. I don’t know who put the ice packs in your beds. To one of my brothers: Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Good one.
1. Sorry the kittens shredded the toilet paper, again. I have a 20 pack hidden in my trunk.
Posted in animals, Christmas, family, holiday, humor, Writing | Tagged brothers, christmas, kitten sitting, kittens, kitty, sisters | 18 Comments »
My adventures in kitty sitting continue.
We drove to the old house yesterday to meet my siblings for Christmas.
We started the long drive in the morning bright and early also known as noon. We took the sedan instead of the convertible. If Blind Dog was disappointed, she didn’t say so.
BD took the back seat beside the two cat carriers containing Sam and Frodo. We began our merry drive, not zooming down the highway but tootling along the winding country lanes.
After we took a break to eat, drink and of course poop. The boys meowed pitifully when I tried to return them to their carriers. Thus they persuaded me to let them stay out.
As I was driving, Frodo decided he should sit on my shoulder just to make sure things were going well. Sam climbed into the front seat putting his front paws on the dashboard, my navigator I suppose.
Frodo decided to have a go at driving with his butt in my face and his front paws on the steering wheel. Sam sitting on the dashboard in front of me didn’t help me any.
With the boys, having chosen to return to their cages, we continued the trek with Blind Dog riding shotgun blasting whatever random radio station we could find.
P.S. The boys figured out how to open one of the bathroom doors. They went straight for the toilet paper. My little duo are going to make excellent cat burglars. If you keep your valuables in a roll of toilet paper, I suggest you move them now.
Posted in animals, Christmas, humor, sarcasm, short story, Writing | Tagged animals, blind dog, kitten, kitten sitting, kittens | 8 Comments »
To start with, 80% of the time the kittens are adorable and cuddly. I’m going to report on the other 20% of the time.
I got up this morning to find that last two rolls of toilet paper properly gnawed and clawed. The dynamic duo found the toilet paper stash in the pantry and gave the dog a snack or two while they were at it.
You can’t imagine how much effort it takes to piece together enough ripped toilet paper to make a usable portion. Life goes on.
I was preparing breakfast this morning as the two kittens, Sam and Frodo watched the process. Strawberries, spinach, carrots, banana … I opened a lower cabinet drawer.
One kitten watched me wash carrots, I could have sworn there were two. The remaining kitten, Sam lost interest too and wandered to the forest of potted plants. I finished my smoothie and returned to my office.
At lunch, I was making a little something when I heard a little meow, muffled and far away. No kittens in sight. I opened all of the cabinet drawers, no kitten. My mistake went back to what I was doing.
Opening the refrigerator door, I heard another meow. Again, I opened the drawer, calling kitty, kitty, no sound. Continued making lunch.
The meowing began in earnest. I opened drawer after drawer, followed by cabinet doors until Frodo finally stepped out. Okay, so they’re still cute most of the time.
P.S. I bought Sam and Frodo a mird (mouse with feathers, mouse bird) toy today. It squeals and it’s eyes light up. The boys are mad for it.
P.P.S I’m bringing the lively fellows with me to visit my family at Christmas. Their owner is in Europe and they obviously can’t be left alone.
Posted in animals, Christmas, humor, sarcasm, Writing | Tagged cat sitting, kittens, kitties | 5 Comments »
I’m kitten sitting for a friend. See Day 1 for more details.
The kittens wore themselves out yesterday. I was wiggling my feet under the quilt on my bed and they were pouncing on my every move. They grabbed at the pink flowers and birds, taking a bite every now and then. I confess, I was egging them on.
They completely wore themselves out. The little orange balls lay curled up with their arms around each other. Nothing could be cuter. Since they were sleeping so peacefully, I decided to turn in early. I turned off the light and snuggled down under the blankets. I had no idea that was the signal for them to go stark raving mad!
The pair took off. Feet pounding down the hall, from one end to the other, back and forth.
Lying in bed, the sound was so sweet drumming along. Until the race didn’t stop at my end of the hall. They came pounding through my door, up my bed and over my face, leaving a nice scratch and bruise on my forehead. They are a little heavier than I first thought. I locked the pair out of my room for the rest of the night.
This morning I discovered a roll of toilet paper shredded to bits. The two had gotten back into the cabinet they learned to open yesterday and had their way with the last roll. Not to worry, I have two more stashed away in the laundry room.
This afternoon they discovered the potted plants I bring in during the winter. I even have a tree about seven feet tall that’s been with me for years and huge ferns several feet wide. In all there’s about twenty large pots vying for the light from the large window. The kittens spend quit a bit of time roaming through them and watching the squirrels through the window.
One negative, these animals are pooping, purring, peeing machines. They fill up a litter box like nobody’s business.
I could keep these fellows forever.
Posted in animals, comedian, comic, Writing | Tagged animals, cat sitting, kittens | 15 Comments »
I’m kitty sitting two male, orange tabbies. They’re about three months old and so cute. One is very lovey. He lays in your arms for hours sleeping. The other is more standoffish. But when he wants to be petted, he wants it now.
These little guys are so smart, they figured out how to open one of my cabinet doors in the bathroom. Max and Sam look at me with their big wide eyes, I don’t know how I’ll be able to send them home.
Posted in animals, comedian, humor, short story, Writing | Tagged animals, cat sitting, kittens | 17 Comments »
Not my normal style I know. In a weird mood with a headache I can’t shake.
I woke up this morning from a dream turned nightmare. It started colorful and bright, euphoric and exciting, but with a look from a familiar face, it fades. The world is illusion, replaced by reality.
It turns grey and dark, sharp and hard. I feel their eyes on me, like pawing hands pulling me apart seeing everything I really am. Most horrified or disgusted, a few pitying me. I want to disappear right there, to cease to exist. But I don’t. I’m on display, my crazy rantings on display.
Hands are gently pushing me towards the doors.
My sister come rescuer whispers, “Everything will be okay.”
I feel reality so sharp, my body is bleeding from cuts no one can see. I’m covered and cannot move without wanting to cry out. But I don’t, the pain of humiliation is greater. I keep silent.
I woke this morning from a dream turned nightmare. I don’t know where it came from. I forgot my medication. I tell myself I’ve never had delusions. At least I don’t think I have.
Posted in Fantasy/Scifi, My Writing Updates, Random, short story, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged dreams, fantasy, Fiction, insanity, writing | 12 Comments »