Deidra Alexander's Blog

When I was in Finland, someone gave me reindeer hoof art. I hung it on the door to confuse Blind Dog. Now she thinks there’s big game in the house.

It was late my second night in New Orleans. I’d had one drink too many and was weaving my way back to the hotel. When I heard a tirade coming from around the corner.

“You take the back, Bitch,” one voice said.

Followed by another. “You come over here, Bitch. I’ll kick your ass.”

The conversation continued in this manner.

Imagine my surprise when I turned the corner and it was two guys fighting. With the number of bitches flying around, I would have sworn it was two girls.

lind Dog, how do you find the trash can? We need a deaf dog to clean up after you.

I keep a hard boiled eggs in my refrigerator and have one every morning. To whoever replaced my last hard boiled egg with a frozen one, That wasn’t funny. Replacing someone’s hard boiled egg is only funny if it’s not your egg.

Lots of people have a fear of public speaking. Sadly my niece, who can give an hour long dissertation on the merits of ranch dressing isn’t one of them. Imagine Bubba from Forrest Gump listing all the shrimp recipes then you’ve got a fair idea of my niece and ranch dressing. I love ranch dressing too, until a one hour long description of it in high sped. Now I wish it had never been invented.

I hate it when I’m working late at night. All’s quiet and dark, when my cursor starts moving across the screen like the pointer on a Weegie Board. It scares the crap out of me. I’m like, “Grandma?”

I reached in the frig and pulled out a bag of yellow goop. My hand would’ve been covered in slime, but it was inside a plastic bag. I’m now fan of the petroleum products, but scared of the back corner of my refrigerator.

If you would like a daily dose of Deidra, My Traveling Panties & Other Stories of Champagne & Cheeze Whiz is available for Kindle. Monthly archives will be available soon for all formats.